DH and I had plans with another couple recently. I have been friends with the guy since highschool and they are getting married next August. His fiance is a pre-school teacher and was saying that her goal is to become a full-time nanny after they get married. She wants to focus on 1-2 children instead of 20 so she can really making a difference. in their lives
Lightbulb moment....DH and I are TTC and hopefully will have a baby around that time. We trust her 100% and know that our estimated childcare budget is more than she makes as a pre-school teacher.
BUT.... how weird would it be if she became our Nanny? My fear is that I will resent her because she gets to spend quality time with my LO while I am off working all day. But then again, why would I leave LO with a virtual stranger when I could leave him/her with a friend who I know will care for them as their own? No baby yet and I'm already conflicted!!
What do you think?
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First off, you don't know for sure if she will be a nanny by then so I'd just sit tight. When she does, you could always do a test run with her to see how she bonds with the kid and y'alls morales, etc. If it looks promising, I'd trust my friend watching my kid!
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@Alivoo01: beat me to it!
I'd wait on making any decisions for awhile. Then just try a test run to see how it goes. You might find that it makes you uncomfortable, you might find that it's the best situation! And go from there
Definitely don't mention anything yet - I've learned from past experiences with other things that jumping the gun can sometimes make things worse in the long run if someone changes their mind.
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My first question is... what happens if you don't want to use her anymore for whatever reason? Would that make things tense between you and your friend?
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Obviously you have a long time before you need to seriously think about this since you are still TTC. But honestly, I probably would not hire a friend as a nanny. I would not want our personal relationship to make me hesitate to be upfront with her if there are problems. When it comes to my child I just wouldn't want any conflicts of interest.
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@MamaMoose: bingo!
I am too much of a perfectionist to hire a friend as a nanny. I would not be able to tell them if I had any issues with their care and it might get awkward. I would need my nanny relationship to be strictly professional. That's just me though...
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I'm with the other ladies in that I wouldn't worry too much about it now. TTC can take a while and you just never know what will happen. If down the road the opportunity arises, I would have a friend nanny with no reservations. I would much rather leave my little one with someone I know trust and care for, especially if she has that sort of teaching background. As long as you know she respects you and your parenting decisions I think it's a great idea.
I'm speaking from experience here as I actually have a teaching degree and am paid by my sister-in-law to nanny my nephew part time. It works out great for us, and I know she appreciates not having to leave him with a stranger.
ETA: also I should add that I would hate, hate having a stranger in my house all day. that's not even an option for me. but I'm a weirdo.
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I'd say from personal experience not to even consider it. Our nanny is a co-worker's relative and OMG it can be so awkward at times.
We've just trialed two new folks who we would prefer to employ who are not in any way associated with us, except professionally.
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i wouldn't hire a friend either - it can get very awkward when you go from being friends (i.e. equals) to a superior/subordinate relationship. some people handle it well. i personally did not feel comfortable with it, where i was the boss and my friend worked for me, and i don't think she did either. the friendship went from being very close to merely acquaintances, very quickly. it was a crappy situation, but that is just my experience.
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I had a similar option but didn't think twice about not using it. For a couple reasons. One if you don't like the way she's watching your child it's much harder to say so to a friend. If you wanted to fire her it's much harder with a friend.
I prefer a stranger that I will have no qualms over telling them I don't like how they're doing certain things.
Also preschool kids are very different from newborns/infants! Does she have experience with NB/infants? -
Thank you all for your advice. I'm obviously not looking to make any decisions right now, but it just got me thinking....
Knowing me, the whole situation would probably not end well. As others have pointed out, I have issues with being an opinionated perfectionist, and I also have issues with confrontation, so I can imaging wanting to tell her to do something a certain way and then stressing out about confronting her until it drove me (and my poor DH) insane.
Thanks for the input, Bees!
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