I'm currently just throwing around options for when I go to give birth. Ideally, if I don't have to be at the hospital for long for labor (I'd love to go in and give birth the same day!). I'm wondering if it's worth DD1 coming to the hospital (once, twice?) or it's just easier to see her when I go home? I'm mostly concern that once she sees me she won't want to leave! She just turned 2 and is 1000% mommy's girl.
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I loved having my first daughter come up when I had my second. She was 3 at the time.
But when I just had my third, it was a lot of work to ask my mom to bring both kids up there (age 5 and 2) and the 2 year old didn't want to leave and didn't understand why I couldn't hold him and he couldn't climb all over me.
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@snowjewelz: We had our kids visit and I was worried about them not wanting them to leave too. DD1 is and was a complete mommy's girl too but she totally surprised us all & was happy to leave when it was time. They stayed with grandparents while we were at the hospital so that helped too. All that to say, maybe she would surprise you? My mom fully expected to carry her out of the room screaming but she waved goodbye and just walked out!
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My husband left me to go pick up our daughter and bring her in himself so it wasn't overwhelming with extra people around and we got to have some sweet time with just the new family of 4. She did awesome. When our friend came to pick her up she was happy to leave (though, they were heading to a birthday party so that probably took some of the sting out
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@T.H.O.U.: Yeah, I feel like at 2 years old she doesn't fully comprehend the experience anyway... It would be more for me, and possibly at her expense if she gets upset!
@creativemomma15: Haha, they are so strange!
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I spent 2 nights in the hospital (originally was only supposed to be 1) and B didn't come and see me. I thought it would be too hard for him - he's a total mama's boy and I thought it was better for him to only have to get used me not seeing me once. We talked about it a lot ahead of time, that Nana and Papa would stay with him and Daddy would come home to do dinner and bedtime, and he still went to daycare, and he did great. I missed him like crazy but I think it was the best thing for him.
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@erinbaderin: Yes, that would be our arrangement too; if it's during the week she'd still go to daycare, and DH will keep dinner/bed time so her life is as normal as possible.
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We didn't. I was in the hospital one night and he stayed with Grandma for 3 nights so we could get a little settled. When he came home baby brother had already gone to bed so we actually introduced them in the morning. I was happy with it. He was just over two so I thought seeing me in a hospital bed would be more traumatic than staying at Grandma's for a few days. He'd already spent several nights at her house before so it was nothing new.
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@snowjewelz: It seemed like it was much harder on me than on him - he cried at bedtime the second night but that was in. Granted, my parents sent him to daycare in pyjamas two days in a row, but no system is perfect.
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@snowjewelz: We had C come to the hospital, but she was also over 3 and very aware and wanted to see the baby. I'm glad she came. We kept her visit brief and she left with Daddy and Auntie both. Bedtime was the hardest for her.
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We definitely did, but I was also in the hospital for 5 days (csec). DS1 was 2.5 and had full awareness of what was going on.
This time we will try again, but I'm concerned about how DS2 will do. He will only be 22m.
At any rate, my mom brought him and he was only there for 30 minutes tops, just to see me and meet the baby.
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My DD was 3 and did visit and I'm glad she did. She would have been upset not getting to be a part of the experience and having to wait that long to meet her brother. She was more than happy to leave with her grandparents when it was time (she was the one who decided it was time to go). I think as long as they are with someone they are comfortable with...and have somewhere fun to go like out to lunch next...probably work out great
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We knew we were not going to have G go to hospital, a normal V birth you are in for 36hrs at our hospital.
We planned to just be in and out and have her meet AJ at home, I also knew she probably would be ok visiting but if she cried I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it...I cried driving to hospital/leaving her!
As you know AJ ended up in NICU so my/his stay was from Tues night-Saturday
DH did go home every night after his birth to do bedtime/sleep with her and send her to daycare and keep her schedule the same and then he would come spend day with me!We still decided she wouldn't visit as he was in NICU now and that isn't the best scenario!
The meeting at home was precious and perfect in my eyes! She was home with my MIL and DH and I came home with AJ she lit up, was able to see him, hold him and be in her environment! ((sounds like introducing 2 dogs....lol))
If you do chose to have K visit I read when kids 2 and under visit to have baby in bassinet or in another family members arms so if she just wants to see/hug you, you are 100% available!
just a thought!!
I still followed that coming home to G, I went straight to her telling her I missed her and hugged her before we pushed baby on her! -
We've waited until we were home for our other LO(s) to see the baby the last two times now and I don't regret it one bit! This last time was amazing - both kids were so aware that their new sibling was home and they ran up the stairs into our home and dashed around looking all over until they found her. I will never forget how they both climbed up onto the couch and held her for a LONG time - they just snuggled in like she'd been a part of our home forever. It was priceless that there was no hospital staff around, no weird equipment (to a kid's mind), and we were just in our own home. I would do it that way in the future, too.
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@coopsmama: Agree!!!!!!!!!!!!
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@FaithFertility: I was going to tag you since I remember G wasn't at the hospital! I think I am leaning towards this way... Thinking what if we don't time it right and DD2 is nursing, or I'm getting checked by a nurse, etc.. My other thing is that K is very concerned about me... We took her to one of my ultrasound appt and she was more worried about me the whole time vs being interested in seeing baby sis on the monitor, etc!
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We didn't think too hard about it either way. Our oldest has just turned 2 (3 weeks before), but was fully aware mommy was at the hospital having baby sister. My mom was staying with LO at our house, and my mom wanted to come visit, so she brought LO with.
Even though we didn't pre-plan it or do "gifts from the baby", or build it up in our minds--it was the sweetest, sweetest meeting. I had an unmedicated vaginal birth, so I was up walking around right after. We had LO come the next morning, so I was dressed, had taken a shower and dried my hair, had on some makeup--just my normal self. I've had a vaginal birth both times, so have never had "strange equipment" around. Just the hospital bed I guess, but I wasn't laying in bed with my gown on, if that is one of your worries. We have it all on video and love watching that video even now.
Anyway, my oldest came, fell in love with her baby sister and held her on a pillow for a long while, sang her songs, and then happily left and went out to lunch with my mom. We came home the next morning.
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@snowjewelz: when i had DS, DD who is 4 came to visit every day. Its great for the older sibling to get to see the baby. Maybe she can have some extra special treat waiting for at home as an incentive to go back?
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@coopsmama: That sounds really nice! I will probably tell my parents to be sensitive to my son's feelings. He usually knows what he wants, he'll be almost 3.5 by then. If he would rather see Mommy and baby at home, we won't pressure him. I could ask him before going too but I'm afraid he'd decide I shouldn't go at all
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I don't think we'll have DS come to the hospital, but I also don't think it will be an option. Mid February will be flu season yet and they usually close the hospital to visitors under 12. Hopefully it's like it was with DS where I can check out 24 hours later, so it will ideally be only one night without seeing him.
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@josina: Ohh really! And nice that you don't have to stay the full two nights! I have no idea what my "required" stay is... I know some insurance won't cover you if you don't stay the whole time or something. Also kinda don't mind having everything taken care of at the hospital haha.
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For my 2nd and my 3rd, the older sibs came to the hospital on the first day. I had C sections. I did think it was a bit overwhelming for my 2nd who was 22 mos when the 3rd was born, he's not even really a mommy's boy but he was kind of upset seeing me in the bed with an IV, and he couldn't really climb on me and I couldn't get out of bed. If I have a 4th I will just play it by ear, and bring in the kids if the timing is right but it sounds like not bringing in your son would work well for you.
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I had a scheduled C-section, so I knew exactly when I was going with our second. LO1 (who was 3 at the time) came to the hospital every day, and it was really sweet. I loved the family of 4 time that we had during that stay, and since I had to stay a while due to the type of birth, I was really happy to be able to see him.
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I did not have DS come to the hospital. I was pretty sure he was going to get really upset when he realized we weren't leaving with him.
We kind of botched our meeting at home though. My parents went to get him from daycare and we were upstairs taking a nap. We heard them come in the house and DS ran up to us as we were coming downstairs. And he got kind of jealous that DH was carrying the baby and wanted to be picked up too. So we're standing on the stairs trying to navigate a 4 day old and an upset toddler.
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I loved having my older one come visit me and the baby in the hospital. She was almost 2.5, very very much a mamas girl. I also had an unmedicated vaginal birth and was feeling fine within hours really, no IVs or anything scary for her.
DH went home and hung out with c for a little bit then brought her to the hospital a little before dinner time. We ordered dinner for all of us and she ate dinner there and held the baby and snuggled me. Then she and dh went home to bed and stayed with the baby in the hospital. It was lovely. It did suck a little that dh only stayed the first night with me and baby but we thought it was more important for the toddler to be comfortable and we don't have family she would be used to staying with in the area.
One thing that was less fun was dh bringing the toddler with him when it was time to leave. It was chaotic and rushed and stressful and I wish we had left her home with bil.
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@snowjewelz: I know our hospital only allows siblings under 12 in room and no over nights at all regardless of age
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Dd1 was (and still mostly is) a total mama's girl. My gut told me from the start to not bring her to the hospital because I expected her to have a horrid meltdown when leaving - she has trouble saying bye to me when we FaceTime! She did not visit and I have no regrets about that decision. She met dd2 at home and it was so very sweet.
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Our hospital wouldn't allow children visitors during flu season. As a result I was very homesick for my daughter and my husband went home to see her, leaving me lonely again. Given the option I would definitely have had her brought to the hospital for an hour each day.
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My two are 26 months apart I think. We didn't have LO1 come to the hospital. Things just happened faster than we anticipated. I left for the hospital right when she got home from daycare and got back the next day about 30 min after she was picked up from daycare. She and my mom put together a little welcome home party (which LO1 saw as a big sister party). It was great. However your two meet will be special.
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@Corduroy: wow, that was quick!
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DS was older (3.5) when DD was born, but it was super important to us to let him be the first one to meet her, so a few hours after my csection he was brought in to meet her. He's a total mama's boy, and I was worried about not being able to stand up and hug him, or of him seeing the IVs and such, but he didn't care a flying flip about me, lol. He was ALL about meeting Baby Sister. I might as well have not even been there, lol!
He did come in with all of his grandparents, and they all took him out for ice cream after to celebrate "becoming a big brother". He came to visit us everyday, and loved being able to help push her bassinet around the maternity ward.
It worked out well for us, so you should definitely do whatever you think will work best for you!
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I think if we have a third we may not.
It was kind of stressful, dd didn't want to leave. (But she was already a clingy kid and preschool was new to her.) And hospitals are yucky. Ugh I just do not like the postpartum hospital stay,all I remember was worrying about my dd!
ETA, as for the actual meet though, that was very sweet.
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I'm due any day now and thinking about not having DD visit. But, we really want DD1 to meet her little sister asap!
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We just went through this. DD was 20 months when DS was born, and she did not come to the hospital. We decided it would be too hard for her to leave, and I wasn't there all that long anyway.
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I really wanted DD1 to be the first to meet DD2, so my mom brought her over in the morning about 5 hours after DD2 was born. They are almost 3 years apart and DD1 was very excited! It was so sweet and I'm glad we did it because DD2 ended up in NICU for jaundice for 3 days so it would have been a while until they could meet.
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@Pumpkin Pie: I guess my final decision will rest on what ends up happening! I feel like I can go either way! I think whether the birth happens during the week vs weekend makes a diff for us....
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My DDs are 20 months apart. I had basically decided NOT to have our DD1 come to the hospital. She was a major mama's girl before I had DD2 (that changed while I was in the hospital!) and I feared she wouldn't understand why she had to leave me and I wasn't going with her. Based on the experiences' of others, I had a feeling she would likely be interested in DD2 for a few minutes, than be more into having my attention, pressing all the buttons on the bed, exploring the hospital room, etc.
When I realized I was going to have a csection, I was even more certain of my decision b/c I wanted to have that time to fully relax and recover. I also figured this would be one of the few times DD2 would get to have all my attention! In the end, DD2 had to spend a lot of time in the special care nursery, so the sister meet and greet wouldn't have been possible anyway....I had thought about having my husband bring her before we were discharged so we could all leave together, but I remembered having to wait around for doctors and nurses, etc. before we could go.
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@snowjewelz: that's what I'm thinking for us also. I got some good ideas from this thread though.
Starting this morning, I've been talking to DD1 about her baby sister coming out of the tummy soon and mommy and daddy will need to go the hospital. When the time comes we'll tell her "baby sister is coming out of the tummy, and we'll come home with her soon".
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@Pumpkin Pie: We read this book about a new baby and one page is daddy/mommy waving bye and DD1 standing with grandma... It's like the exact scenario haha. She was not very happy whenever we get to that page lol! Let me know what you end up doing and how it goes!! I guess there is no "wrong" way, even if LO1 gets upset since toddlers are just unpredictable afterall!
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