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@HappyBluebird: that's awesome you had a rainbow!
I had one comment from the girl that originally posted it (just a heart). Several likes from girls who also had losses (who I think know, but I'm not totally sure) and one share from a cousin. I can't remember if my mom told her or not.
I'm happy it posted though. And even though I couldn't light a candle, REALLY happy I was having margaritas at 7!
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@HappyBluebird: I would definitely take that as a good sign!
I'm burning my candles now. Better late than never...and I was able to go to an awesome yoga class tonight.
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You brave, brave women, my heart was with you today (and yesterday, in my time!) Hope you are all doing okay.
Lots of love
Two days til our transfer.... and we have a back up IVF plan in place now, so my future is a teeny bit brighter right now.
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@MaryM: Margaritas sound amazing! I went on a walk with a friend but still have 10 minutes to hang out in the candlelight...and watch the Giants beat the Cardinals.
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@jaguar: You, my friend, are very brave. So excited for you.
@FliegepilzHut: Oooooo yoga. I miss it. I loved hot yoga. Hope you are feeling at peace. -
@jaguar: Thanks for all the good thoughts and support! Wishing you the best of luck for this cycle and in all of your endeavors!
@simplyfelicity: I haven't done hot in a very long time...but this was a great class and exactly the right way to spend the evening. Have you considered starting up again? I hope you're well tonight, too!
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@simplyfelicity:
Lovely profile pic@HappyBluebird: I posted a picture about the remembrance day yesterday and another friend "shared" it. Turns out she had a m/c in April and we talked a little about it. I'm glad I put something out there without being super open about it. I think that rainbow is a great sign!!!
@MaryM: Love that quote! That's exactly how I feel about all of you
@jaguar: So many FX, prayers, and hugs for you this weekend!!!
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@MaryM: Yum margaritas!
@jaguar: So exciting, I'll be thinking of you!
@ValentineMommy: Its sad to find someone else in this crappy club but nice when you can support each other. Glad you posted something!
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@HappyBluebird: Agreed. There are so many women who keep it all inside, and we shouldn't be so silent about our suffering, especially if we find out that someone we care about is silently suffering too. We should be able to openly support one another.
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@jaguar: so so exciting! I have everything crossed for you!
I applaud all of you who put yourselves and your hearts out there to the world. I'm not that active on social media so I just didn't feel comfortable putting it out there to "friends" I haven't spoken to since Elementary school. I'm ashamed of this but I've accepted it. I'm open to friends and family and sooo many people know about it and that feels okay to me.
I'm sitting on the plane (in first class!! Bc we had extra credit from when we had to cancel our trip due to the miscarriage). I'm going to really disconnect for a few days in efforts to reconnect with DH and myself. See you all on Monday
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@Tidybee: Have a wonderful time!!!
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@Tidybee: Enjoy your vacation! Yay for first class! Its great to unplug sometimes!!
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@Tidybee: Have a great time!!!!!!
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This was on my FB feed this morning-- "5 Ways Pregnancy After a Miscarriage is Different." Thought I'd share, in case you hadn't seen it yet.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5974856?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037
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@FliegepilzHut: Good read, thanks for posting! I hope to find out soon what pregnancy after a mc is like already!
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@ValentineMommy: Yeah, I think we're all there!
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@FliegepilzHut:
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@Tidybee: I hope you have SO MUCH fun!
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@FliegepilzHut: @ValentineMommy: I don't know why but I found that an emotionally hard but good read. I know what it's like to be pregnant after a miscarriage but I don't know what it is like to be pregnant after a miscarriage after a miscarriage. Today is hard because I would have been 20 weeks on the dot. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself (perhaps not succeeding) but I am just sad.
@Tidybee: I hope your trip is amazing and super lucky!
I simply changed my profile pic on FB for the day and I only got a couple "likes" which means people feel awkward or they have no idea why I am posting a pic of a candle. I almost feel good to, in a small way, get my losses out there.
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@simplyfelicity: "I almost feel good to, in a small way, get my losses out there. "
Me too. I know some people probably didn't get it. But I'm pretty sure that a few of DH's friends' wives that "liked" it know. DH and his friends share WAY more with each other than I do with my friends (their gossip is insane!). So I imagine more people know than I realize. But I'm not really super close to them really.
But it's nice to know that they know...even if we don't openly talk about it.
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@simplyfelicity: Let yourself feel all the feels. Even if you are sad.
The more I've started to read about people moving beyond loss, the more I've seen people regret that they squashed their emotions. I'm starting to wonder if things wouldn't have gotten easier for me more quickly had I allowed myself to be more emotional upfront and stopped shoving it all down deep inside until I exploded a few times in major breakdowns.
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@MaryM: I agree. I have the hardest time processing long-term sadness because I grew up with a bipolar mother who had really long and drawn-out depressive episodes. My therapist is always telling me to feel my feelings and release them when they are ready to be just like the constant ebb and flow of the ocean. In theory, it's great because I am honoring my feelings but also opening myself up to the possibility of having joy as well. It's just something I struggle with. Geez...TMI?
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@simplyfelicity: Not at all TMI. I have a sister with personality disorder so I totally get it!
I was always incredibly quiet growing up because my sister threw such fits. I got used to not showing emotion because she over did it so much.
It's a hard habit to break!
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@simplyfelicity: I'm so sorry you are feeling sad today. I agree with @MaryM that you should feel whatever emotion you have that day. The sad days are tough but you are one strong, inspirational lady! I'll be thinking of you today.Hugs and
to you!
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@MaryM: @HappyBluebird: Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it.
It's difficult when I have been having good days and then with the Remembrance Day yesterday and what would have been a pregnancy milestone today, I just feel...sad. Plus, DH is at a Giants game tonight so I won't see him until really late. Maybe I will use the bathbombs I got in the gift exchange and eat ice cream tonight. What about you two?
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@FliegepilzHut: I would if I found a reasonable actual yoga studio. The gym I went to had them and they were lackluster and not truly yoga at all...I first started with yoga when I was in high school and have been doing it on and off since then. Maybe when/ if I get pregnant again I will look into it. Would be a good way to stay flexible.
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@simplyfelicity: Extra hugs today. I'm not sure the emotional rollercoaster ever fully goes away, but I hope it dulls over time, at least.
And not TMI at all. It's good to let it out - and hearing how (and why) others process things the way they do can be a learning experience for all of us. Hope that doesn't sound therapist-y. Lol Your plan for tonight sounds fantastic! Mmmm ice cream.....
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@simplyfelicity: That sounds like an awesome plan!
I've been having a bit of a rough few weeks work wise, but I think the dinner/drinks with my old friend last night helped kick that funk (along with the remembrance funk). Even though it was something small, I think deep down I'm proud of myself for posting to Facebook about it yesterday. I know that if a friend who I didn't know had had a MC posted something like that, I would have found comfort in it, so I'm hoping maybe someone did.
I came in to work this morning and told my boss I was too overwhelmed and needed to focus on one project today (which is due tomorrow) and could she handle any new calls that came in. Since then I've worked with my door shut and only let in the coworkers I like. Lol!
and I've been listening to a "mood booster" playlist on spotify and I think it's helping.
I'm just ready for this week to be over. So that work is over, and because next week is our fertile week and for the first time in a long time I have some hope since I'll go on progesterone.
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@ValentineMommy: "I'm not sure the emotional rollercoaster ever fully goes away, but I hope it dulls over time, at least."
I have found that dealing with this loss is similar to the loss of my father (5 years ago). I don't think the sadness and pain ever really go away, but you learn how to adjust to it as your new "normal" and find the joy in different things.
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@simplyfelicity:
that's understandable. I never like when DH is out late when I'm feeling sad. I hope your ice cream and bath make you feel a little bit better. Tonight I think I may try and finish up a sewing project for my SIL and her baby shower. I haven't had the motivation to get it done. We'll see how it goes. Other than that, I think I'll steal your idea for ice cream and probably snuggle with the pup
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@MaryM: Yay for hope! Fingers crossed for you next week!
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@MaryM: Exactly. Unfortunately, like all things, you've just got to find a way to "accept" that it happened and live your life around it. Sigh. I'm sorry you're having a tough time.....at least it's Thursday and your fertile time is next week!!!! Almost BD time
@HappyBluebird: Puppy snuggles are the best!
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@HappyBluebird: I think we are the same person.
What are you sewing? This weekend I turned some dresden plate quilt piece from my great aunt into hot pads/doilies for my family for Christmas. My mom gave me some curtains that her mom saved (I think they were my great grandmothers?) so I used them for the back
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@ValentineMommy: Yes they are, my puppy isn't so much a puppy anymore and she's a pretty big dog who thinks she's a lap dog. But I love our snuggles!
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@MaryM: More evidence?
Well I sewed two blankets (she's having twins). I used minky fabric for the back and a nice cotton on the front and binded them with satin blanket binding. It was my first time using the minky and the binding but I think they came out alright. I'm trying to finish up some stuffed animals to go with the blankets and I've run into some difficulties. I taught myself to sew, I've never taken a class so I learn a lot just by trying out a project and this one is a harder one.
That sounds like a great gift! I love reusing old things my grandmother gives me to make new things. Last year I handmade a lot of gifts for Christmas. This year I decided to take a step back. I'm only making a few for a few people this year.
Have any other projects in the works?
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@simplyfelicity: I'm sorry that it's been a rough couple of days. I hope we both know "pregnant after m/c after m/c" soon and I hope it's kind to both of us!
ETA: I hadn't done any yoga in a while...and I'm finding it wonderfully centering! Just another form of self-care, but I feel stronger and a little more resilient since starting. It would be nice if you could find a studio that meets your needs!
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They sound lovely!
I hate working with minky and satin. So stretchy and slippery!
Last year I made like 10 scarves (a lot of those easy to knit twirly ones) and gave them to most of DH's family. Now I don't know what to do this year. It was awesome because I got the yarn on sale for like $3.
I've made a few this year for nieces and my cousins' daughters. I'm trying REALLY hard to use up all the supplies I already have instead of buying more. I'm way behind on Christmas gifts though. I usually have it all figured out and most of them bought by the end of October. I have a fear of shopping in November and December...especially in malls!
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@MaryM: Shopping in November and December is the worst. I will never do it unless its absolutely necessary. I HATE crowds!!
Two years ago I made scarves like that for my sisters. Last year I made them quilts for their rooms (They are 12 and 10), that was a very long project and I shed a few tears along the way lol. I crocheted my brother a Sonic stuffed animal and made my other brother a video game related pillow. I started in like September and I was working on them right up until Christmas. So crazy!
I desperately want to use up my yarn stash but I always end up buying more! I started making some crochet sweaters for our dog but she only needs so many. Guess I'll need to find a new stash buster project or find some new dogs to make sweaters for
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@HappyBluebird: In a moment of insanity, I decided to make our flower girls quilts as presents for being in our wedding. In addition to making quilt squares (enough for a queen size quilt) to serve as our "guest book"...and about 10 rag bags for gift bags.
I knew I was REALLY insane when we moved our wedding back four months and had to finish most of them much sooner. That was a crazy year!
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@MaryM: go you!! How did your quilt guest book turn out? They seem like a cute idea!
I simply changed my profile pic on FB for the day and I only got a couple "likes" which means people feel awkward or they have no idea why I am posting a pic of a candle. I almost feel good to, in a small way, get my losses out there.
that's understandable. I never like when DH is out late when I'm feeling sad. I hope your ice cream and bath make you feel a little bit better. 
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