Can my fellow Bees share what their go-to answers are to the world's most annoying question? Especially others who have struggled with loss and/or infertility. I'm getting a little tired of forcing a smile or joke.
Bonus points for what you actually say along with what you really want to say. 
nectarine / 2436 posts
I was pretty open about stuff because I was so sick of infertility being taboo. It shouldn't be when so many of us are going through it.
I'd say, "Oh, trust me, we're trying, but it's not working! Hopefully someday!" That shut people up.
pomelo / 5129 posts
DH usually takes this one and starts with "it's not always that easy" ...giving them the chance to take a hint before sharing our history of loss if they push
pear / 1580 posts
I've said a variety of things:
- Oh trust me, we're trying!
- It took a long time to conceive LO1, so... (trail off to let them feel awkward)
- Hopefully sometime soon, but you never know.
What I WANT to say: Please Google and read any of the many articles about what not to say to women about getting pregnant. Then let's talk.
honeydew / 7463 posts
@MaryM: That's word for word what my husband says too. "It's not always that easy..." But he's only said it when I'm not around. People seem to as him more than they ask me.
pear / 1563 posts
My husband would be open that we were trying but I found this question rude and intrusive. The answer I landed on with his family with no boundaries was "you'll be the first to know" with a little sarcasm/smile, and then a refusal to go further. It totally sucks though.
nectarine / 2243 posts
"Never. Or next week. You'll be the first to know when it happens." With a touch of side-eye depending on my opinion of the interrogated.
With closer friends I'd just say I'm not sure (which was true). But I'd typically wouldn't confirm we were even trying.
pomelo / 5084 posts
@Raspberry: No infertility so not the same, but one and done here and this question irritates me TO NO END. Especially from people who have asked it approximately 10 times even though they keep getting the same answer.
honeydew / 7622 posts
I just usually say the truth- that DD keeps us busy and we don't have plans for another child anytime in the next couple years.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
I was always honest and said I wasn't sure. That was the truth, both when we weren't sure when we'd be ready and when we weren't sure how much longer it'd take us to conceive. I'm pregnant now and I tell people that I am absolutely done after this, and I mean it. I am excited for #3 but I have zero desire or intention to go through a fourth pregnancy.
pear / 1767 posts
I used to tell people about my two losses and explain that the timing wasn't really up to me. That usually shut people up.
clementine / 778 posts
We usually say we are very content the way life is, and not sure if we want another kid.
pear / 1717 posts
What I actually say is what I really want to say: you pay for all the expenses and then we'll talk
grapefruit / 4466 posts
I'm pregnant now with our first, so it's a bit different, but in general I'm a fairly private person and when people would ask I'd just act a bit flustered/bewildered that they had asked that and say "oh, I don't know," which usually shut it down. A few times when I knew the person well, I would say "we're working on it." Usually this just led to good intentioned but useless advice, including about things like needing to have more sex, from people who did not have experience with loss or IF. Once I got the response, "for how long," and when I was honest my friend's response was "well, apparently you don't have much sex." 
She was trying to be funny but I was literally a week out from a D&C and did not find it amusing.
pomelo / 5621 posts
Worst question ever and I have a couple coworkers who frequently comment that it is time for another.
The first couple years of DS' life I would say we were unsure because that was the truth. Now after trying for a long time with one loss I tell people I don't know if it will happen and then change the subject.
cherry / 178 posts
We didn't have any trouble getting pregnant, but my favorite response to all of those stupid questions is "not today!"
persimmon / 1339 posts
I'm pretty honest with people at the moment (FTR I don't think I suffer from IF but I have been trying about 8 months to get pregnant with #2, although not very diligently and am pretty ambivalent about #2) - I say that I love my family as it is, that I thoroughly enjoy sleeping through the night, and that if I'm blessed with another child then that's great but that I'm in no rush.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
Trying to be somewhat honest, I think I would say things along the lines of, "Sometimes its not as simple as snapping our fingers and making it happen" or "We can't control the miracle of life".
apricot / 341 posts
A lot of time I'll tell people "As soon as I get full night of sleep we'll think about it" but I like using "If you watch our baby for a couple of hours tonight possibly in about 9 months."
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
My MIL used to badger us about this before we even started trying, so I eventually told her "Every time you ask, we push it back another month, so not for at least 5 years!"
pea / 20 posts
I just went to a family party last week and got this a lot. My son will be 4 in a few months. I haven't told anyone I'm trying because it's really no ones business lol. But I was married for 5 years before we had my son (we got married very young) so I usually joke and say.. well it took me how long to have the first one! It usually puts them off, like it's my decision when I'll get pregnant.. even tho it's been 6 months still no luck
coconut / 8483 posts
I just had another MC so if someone asks I'm in no mood. I will just probably say "whenever I can actually stay pregnant" and hope they shut up.
I'm in a great mood today
coffee bean / 33 posts
I would say something like, as soon as I am ready, physically. But it is lucky that the earth won't stop spinning because I don't have a baby. What I really would like to say is, Damn bitch, don't you understand that it is personal, very fucking personal to ask me what my great decisions in life are. How do you think I should react if you insinuate a societal norm as my real situation? How misunderstood should I feel in your company if you don't realise that we all have a very unique set of experiences and one must be very careful in treading on there.
pomelo / 5524 posts
I've said these in the past:
- It's not always as easy as you think
- We've been trying for the last x months, and nothing yet. You'll be the first to know.
- If it's someone my age, I ask the same back.
We have 2 boys, so I get the, "aren't you going to try for the girl?" In those cases, I flat out tell them that I was pregnant 6 times and was blessed with 2 boys. So I'm finished with that.
pomegranate / 3350 posts
My sister used to ask all the time before LO1 and really laid it on thick while I was having a mc (she didn't know) so at that point I told her that it was really rude to keep bringing it up and she needed to stop. She kind of got the hint then.
Now I am wondering what do you tell a 3 year old that keeps asking for another baby? Like every single day.
pear / 1558 posts
I hate this question. Especially when it often immediately follows gushing compliments on my DD. I say that we feel plenty blessed with her. Sometimes I'll start with the fact that we started late in life & feel that we were plenty blessed to have 1, and if we were so fortunate as to be blessed with another, we'd be thrilled. I *want* to say "mind your own damn business & maybe instead go ask someone why they had so many kids" (which of course is also another incredibly rude question, but it seems like no one asks someone that question & I wonder if that would demonstrate the equivalence in rudeness).
persimmon / 1445 posts
@RKitty: omg I loooooove this one
kiwi / 598 posts
@Mrs. Champagne: I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope people will keep their mouths shut through this difficult time. Ugh. People just have no clue until it happens to them. The hardest part for me was shrugging it off to spare *their* awkwardness while I was literally bleeding as they asked.
Hugs. 
coconut / 8483 posts
@Raspberry: ugh. Hugs. I literally hadn't stared bleeding yet but knew the pregnancy was non viable and my uncle said "you pregnant again yet?"
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