A friend of mine is currently having her 2nd miscarriage in 4 months. I've never had a miscarriage, but I can only imagine what she's going through. I have a 4 month old daughter and I try not to talk about her because I feel it might hurt my friend knowing how much she truly wants a child. I really want to be able to help, but I'm not sure what to say or do for her that can help.
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I would check in with her and see if she wants to get together and do non-baby stuff with you: get a pedicure, grab a glass of wine, go to yoga, go for a walk, a movie, whatever. At first, when I had my miscarriage I could barely talk about it without crying, so she may not want to talk about it. Later, I felt more open and wanted to talk about it more. She likely will find comfort in you reaching out to her and just being her friend.
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When I miscarried my friend sent me a thinking of you card saying how sorry she was and asking if there's anything she could do. It was a simple thing, but it let me know she cared and I really appreciated it.
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I'm very sorry for your friend. I just miscarried on the 7th and I think the best thing you can be is there for her. At first (we knew the miscarriage was coming well before the 7th) I didn't even want to acknowledge it happened, and have only really wanted to talk about it the last two days.
However, I'm actually keeping from talking to my well-meaning friends because they say stupid but well-meaning things like; "You'll have a baby when you're supposed to." "That baby just wasn't meant to be." "Why're you so upset, you can try again.". I know all of it comes from a good place where they want to help me, but it just serves to make me stop talking about it. So try to mind whatever advice you try to give, as it might not come off as it's meant to.
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I've had two miscarriages. The thing that helped the most from my friends was simply acknowledging my loss. Asking how I was and if there was anything I needed. In my opinion, people don't need advice they need support. Sometimes you don't have to say anything. Just let her know you're there for her. A card or flowers is a nice gesture.
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Thanks ladies. I know there is nothing I can say to make it any better for her (as with any loss). I like the card idea...I also think I'll see if she's up for a non baby activity.
Also for those that have shared their losses I'm sorry for your loss, and I appreciate your willingness to share what was helpful for you.
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