Hellobee Boards

No advice but sending you lots and lots of and hugs. Thinking of you!

I had a pregnancy after a 23 week loss. It was very hard, emotionally and physically. I was in therapy for the duration of my pregnancy due to anxiety (started therapy after I lost my son). I found it really helped me be present and mindful- to feel every feeling I had without judgment about it. It also helped me connect my son who I lost to the new baby- like he was watching over her...

Honestly, now that my (double as I had a miscarriage prior to my stillbirth) rainbow baby is here, I still struggle.

I would say share your pregnancy, and know that loving this new baby does not mean you don't love and miss your other baby. Hugs to you, it's just hard.

Oh, I also found it incredibly hard when people got super excited I was pregnant. Like they expected it to take the pain away or something. But I really did feel better when I went public- and I did over social media, just so I wouldn't have to deal with reactions in person (except for close family and friends).

@MaryM: I wrote a long response to you the other day and it got eaten up. The situation surrounding my loss at 18 weeks is different than yours and I'm not pregnant right now. However, I've joined a Facebook group relating to TFMR. From what I can tell from what women post there, subsequent pregnancies following significant losses are riddled with anxiety, fear, and guilt. There is happiness and sadness at the same time. It seems that everything you are experiencing is very normal (and healthy in the grieving process). There are not many on HB who have suffered second trimester losses, stillbirths or who have TMFR in second trimester - Lulabee, Sandy, Delight, Aegie come to mind. I'm by no means saying leave HB, but perhaps a Facebook group specific to stillbirths might have more experiences that you can relate to? I know that for me, hearing and reading other's experiences helps me greatly. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy

I lost a pregnancy last year at 23 weeks (TFMR, severe CPAM), and am currently 38 weeks pregnant, and 9 days away from an elective induction. I got pregnant exactly 6 months after our loss, making this pregnancy about one month ahead of the pregnancy last year, and can relate to the difficulty of hitting pregnancy milestones around the same time of year as loss anniversaries.

I am incredibly grateful to have even gotten to this point, but I have had to force myself to give myself "permission" to feel hopeful about this pregnancy. We waited until just a week or so ago to start getting things ready for this baby, and we are still incredibly anxious. I continued seeing the same high-risk OB from our last pregnancy and am so grateful that she offered an induction as an option - I'll be 39w1d, and it can't come soon enough.

It's been difficult to talk about with other people - they either don't know what happened and so expect me to be happy and carefree, or they *do* know what happened and either avoid acknowledging that I'm even pregnant or pretend like this is a "normal" pregnancy.

I agree with others who have posted here that it has been comforting to seek out stories from people that have had similar experiences. I found the book "Pregnancy After a Loss" by Carol Lanham to be helpful. I don't often post on message boards or facebook, but I've really appreciated the stories that people here have shared.

I am so sorry that you have had this experience, but I was so happy to see that you are pregnant again - I was briefly active in the TTC after a Loss board last year and was aware of what you have gone through. I know how hard it is to make sense of the roller coaster emotions of a subsequent pregnancy, but I hope you aren't too hard on yourself. Grief and gratitude can co-exist

@littlecasita1122: I had my daughter the day after my son's anniversary- one year and one day. It was very difficult. Good luck with the twins!