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It would depend on the circumstances and motives for doing it, but I think in the circumstances you mention I wouldn't mind. DH's dad is an identical twin, so from a genetic standpoint the kids of his dad's twin are like his half siblings, but from any other standpoint they are just normal cousins.

I would be super bothered by this and it would be a deal breaker for me if DH donated sperm to a close friend OR a stranger. Our kids will be his only kids and I would feel weird knowing he intentionally had another child that was not a part of our daily lives. I would not donate eggs or be a surrogate either.

@caterw: what if he donated before he got together with you? Just curious as the donors at the sperm bank where we went are pretty young - all basically under 30. So very possible the donors did it before getting married etc.

It would not bother me at all and I would actually love to donate eggs some day. I would of liked to be a surrogate but would rather donate eggs than be pregnant again.

@Foodnerd81: same. I wish I could say it wouldn't bother me, but it would. Kind of feel like a hypocrite because if we were ever in a situation where we needed a sperm / egg donor, I would use it.

@wrkbrk: For the record, I do think it's awesome that sperm and egg donation are options for people. My sister will be unable to have kids without both due to fertility issues and both of my siblings are gay- all of my future nieces and nephews will likely be from donors and/ or surrogates! I would just be uncomfortable with my DH being the one that does it.

Yes. This would be a big deal to me. I don't like the idea of his genetic material being combined with someone else's...I don't like the idea of him fathering children with someone else.

I wouldn't like him to donate to randoms. But I don't mind at all if he donates to his brother, which might happen one day because we already know his brother has no sperm. I donated my eggs to my sister years ago after she tried multiple rounds of Ivf. I don't view what I did as "mothering a child" with my BIL (ugh.. so disgusting ) and i won't view my husband as having "fathered a child" if he donates to his brother (equally absurd). We are just aunties and uncles to little kids who may or may not look like us because we share the same genetic make up - just like all aunties and uncles do with their nieces and nephews!

I don't think any of those scenarios would bother me, but it's hard to know when it's all theoretical at this point.

@Cherrybee: Hypothetically speaking, I feel the same way. I would mind much less for DH to donate anonymously to people we wouldn't ever know. I think I might have a hard time knowing/being involved with a family raising my DH's biological child. But it's hard to say without actually being in that situation.

DH's nephew recently asked DH's brother for his generic material. BIL said no so they asked another nephew. DH was hurt to not have been asked.

I think I'd be OK with him donating to friends or strangers. He makes smart and good looking babies.

DH was actually asked once and we declined. Its not that we don't support donating or anything like that, its just that we would see the child and be involved in his/her life and we both felt that we wouldn't be able to keep appropriate boundaries. DH admitted he would think of him/her as his child in some way and feel responsible. And I agreed that I would feel similarly. I think that sets things up to be messy in the future (like if they made parenting decisions that we disagreed with or if they had some financial situation that adversely affected the child). So they went with someone else. I have no idea if it was someone they knew or if they went with a bank, but yeah, that's where we stood on it.

Anonymously, not at all, especially if it was prior to our relationship. To a friend or family member, I really can't say. It would entirely depend on circumstance.

i think i would hesitate if it was going to be for a baby that we would see and be close to. but i guess i would see how i really feel if the situation actually presented itself. a sperm bank i have no issue with. DH is not interested in doing it though.

My brothers sister is gay, so when she & her partner were ready for a child the idea of him donating was brought up. His sister pretty quickly said they wanted unrelated sperm because they planned to take turns being pregnant & wanted the chance for the kids to share the same donor father. But if they ask sometime in the future, it's a possibility (unless DH gets that dang vasectomy he's been promising me!)
Until it's a real request, though, I don't know 100% how I feel. It seems like it'd be strange to be "uncle dad" but also strange to hide that information from the child. If it was for strangers, I'd be totally fine. Sometimes I think of donating my eggs, once my kids are older.

It would not bother me if we reached the decision together to donate either to strangers or someone we know.

I would want to know if he had done that before we met! I'd probably feel a little weird that someone (or multiple persons) out there has/have DH's DNA in them... But it wouldn't bother me that much.

We've had this discussion and would be OK if it was someone close to us, but not with anonymous donation. Life is so uncertain, I'd feel weird if one of us had a child out there and we didn't know if they're being treated well, if they're in some very bad situation and no one is looking out for them... very unlikely because most likely they'd be in a loving family, but it did bother me (and DH, when I pointed it out to him).

I still think it's a great and very generous thing to do. Talk about holding two contradictory opinions at once!

As someone whose husband makes no sperm and who wants a family, I'm happy that there are women who are okay with this. Not judging those of you who don't, but until you get to a place where it's needed, you have no idea what it means. Before we found out about DH I thought we would never in a million years consider it. Now I thank my lucky stars there are selfless men (and their partners) willing to help people fulfill their dreams of a family.

I'd probably be ok with it being in the family, but I don't know about others. Just my honest gut reaction. It's not something I've ever seriously considered.