Hellobee Boards

You have my sympathy! I went through this too around the 2 year mark. We couldn't leave the room until she fell asleep, which meant us staying in the room for an hour! Then she started waking up every hour from 1-6am until we finally brought her into bed with us.

We finally decided she had to learn to fall sleep on her own without us there, otherwise she will wake up wanting us there (which seems like what you are going through right now). It took about 1 week, but we had a strict bedtime schedule and then before leaving the room told her that we loved her and will be there...that we will come back if she needs us, but that she had to go to bed by herself. If she started crying we would always come back, reassure her and then leave again. It was a different sort of training from when we did CIO with her as an infant, but as soon as she learned to fall asleep without us, she stopped waking up in the MOTN.

Btw, my kid is really stubborn, very clingy and has major separation anxiety so I know what you are going through!

No real advice because DS is similar. Except he just sleeps with us from the start and has been for a while. I'm too lazy to go back and forth when he wakes up - I'd rather just get a full nights sleep. Yes he wakes me up sometimes but at least I don't have to get out of bed. I figure he'll outgrow at some point. When? I don't know!

@travellingbee: can you do the gradual retreat thing? You could start by sitting on a chair next to the bed and gradually shifting your chair a bit closer to the door every few days. You could also try the whole "I'm just going to empty the dishwasher, I'll be back in five minutes" thing.
My other thought would be to make a small floor bed in your room so LO can sleep in the room without being in your bed.

And for what it's worth, I really believe there are some kids that will just not respond to CIO...

You have my sympathy!! LO is 2.5 and will not fall asleep unless we (mostly, me) is beside her. And she still sleeps in our bed. When I suggest she try her own bed, which is right next to our bed (!!) she breaks down sobbing we don't have it in us to try CIO, and when we have briefly she screams and sobs until she makes herself sick, so that doesn't work either. At least she STTN, but I'm generally too tired by the time I put get her asleep to have any night of my own. Blerg, you have my sympathy...at least you are not alone?

@travellingbee: 1 hour is progress! It will get better each day, just be consistent and you'll get there.

@skipra: @travellingbee: We never sleep trained LMW as a baby, she started STTN on her own at 8 months, but we have gone through I think 6 sleep regressions that last between 2-6 weeks each. We've been through the CIO vomiting, nosebleeds, and standing in her crib all night long. Literally she stood for 6 hours. So I definitely know how you feel. We get to wit's end every single time. She is 2.5 years old now (30 months) and has just recovered from her last regression, which was illness related, I think. If I had my way she'd just come into bed with us, but Wagon Sr. stuck to his guns and I'm glad he did. Here's what we had to do to minimize crying (in order to avoid nosebleeds and vomiting):

At its worst, she'd cry all through bedtime and not want us to leave. We'd get as far away as she'd let us, usually the glider in her room, and sit there until she was in deep sleep, then sneak out. But even this convincing sometimes involved yelling at her to stop crying and threatening to leave the room. Nothing else seems to work with her.. not even hugging her and basically laying in her bed with her (she's in a crib converted to a toddler bed).

Then as things got better, we would sit by her door, on the floor, instead of the glider, until she fell asleep. A few days of that and we'd sit in her doorway. A few days of that and we'd sit outside her door. Inevitably she'd sit up and look for us and start crying but we'd poke our head in and shush her right away. Sometimes on bad days she'd beg for us to sit in the chair instead. But we didn't want to go backwards. Most bedtimes were battles and we put a king size pillow on the floor outside her door so whoever was doing her bedtime could sit or lay on the floor, and we'd watch her on the video monitor and surf the internet on our smartphone. Eventually she'd stop checking on us one night and then we'd start SAYING we were outside the door but we'd actually leave and run back up if she started crying.

The worst, worst worst thing about this is that she'd still wake up every 1-2 hours all night long and we'd have to do whatever we did at bedtime all over again.

The only good thing about all this is that every regression has ended eventually.

Towards the end of regressions we'd take her to our bed with any wakeups past 4 or 5am.

Good luck :T it is just awful, awful awful.

We started co-sleeping with my son at 19 months. I had been sleep training with him pretty much non-stop since 6 months. We were travelling for Thanksgiving and he didn't want to sleep in the pack and play, so to bed with us he came. We realized he just needed to be close. It's not perfect, but so much better than what it had been (waking and crying every 2-4 hours all night and wanting to nurse back to sleep). He STTN in his crib (on his own) maybe 4 times. He's now 21 months and wants me either in the room or in the doorway as he falls asleep. I'm still nursing, so if he wakes after 10 (usually 11), we do a quick nursing session then into bed with me til morning (usually 7). If it's before 10 I just shh him back to sleep in his crib while standing in the doorway. He still wakes in the MOTN after I bring him to bed, but will quickly fall back to sleep rather than screaming and being awake for hours in his crib. CIO just didn't work and I don't have it in me to try again anytime soon. Maybe when he's closer to 3 we'll try to get him back in his bed and transition to a toddler bed. For now, this works and I'm finally getting some "decent" sleep! When we started co-sleeping, he would wiggle and kick and even laugh or want to play. If that happened, I would put him back in his crib for a few minutes and leave then come get him and ask if he wanted to sleep with mommy. He would calm down and I think he realized he had to be still if he wanted to sleep with us.

@travellingbee: is he in a crib? We went through this recently with our 23-month old, and eventually he started climbing out of his crib, so we had to transition him to the toddler bed (converted crib). It has surprisingly really helped with these types of issues - I think maybe he just hated waking up and feeling confined? I don't know.

It's funny though...we also sleep-trained when he was little, and it was such a waste looking back! If I had known that sleep was just going to be a series of sleeping fine and then regressions, I would have saved us both the heartbreak. I won't be sleep training future babies.

Good luck! I know it is so SO difficult when they don't sleep!