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I guess I wasn't technically "unable" to BF, but basically LO would scream at the breast every single time I tried to feed him. We did a whole song and dance for 7 weeks - put to breast, scream for 5 minutes, plead with him to suck, feel like a terrible mother, prepare formula, give to husband to feed, go pump, etc. Plus taking all sorts of galactagogues. And working with a lactation consultant. And going to the ped office every few days to make sure he was gaining weight (since he was losing a lot in the beginning). I tried EPing for a few weeks but it took 40 minutes to get anything (20 minutes of NOTHING and then the milk would usually - sometimes - start flowing, a little bit). It was rough because sometimes the baby would cry and I didn't know whether to pick him up and comfort him or keep pumping.

I read up on BF research and weighed what I found with my motherly instinct saying, "GO TO YOUR FUSSY BABY!" I decided it was insane to put my BFing "goals" and dogma ahead of his needs (especially when the science didn't show overwhelming benefits), so I stopped.

Emotionally it was really hard at first and I totally felt like a failure but as he started gaining weight and becoming a really happy and content baby, things got easier. Then I realized he had been starving in those early weeks (oops) and I felt more guilt. Now, I don't feel guilty but I do feel like I'm a little less a part of this whole motherhood gig. Most of my mom friends' conversations revolve around pumping, elimination diets, etc., and I have nothing to contribute, but 'tis a small price to pay for a healthy, thriving baby!

My milk didn't come in. LO cried and cried and cried, so we suplimented, and then she got used to the bottle and didn't want the boob anymore and then I finally got her back on the boob but couldn't take the pain. And in the middle of all of this realized I couldn't take my migraine pain either, I had to take meds and they aren't safe for my baby. So pumping wasn't an option either.

It was sooooo hard on me emotionally. I cried and cried and cried about it. I was so embarrassed giving LO a bottle out in public. I felt like everyone was judging me. Which was pretty crazy because I don't live in a place where it's the norm to breastfeed. But it's what I really wanted to do, and it's what I thought was the right thing to do. It took me a really long time to realize that just because "breast is best" for some people does not mean it was best for me and my LO. Plus, my LO is sooooo healthy! She's consistently been in the 90th percentile for height and weight, and she very rarely gets sick. She's had 2 colds in her 20 months of life, and they haven't been bad at all.

I feel like the odds were against us from the beginning. She was small and jaundiced, so she was really sleepy all the time. Too sleepy to eat well, so I never got the stimulation I needed to produce much milk. At her 1 month appt we find out that she's lost 7 ounces from her birth weight! I felt so awful... So, we had to start supplementing her with formula. I would feed 15 minutes each side, then give her a bottle. That whole process was taking an hour, so now I exclusively pump while DH feeds her a bottle. I'm only making about 1/3 - 1/2 of what she needs now though.

I had HORRIBLE guilt about having to give her formula. So much crying... I'm finally starting to accept it now. It still really bums me out that it didn't work, but I feel like I'll be more prepared for how to make it work for #2.

i was hardly producing any milk, i have no idea why. he was breastfed around the clock and we didnt suppliment. we had home health come out to check on him due to jaudince and losing weight. met with lc at the hospital multiple times and a nurse at home to help breastfeeding but still was not working. at 2 weeks old he was still over a pound less then what he weighed at birth and the dr mentioned supplimenting with formula. i siad i wanted to try pumping and supplimenting with bm doing sns(we did this in the hospital when he was born) welllll that didnt work out bc i was still breast feeding all the time and i would pump multiple tiems a day and still only get not even one ounce TOTAL (adding up all my pump sessions togeher would equal that measly ounce) he would gulp that down. we had to switch to formula and he gained instantly. there is no worse feeling in the world learning your lo is starving and its your own fault.
i still feel guilty about it but breastfeeding didnt work out, hopefully next time it will. but formula isnt the end of the world and i am trying to accept that still at 8 months old. its still tough to think about. but my lo is the happiest baby and is very healthy so he is thriving on formula.

@FarmWifeGina: omg fresh goats milk! That's amazing!! I've never heard of anyone actually doing that but I have seen recipes for homemade formula using raw goats or cows milk.
If I ever can't breastfeed I'll buy a goat

Well, we are breastfeeding, but not exclusively, so I thought I would chime in since I didn't see my specific reasoning on here so far.

In the beginning, my milk didn't come in right away. I had a post partum hemmorhage and I'm not sure if that was why or not. Either way, LO was dropping weight fast. We were already asked to supplement before we left the hospital, which was the next that negatively hurt our chances. Since we introduced a bottle so early, she was a really gentle sucker when I would put her to breast. And her latch was really weak (I had flat nipples and she had a high roof palate so she couldn't feel when my breast was in her mouth). She'd barely latch, pop off, scream hysterically one moment, and then fall asleep the next. I was pumping round the clock (after every single feed), but it didn't make my supply sky rocket. I took More Milk Plus, domperidone, etc. None of it really helped.

I was a MESS about it. Extremely stressed out and upset. Crying constantly. My mom had really bad PPD so I was really nervous about going down that same route. I went to the doctor and got on anti-depressants. We had very supportive family around that let me sleep. I was so depressed and exhausted that instead of dealing with the nurse/pump/formula feed ring-a-round, I just went to bed. My family took care of LO, gave her formula, and I STTN for a few nights in a row, while my milk supply was trying to establish. They also encouraged DH and I to go out and take some time to ourselves, which equated to more missed nursing/pumping sessions which would have helped my supply. Then, at 6 weeks, LO started STTN herself. Great for us in terms of sleeping. But again, it meant less nursing/pumping sessions which told my breasts to not make additional milk. I could have gotten up to pump in the middle of the night, but if the baby was sleeping, SO WAS I.

I finally decided to stop stressing about the whole thing, and we've been combination feeding the whole time. LO has gotten about half breastmilk and half formula for all of her life so far. It works. Her latch and suck slowly improved, and nursing sessions finally got enjoyable on occasion. My milk supply is in tact, even if it isn't enough to meet her needs, she still gets it. But now that I'm out of my post-partum nightmare, I am very conscious of making sure I get in as many breast stimulations as possible (either nursing or pumping) to keep my supply here.

It is, by far, the most difficult thing I've ever done. I was completely ill-prepared for the commitment it was going to be. And I have some regrets about how the beginning went in terms of introducing a bottle so early and being told to supplement instead of putting her to breast more often. But oh well!

I had retained tissue in my uterus at delivery which inhibited my prolactin reaction and my milk never came in. I tried and tried but she started dropping weight and getting jaundiced and would just scream and scream every time I tried to feed her.

I had a traumatic birth and PPD and I couldn't handle it. I tried relactating after the tissue was removed, but it was never very successful.

It hit me really hard. I was extremely angry and bitter about it for a long, long time. I felt like a failure as a mother and and a woman. I know that, in the end, we did what we had to do and my daughter has always been happy and thriving on the bottle. It's just hard to give up on something you really wanted, especially with how much guilt and condescension is involved with formula feeding.

Look at all these long stories! It seriously is one of the hardest things to deal with!

We tried for three weeks but supplemented the whole time. If I had the time and energy, I would have continued to do it. The reality, though, is that my DH went back to work when they were 10 days old. THe combination of BFing, pumping, and prepping formula bottles -- and cleaning the pump parts AND the bottles -- was actually making me a worse Mommy. I had no time to be with my babies because I was too busy working at feeding them! We are all much happier with formula

@Monkula: That's on my list, but to take later on in the pregnancy (I just found out the other day). Think I should be taking that now too already? I'm doing progesterone cream and myo-inositol right now.

@Mrs Green Grass: I absolutely agree with your last paragraph also, which is sad.

@FarmWifeGina; there are mixed reviews on when to start. I started later in my second pregnancy (I forgot you were not very far along yet!) and that is supposed to be safer. But my midwife said I could take it the whole time, and I have read that some women have done that. Otherwise alfalfa is good early in pregnancy.

@Monkula: Did you feel like it helped? I think I read somewhere that it can cause contractions, which is why I had mentally relegated it to the third tri. But maybe that's not true?

@FarmWifeGina; I do feel it helped. But I took it in the third trimester and did have some BH/an episode of early labor, and I don't know if it contributed or not. If you want to stay on the safe side, wait to take it. The alfalfa seemed to help also and I took that the whole way through. Maybe we could just e-mail back and forth? That way we don't hog the thread. I'd love to help if I can!

@Mrs Green Grass: Yes, the shoving the boob in his mouth was so awful. It almost felt like I was violating him. So glad those days are over.

You've obviously done everything you could have to BF. No one should give you a hard time about it or judge you (and that should go for people who just choose not to BF, too! so very many of us were raised on formula and are healthy and smart, so I'm not sure where we picked up the idea that it's somehow so terrible!).

@FarmWifeGina: omg so funny!