Dec 2 is the due date for our daughter we lost to T21 back in May. I'm really torn on what to do on that day. DH and I are both off from work, but I doubt (unless I say something) he will even realize the significance of the day.
Any ideas for staying busy? Should I expect to try to get out, or just be prepared to stay in PJs all day? I realize that whatever I decide is acceptable, but I'm hoping for some ideas on how to make the day more meaningful and to honor her in some way.
ETA: I was REALLY hoping we'd be pregnant again by now to soften the blow, but alas...
nectarine / 2433 posts
@yellowbeach: I'm so sorry. I have been there, though not quite as tough of a situation as yours (just an MC/ D&C at 12 weeks). I so hoped I would be pregnant by the due date but I was not really even close (had gone to an RE who gave me a dire outlook) and it was devastating. I would say no to the PJs bc even on a good day that can be depressing ! Stay busy and do something you love. I redid my room- painted an accent wall and got some cute things at Homegoods. It really eased the blow for some reason to be so busy. I hugged my son and cried a little (lot). (I also posted about it on FB and got a lot of support that way but that is certainly not for everyone).
nectarine / 2645 posts
@pachamama: Thank you - I love those ideas. I do love interior decorating, so a design project might be just what I need. Also, sorry for your loss.
cantaloupe / 6085 posts
I agree keeping busy! I like the idea above or planning a fun outing with your daughter. When I was not pregnant again after our d&c last year, I thought about it a lot leading up but found that anticipation worse than the actual day. It’s a tough road
grapefruit / 4144 posts
Once again, Yellowbeach, I am so sorry for your loss. Anniversaries like this are so difficult. One of my oldest and closest friends had a late loss at 27 weeks about 12 years ago. Every year on the anniversary of her DS's due date, she and her DH have taken to a "date day" to keep themselves busy (Museums, coffee house for lunch, wine and painting, dancing, etc) and less depressed. The rule was that they stayed away from the house. Since then, they have given birth to a beautiful LO (a daughter, Tess, now 3). They continue with the tradition and make it family friendly (children's museum, shopping, festival events, craft shows, etc.). One way in which they honor Grant's (their son) memory is that her DH purchased her a silver strand bracelet with a single bead the first year he was to be remembered. Each year following, they have added a sterling bead (gold at 5 and 10 years) to commemorate his presence in their lives and the affect he had on them. He will never be forgotten, but with time, it has gotten easier for them ... as I suspect it shall for you and DH.
pomegranate / 3904 posts
Every year on our late son’s birthday and anniversary of his death we make sure to spend the day with at least one fun activity. We’ve brought the kids to the zoo, done indoor skydiving (without the kids), went to lunch and shopping, etc.
you are right that whatever you choose to do is ok, but most girls I know that have lost babies few better about celebrating them than doing nothing.