Hellobee Boards

I only talk to my DH and BFF. To be honest, I don't really have a very good IRL support system. Don't get me wrong, DH is wonderful, and my BFF tries, but she's not even TTC yet, so it's hard. I wish it were less taboo a topic! My RE office has an attached wellness center with classes, yoga and mental health professionals for infertility, but I haven't used it yet.

I feel the need to start by saying I'm not officially infertile, although when my friends and family members get pregnant like *that*, it sure does feel like it! (We had 3 months of NTNP, and are now onto cycle 7.)

@Mrs. Polish: that would be great if you could start a group! If we continue past a year, I would consider meeting a group if I felt it was casual.....if they said they were going to meet at a restaurant, or something like that. That's my comfort zone. I would also want to know that there was a positive emphasis to the meeting.

The best person for me to speak to is my mom. They tried for about 5 years (!) before she finally got pregnant. She really understands, and it is so, so, so nice to have her to speak to about all the TTC stuff. It has brought us closer together. I knew as a kid that they tried for awhile, but didn't think much about it b/c they have four children. We laughed about the same advice we had both read about a baking soda douche to make your vagina less-acidic--technology sure has changed, but some of the advice and definitely the feelings involved with TTC have not.

I don't speak too much about it with DH. He is very relaxed and tells me not to worry, and you can guess how that goes over. When I tried to tell him about the awful HSG, he got uncomfortable. Medical/body stuff makes him squirm, especially if it involves me. Friends don't usually ask, and if they do, it doesn't make me feel better when discussing it with them. "I'm telling you, you'll get pregnant after that HSG thing!" or just blank looks with head-nods....I usually feel worse, to be honest.

@Shutterbug: I'm jealous of you RE, big time. Even if I didn't take advantage of the yoga, etc., it would mean a lot to me that they recognize and care about your well-being past getting pregnant. While I feel like my doctor is efficient and competent, there is no compassion or interest in my holistic health. We'll discuss all the test results with her, and if there does show a need for medical intervention, I'll be looking elsewhere for continued care.

@Sugar.Biscuit: yes, that makes sense. If I could enjoy a glass of wine and have other women to laugh with and have fun, I would welcome that opportunity.

In the beginning I told like everyone I know that DH and I were TTC. Now that it has been over a year most people who I initially told are polite enough not to ask about it anymore, and the ones that weren't other friends told them to cut out the " are you pregnant yet?" line of questioning. Anyways around cycle 8 or so my best friend really encouraged me to go back to therapy. I had gone to therapy in the past and knew how beneficial it was. I had reached a point where I couldn't lay all of my feelings about this on my DH. It was taking a toll on our marriage. So luckily I have awesome insurance and only have to pay $25 dollars a session. This has been so valuable for me. I wish I had gone earlier and now if things come up for me I know I have someone who I can talk to and feel safe that they wont say something really insensitive when they don't mean to. I highly recommend talking with a therapist if you can swing it. I would also definitely join a support group. The fertility clinic I hope to go to soon, has a support group and plan on using it when the time comes. At this point I really don't like talking to friends anymore. I just never get what I need from them and walk away usually feeling more alone.

It took me a long time to talk to people IRL about IF (except my husband, of course). Now I feel like I talk to everyone who will listen. After I started to see an RE and have a diagnosis, I felt like it became more "real" or like I had a legitimate issue, not just that I was impatient. I talk to a couple co-workers, my closest friends, my sister and my mom now. It's been such a relief to be able to talk about it!

I talk to DH and there a couple of friends that know and will ask for any updates. My boss also knows our struggles since I've had to take time off from work for Dr's visits and we are friends.

I don't have a BFF or any close girlfriends so I don't really know what it's like to share every detail with someone other than a SO. If there was a support group in my area I would be a bit hesitant to go b/c I'm very quiet in person but I think it's a great idea.

I wish I was close to my mom but we just don't have that kind of relationship. I did tell her I was going to go on medication (clomid) to help but didn't tell her about the IUI. She is very supportive and a great mom, but we just don't have that friend-like aspect that I know a lot of mothers and daughters have. The language barrier can also make things a tad difficult.
I will say, however, that after my surgery I have been willing to share with her more stuff of what I've been going thru (i.e. having to do a HSG, getting back clomid again) and she's been extremely supportive.

For the first year of trying, I really only opened up to my husband about my feelings. It strengthened our relationship and we really leaned on one another.

As we moved into the 13 month mark I started to feel more depressed about the next steps, and I knew I needed to find a support system. Hellobee was a huge support. And then I opened up to my mom and my best friend. My best friend has been great throughout all of this.

I also took a leap of faith and joined a yoga for fertility class - I found out about it through my RE office. I thought it would just be good for me to get started with yoga but it turned out to be a very therapeutic gathering with a small group of women all going through infertility. I treasured those classes, and was so happy I decided to talk about all of this in person.

Finding a support system during infertility is so important.

i had a friend at church that was going through IF and we quickly became very close friends through our shared journey. both of us were also on the hannah's hope boards (online) a lot, too, and i know she connected with some other local folks through that. i don't know who i would have talked to if i didn't connect with my dear friend!