I just have to vent!
We just got a call (at 11:10am) that lo1 has a fever and needs to be picked up from daycare; usually my schedule is flexible and I do it, but today I have a meeting at 12. I call dh, and he goes, "oh no I can't, I have a haircut at 12!" UMMMM WTF DUDE, MY WORK MEETING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR HAIR. He continues, "but I already paid..." Wtf. Seriously, wtf. He IS picking lo1 up, after all, but gaaaaaaaah. Some things should just be obvious.
watermelon / 14467 posts
Ughhhhhh I hate that. Yesterday, I asked DH to take LO2 to the doctor (she had blood in her ear) and he was grumbling about only getting 4.5 hours of work. I was like, "Dude, I have meetings all day long and an event, suck it up, I'm sorry."
pear / 1521 posts
That's really annoying! I am also the default parent for sick pick-ups, and just pick-up and drop-off in general. My daughter commuted with me for 2 years and went to DC by my work so obviously that was unavoidable then. But now she goes 5 minutes from our house and I am a little resentful that I am still the default parent to drop off and pick up every day. My DH will do it any time I ask, but a) I have to ask, b) if he does drop-off he ends up being late for work and I am not cool with that either. I try to remind myself that there are other tasks he is in charge of that evens this out but something about it just rubs me the wrong way.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Why does he pay for a haircut in advance?
Since the flu's going around, school sent out a notice that if the nurse calls you to pick up your child, you need to get the immediately.
Btw I'm totally siding with you here!
pomegranate / 3350 posts
Nope sorry, a hair cut can wait! I had to go to the doctor at one point and asked DH to come home early so I could go to the appointment and he asked why I couldn't take the kids with me... 3 & 4 year olds and a baby. Seriously dude?
clementine / 830 posts
ha, i gotta say, i LOL'ed at this one, although i COMPLETELY sympathize with you. WTF indeed. hopefully he realized how ridiculous that sounded shortly after he said it. hmm, get a haircut or pick up sick child? tough priority call.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
I would have legit laughed at him and said “let me know when you have her, bye”
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
Thanks for the sympathy everybody! My mom was able to come over so after picking her up, dh could go back to work and I can stay at work too.
@avivoca: ughhh! I hate how it's totally normal for me to take off, but dh is a martyr when it's his turn
@petitenoisette: I also hate having to ask, and feel grateful, for when he does drop off/pick up by himself!
@snowjewelz: I think he had booked it online so they asked for a credit card, and if you don't cancel more than 24 hrs in advance they say they'll charge you. Whatever, he was able to reschedule.
@skipra: gaah! I've taken my kids to the dr before, but only ob appointments when the actual face time with the dr is like 5 mins, plus she delivered the kids and likes to see them 
but so annoying!
@nwm: oh I called him out immediately and he agreed to reschedule! his immediate reaction was so ridic!
@Truth Bombs: that's basically how it went down! with a few f-bombs thrown in, haha
pomegranate / 3127 posts
Yeah same deal in my family. If someone is sick it's me that puts work on hold, even because DH has "dumb and pointless" meetings (his description, not mine!) Not very logical, but he thinks that since I'm able to telecommute it's not as bad for me. Oh well. I'd rather be with the kids than not, it's only annoying because of work.
pomelo / 5084 posts
Hahaha this is our constant fight. All the time. Who is “more” available to go pick up a sick kid? I feel you!!
pomelo / 5220 posts
@nana87: THIS quote is my lifeeeeee -- "I hate how it's totally normal for me to take off, but dh is a martyr when it's his turn!!!" I feel ya girl. It's such a constant battle.
honeydew / 7622 posts
Not his fault but he’s been gone all week and DD was too sick for school and I had a big photo shoot. So I had to scramble to find sick help so I did not have to reschedule. Solo parenting is rough. I’m fourtunate to have a wonderful co parent but he will never understand what it takes to do everything while he is gone. Now to clean before he gets home because his mood is always better when he comes home to a clean house.
kiwi / 656 posts
This is totally why I ended up switching to a part time gig- but I know that’s so not possible for everyone. My husband has almost always made 40-60% more than me, so I was ok being the default parent most of the time, but I totally get how even when I come disparity is at play it’s unfair when you both work full time! My gf at work had a good solution to this- every month she and her husband would sit down and look 6-8 weeks out and each would have a week where they were on call- if something happened, the on call parent was the one to drop/ reschedule whatever to get the kid. They based it on work obligations and whose work was more “hot” or “red” as it were that week. That helped her from Always being the default parent. That said, she also ended up deciding to go part time this year knowing it would make her the default parent, but it worked for them while she was working full time.
honeydew / 7463 posts
@MrsBucky: that’s a really good idea. I SAH so this thread doesn’t really apply to me, but I’ve been enjoying reading along, haha (except for weekends I guess, I am the default parent even though I wish it was more equal when we’re both home). But when I go back to work a year or so after this baby is born I could see that being a really useful solution. Even if it was every Sunday, looking at both of our work schedules for the week and deciding who is on call. Of course things come up at work too and we might have to adjust, but generally deciding in advance vs as the hits come in.
kiwi / 656 posts
@SweetiePie: I think they tried to do it for multiple weeks in a row to help even it out a bit, if that makes sense. Sort of so it was more clear if someone was “on call” way more often than the other. But yea, I loved the creative problem solving approach to such a common problem for double working couples!
persimmon / 1111 posts
I totally understand your frustration. My DH leaves for work before we get up and is unreachable by most at work. I work from home 3 days a week and a 10 minute uber ride away the other two days. I always get sick kid duty on my work from home days, but it can be like pulling teeth on my in the office days. We do a lot of splitting shifts on sick days
kiwi / 745 posts
@MrsBucky: that’s basically what we do esp if she starts feeling crummy at night/on the weekends or we send her to daycare thinking she might get sent home. Usually we go week by week though, looking at it month by month is a nice idea but my job doesn’t schedule a month out even.
pomegranate / 3272 posts
Yup, super annoying. I don't have the option of him going to pick up a sick kid since he's a train ride away and I'm only 15-20 min away by car. It's tough as I have to do drop offs and pick ups. Usually he'll stay home with them the next day if they're sick and my parents are usually helpful too in a pinch. I wish I could go part time but I'm the breadwinner so that doesn't work.
persimmon / 1310 posts
My husband does a slightly different, but equally confusing thing. He volunteers to do these things, but I can never enjoy it. Before he’s even completed the task, he has to tell me how inconvenienced he is. Complain about his wasted time, he’s so busy... So yeah, I’ve got a martyr too. Then he acts like he doesn’t understand why I won’t always accept his offers of help. Um, because it seems like you resent doing it?! Wtf
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