I do want to send my kids to private school but that would be $60-70k a year for both. Last night I asked DH if we could send one to private and one to public if we couldn't afford to send both and he said absolutely not and that it would mess up our kids. I dunno...I went to private growing up and I had some friends who had siblings in public while they were in private. It didn't seem to cause drama.
Would you do it?
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
I wouldn't do it because in my mind I feel like it might show favouritism.
grapefruit / 4049 posts
We're going to do private (parochial) school for both. Out here in CA for elementary, it's going to be around $10K/child/year at the most, which I think is reasonable. Both hubby and I went to parochial schools and want the same for the girls. Private (parochial) high school gets much more expensive, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
The thing with one kid going to public and one going to private is, how do you choose who goes where and why?
pomelo / 5321 posts
I don't think it would be fair. Like @Rubies, I think it would show favoritism. I did have a friend that went to private school throughout elementary school and then got to decide whether she wanted to stay in private school or go to public school for middle school. She chose to go to public school for middle & high school. Her brother (who was younger) stayed in private school.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@NYCaliMama: it was just always the first born for the families that I knew. So first come first served I guess ....
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i think it might cause issues between the kids so i wouldn't.
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
@Andrea: my husband went to private high school (all boys prep) and his sister did not -- she went to a public magnet school.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@Mrs. Cowgirl: was it a cost reason? how did that play out?
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
@Andrea: no, it was more because it was a boys prep school and his sister didn't want to go to private school anyway. this was only for high school, btw. i think cost was definitely a factor, especially since mr. cowboy's sister is only one year older than he is, but both were happy where they were and that was the main reason, not so much cost. FWIW, i think his sister's magnet program was actually higher ranked than his private school!
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@Mrs. Cowgirl: yeah, since it's a magnet program I was thinking that was probably really good anyway!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I would want them both to attend public school!
I went to public high school with a girl whose older sister attended a private school near their Dad's work. Her sister and Dad would commute to SF together EARLY in the morning. Her parents wanted to put her in that private school too but she told them she wanted to go to the public high school near their house and stay with her friends!
squash / 13764 posts
Only if there were a reason...like one needed more specialized attention or had a specific talent that would be much better served at a private school.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I wouldn't. How do you pick which one gets the better education?
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@Leialou: For the people I know they started with their first borns. Perhaps they hoped that they could one day afford to send the others but then I guess they never could...
honeydew / 7917 posts
I am one of five girls. My youngest sister and I were not given the option (money), but the rest had a choice between private and public. The oldest chose private and the other two chose public. It definitely affected my oldest sister because she was around others who were well off. She would try to keep up in appearances, and my other sisters would be upset with my parents spending more money on her.
grapefruit / 4110 posts
I believe that it depends on each individual child. Some will thrive better in each situation so we hope to do what is best for each of them. That may be private school, homeschooling, public school, or alternative school.
cantaloupe / 6687 posts
My husband went to private high school and his sister went to public. His grandfather paid for it bc my husband was super smart but getting into trouble in public middle school. He got a full ride to Duke and has a master's degree. His grandfather offered to pay for her college but she dropped out after one semester.
I would not want to send one kid and not the other...or at least give both the opportunity...if we could only send one then I would all mt kids to public school
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
no, probably not... unless one had really special needs or there was a specific circumstance involved.
i wouldn't think it'd be fair to send one to a private school and another to a public school.
pomegranate / 3329 posts
I'm in this situation now, my son goes to private and my husband doesn't want our daughter to go to private school. We are going to give a charter school a try next year. My son is very smart but does not do well in public school so it's not an option.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I don't think private school equals a better education than public as a matter of course, but if a.child of mine either had an outstanding ability or a special need, then we would consider private school.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
My parents sent my brother and me both to private middle school and then let us choose what to do for high school. I chose private and bro chose public. We both went on to well respected universities and have successful careers. But while I do believe children can be successful in both environments, I still would not feel comfortable offering an opportunity to one child and not the other because of financial reasons (it would be different if one child had a special situation that warranted a specialized environment.)
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I went to public school and my siblings went to private school. We are all about 4 years apart so it wasn't that big of a deal. I think my brother was at public school until second grade so when I went on to junior high (6th grade), him and my sister moved to the private school. It wasn't a big deal because it wasn't like we would have been at the same school anyways.
I do get a bit envious sometimes but I ended up in a really great public high school education (actually my parents wanted me to switch to a catholic high school at 9th grade but I refused). I think it was more frustrating to hear all the stupid private school issues (I don't like the way uniforms fit, so and so has a cell phone in 5th grade, etc). Things that obviously weren't issues at my public high school .
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@yin: This is what I was trying to say above, there is definitely a different lifestyle between public and private school kids.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Thehistoryofus: depends where the schools are and if they are parochial. Private doesn't necessarily mean upper class or wealthy.
coconut / 8234 posts
I would not. It seems like favoritism unless there are extenuating circumstances such as a learning disability. I mentor a girl whose younger brother goes to private school because he's the boy. She goes to public school and although she likes her school she doesn't understand why her parents did this and feels like her brother is the "golden"child.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
It would depend on the situation. I would not send one of it was due to finances and the other one could go I we had the money. But if one was particularly interested in something that the private school or a public school had or had a specual need that would be addressed better there, I would consider it then. We have great public schools where I live, so ours will likely go to the public magnet school if we still live here.
persimmon / 1453 posts
I grew up as one of five kids, so I tend to be really careful/sensitive about that kind of thing. My sisters and I have all gone to college, but my younger siblings had to make bigger sacrifices because my parents had run out of money. It's not necessarily something you hold against your family, but it's still easy to resent.
If I couldn't do it for all my kids, I wouldn't do it for any. I will not do something for my oldest child if we don't know we can do the same or equivalent for the younger ones.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
Not every school is right for every kid. If I felt a public school was right for one and a private school for the other, I'd do it. But not for budgetary reasons.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I couldn't do it, I would first have a hard time pickign which one deserved the "better" education and second I wouldn't want to cause a rift between my children. It would either be both or neither.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I would only do that if one of my children was special needs in some way and wasn't thriving correctly in public school. Then I could understand sending them to a private school that might specialize in whatever my child needed.
But if it was just because I thought private school was better than public school, then no, I wouldn't send one child over the other. How would you be able to decide which one gets to go??
cantaloupe / 6800 posts
I guess in some situations it works and makes sense, but for me if I couldn't afford both to go I wouldn't offer it to either
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
No because I feel like some issues might arise between the kids as they got older.
cherry / 245 posts
Yes, what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander.
My brother and I started out in private school. It only went through second grade, and my brother was having problems in kindergarden. So after second grade we both went to public school, because it was what he needed for his dislexia and my mom did not want to play favorites.
We were talking about this a few years ago, and again recently and she says that this decision was her BIGGEST regret. She said she should have left me in Private school. I would have done much better and needed that environment at least until High School and honors classes. She said looking back she feels like she hindered my learning ablitiy by keeping me at schools that couldn't keep up with me. Plus I remember feeling resentful at my brother for a while because it was his fault I was at a school where I wasn't learning anything.
So we are going to do the same. Everyone starts out a private school, and then if we need to move one then we will. But at 6th grade they will get a choice.
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