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I have a hard time with friends who met their now husbands after we started TTC. It really depends on the person though, and how I find out.

People announcing their second child is hardest for me. Mostly because usually they were pregnant, had a LO, and got pregnant again in the time I've been TTC.

I had 3 friends (2 IRL and 1 on FB) who were due with in weeks of me with our first pregnancy and m/c. I defriended them all on FB and luckily on saw the other two maybe once a year so it wasn't bad but I had to remove it from my life or seeing it would hurt too much.

I really, really, really struggle with people who got pregnant "easily." Even though we are expecting this Oct it still ticks me off when someone says how it easy it was! DH's cousin got married and found out two weeks later they were expecting. They were very happy about it but it was hard because they didn't have to "try" and I was doing EVERYTHING I could to get pregnant. However, she called me and told me one-on-one instead of waiting for a family party so she handled it perfectly.

ETA: I don't think the sting of infertility or loss ever goes away. I still catch myself wondering why it was so easy for some people or why some people never experience a loss.

I think it's hardest to hear the news from family and close friends. I learned that both my sister and best friend would be trying for #2 while we were still in the midst of our 20 month journey to #1. My best friend texted me the news, she's one of the lucky ones that only has to try once and she's pregnant. I basically told her, "I'm happy for you - but I'm going to fade away for a little bit". I think good friends understand. And now, we're closer than ever.

With my sister it was so hard because she called to break the news to me at a really terrible time in our IF journey. We had just made it through the hysteroscopy surgery with hopes that we could get pregnant without having to start the IUI process. I had just gotten my period indicating we would be moving on to medication, and she called the same day. I couldn't hold back my tears. I told her I was happy for her, but I may not talk to her for a while. It was a hard time. And then it still took us 3 IUIs to conceive our first. My sister is due in August, I'm due in November. And we've been talking again for a few months now.

@ladybee: I couldn't agree with you more, that the sting of infertility never goes away. I don't want to tell everyone that says "congratulations" that it was a really hard process for us. But when people say, "I didn't even know you were trying" I have to stay something. Usually it's something like, "Well, it wasn't an easy process for us, and it's a private matter that we didn't openly discuss."

Those who got pregnant super easily are the most difficult for me to deal with. I just have a hard time relating to them, even now that I'm pregnant!

@AuntieEm: That's actually why I announced my pregnancy earlier than 12 weeks. I didn't know it would happen, but it did end in m/c at 9.5 weeks (3 days after I announced, awesome), and I wanted people to know so they wouldn't push us about having kids. Our family knew we were definitely starting to get serious about wanting kids, so they almost definitely would have said something that I'd find upsetting if they didn't know. I plan to announce when we get another BFP pretty much immediately for the same reason. (Though I'll wait to see the heartbeat, more than likely.)

@AuntieEm: That would make me furious. We got lucky that the first only took one try, but we didn't take that for granted. And since it didn't end well, that sort of statement is so incredibly insensitive. Ugh! I'm getting mad just thinking about it!

@LizSmith: ugh, yeah. And those statements were followed by the expectant fathers high-fiving in front of DH and praising their strong sperm. Poor DH said he had to bite his tongue

@LizSmith: Yes, DH too! He was torn I think between saying "it's not just about strong sperm, guys" and "hey, I have strong strong sperm too!" LOL. He felt a little left out I think. Haha.

I'll jump on this thread-jacking train!

@AuntieEm: @LizSmith: Ugh, I'm totally feeling these issues too! When we were on month 8 or so of trying I was hanging out with a few ladies and 2 of them said they cried when they got pregnant because it happened so quickly and they weren't ready! I was ready to smack them, but I bit my tongue. If it was a month later (after my first m/c) it wouldn't have ended well..

I have a few family members that ask me too often about kids/getting pregnant. I usually tell them not to ask me about it if its direct. Depending on who it is I sometimes get angry with them. One of my aunts mentions something often and doesn't remember that it upsets me because she has Alzheimer's.

Some of my favorite cousins are in town this weekend and I'm considering not going to see them (and other family) because I'm afraid of how I would react if someone says something One of them told me a few years ago that she had a dream about me being pregnant (before we were trying, luckily).

Students are the hardest for me to deal with. We waited to start TTC until we felt we had a good foundation in our marriage and were financially in a good place...but that doesn't make the baby fever go away!!! It's hard to see people get pregnant who don't want kids or who have no idea the responsibility that is required to be good parents.

As some others have mentioned close family and friends will be the worst for me. We get asked on a regular basis what's taking us so long and it takes every fibre of my being not to explain to them how rude it is.... I know they have no idea what we are going through.

I know the hardest ones will be my cousin and BFF who both got married recently and I expect to get KU soon. They both know what we are going through so I can only hope that when that time comes they are sensitive about telling me....

I want so badly to be happy for everyone.. but the hardest to take would be those who aren't even trying -- a few months ago I poured my heart out to my best friend about everything that had been going on with our struggles and an hour later she told me that she was pregnant and wasn't even trying and was even sort of upset because it wasn't how she had planned.. I got crazy drunk after that and cried for a long while.

I want so badly to be happy for her and to talk a lot like we used to, but I find myself becoming much more introverted through this whole process..

I had a "friend" who got engaged and was planning a wedding for two years in advance. She knew we were TTC, and struggling, and she *insisted* we look for bridesmaid dresses immediately. I was hesitant because I didn't see the point in buying a BM dress two years in advance AND I had no idea if/when I would be pregnant. She was also vocal that she didn't want a pregnant bridesmaid.

Other factors came into play, but our friendship eventually dissolved.

She got pregnant almost right after her wedding, and I was devastated. We'd been trying for three years at that point, and she was so "against" me being pregnant that it was a bitter pill for me to swallow when I found out that she was.

@chibee: Sounds like we experienced a very similar situation. My SIL drank almost 2 bottles of wine and hot boxed our basement the night before she found out she's pregnant. :\ Needless to say she wasn't even trying.

I'm not sure if I fit in with IF either... I've only been TTC for 6 months, but I never ovulated and now my period has completely stopped. In any case I do not feel like I fit in with the regular POASers anymore.

Just went on FB to baby #3 announcement from a girl I grew up with (so we're the same age).

This thread makes me so glad I don't know many people of childbearing age. IF sucks enough as it is without the announcements!