Hellobee Boards

I would give her a week. And then probably show up.

Oh gosh, please don't just go over out of the blue - she and her husband have both said she's not up for talking yet and she'll be in touch soon. Everyone deals with loss in their own way - she might just need a little bit of time to herself to process things and grieve with her family.

It seems like you've reached out repeatedly, so she knows you'll be there when she's ready to talk - she just has to get there on her own terms. If you want, you could send flowers or fruit or something, but I really think you just need to wait until she's ready. I totally have sympathy for you - it can be so hard to watch people you love suffering.

@Mrs. Champagne: @FaithFertility: Yes! The day after my MC a friend texted me "dinner's on your porch," she included soup, bread, salad, homemade snacks and some activity packets for my kids. It was so thoughtful and literally nourished me and my family during a really dark time. I wasn't in a place to be able to visit but it was just perfect what she did. I still get choked up when I think about how meaningful it was to me!

I am really sorry for your friend, it is so awful.

@FaithFertility: I am one of those people who always responds with "no no, we're all set"...even though help or something would be appreciated.

Like the gift card there are other things you can do and just text and say...I dropping something by...it'll be on the porch at 4pm or whatever....that way she knows you will be in her driveway at 4pm...she has until 3:55pm to decide what to do.

Of course you have to respect and understand completely if she doesnt want to interact. Sometimes people need it not posed in a question, because they will always politely decline...

I haven't had a MC but when things go wrong I usually don't want to be around too many people at first. I like the idea of dropping something off.

I don't think you should feel guilty. She has explicitly said she will reach out to you when she is ready (as has her husband). I went through a rough period last year and I told friends repeatedly that I wasn't up for visitors - it was too emotional for me and I couldn't handle it. I would have been really frustrated had a friend (especially a best friend) completely ignored that. I know this is hard to hear, but by doing so you are putting your feelings above her feelings. I would feel guilty if you weren't doing what she said she needed. Do what you can from afar (it sounds like you've done lots of great things) then just give her space and let her grieve.

FWIW, I do know a bunch of my best friends reached out to DH still (he was less of a mess ) and checked on me / asked how to help. We also had some people say things to DH like, "our kid is dying to see DS, mind if we pick him up and take the kids to the park by your house for awhile?" They then picked up DS and dropped off dinner.