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So for me, I just know I’m not cut out to stay home. I wouldn’t enjoy it. I would love part time but I haven’t been able to make that work in my career. For you, do you really want to stay home and not work or are you just worried about sending a little baby to daycare? Staying home full time is a huge life change. If it’s really mostly the daycare, then 1) pushing to start part time makes sense or just taking more leave even if unpaid so baby isn’t so tiny; 2) can you get a nanny? We had a nanny from 3 months and it was perfect. Way less anxiety because I knew more about what was really happening each day and just trusted her so much. And now we still have her in our lives almost 5 years later!

I’d give it a little time too. Your baby is so tiny; of course you are anxious! And congrats on the new one!

I went back to work after having my two. One thing to keep in mind is that if you decide to go back you're not committing to working forever. You can change between working and not working many times as your kids grow.

I decided to keep working as long as it made sense for us. So far it's been manageable. My kids are now 9 and 7 and I don't regret the years I spent working.

Think carefully about converting your full time role into part time. I've seen it work some places but I've also seen a lot of women take on a full workload for less pay and still have to deal with all the daycare colds.

I stopped teaching full-time when my oldest daughter was 1.5, just before I got pregnant with our second. I'd known for a while that I wanted get into curriculum design instead, so this felt like a natural transition point. My husband was traveling a lot for work at the time, and the logistics of both of us working full time were complicated. I needed more flexibility to take my daughter to speech and OT appointments through the week than teaching allowed. Being home simplified SO much for our family.

I did freelance curriculum work for the first couple years I was home, mainly in early mornings and during naptime. Working in the margins of the day was exhausting (wouldn't recommend it!) but it helped make it financially feasible for me to be home at that point. Now my kids are 5 and 7 and both in school full time. I'm working part time from home and I feel like I'm finally striking the balance I'd hoped for. I definitely lucked out with a part-time position that isn't just spilling over into more work for less pay though. I know lots of women who have found themselves in that situation going part-time.

Having me home was 100% worth it for our family through those early years, but I didn't love it in the baby/toddler stage. My kids weren't go-with-the-flow kind of kids who played nicely during moms groups or tagged along for outings without melting down. I had a lot of hope for things getting easier when they got to be 3-5ish, but covid hit, and that upended things. Most of my friends who stayed home with kids knew it was what they wanted and had planned on it. I went into it more reluctantly, but am still confident it was the right choice for us.

Look into getting a nanny.

i love my job and knew that i wasn't really cut out to stay home just by how overwhelming i found 24/7 childcare responsibilities, but would echo @JJ2626: that given your financial flexibility you might consider a nanny. i had thought i would prefer daycare but once we found a nanny we trusted i think it really eased the transition to be leaving the kids at home rather than taking them and dropping them somewhere. especially if you find someone who really dotes on your kids as our nanny does. she's been with us close to 7 years now and we would be lost without her. also, if you are able to be remote, it means that you can have a lot of the benefits of working from home (seeing your kids randomly throughout the day, taking little breaks to feed or play with them) without the drawbacks (not being able to get any work done at all).

@karenbme: hey this is such a tough decision to make and you have already gotten a lot of great advice. I just wanted to chime in to add that it is possible to go back to work and send your baby to daycare at 3 months because that is what ended up working for us.

My first didn’t start daycare until 5 months because they didn’t have a spot before then, but with my second we sent him right at 12 weeks when I went back to work. At that point we had already been at our center for over three years with our older child and liked and trusted the staff and directors. I think for me my comfort level was really influenced by the care the teachers showed for my baby and the relationships we built. The baby room was very chill and loving and only had 8 babies for two staff max, and they were always being loved on and played with and taken care of. So having peace of mind about my kids getting what they needed was hugely helpful in being a working parent.

the decision on my side also had a lot of factors—with my first I absolutely definitely had to go back for financial reasons so it wasn’t even a consideration. For my second, I had some more flexibility but ultimately we determined it would make sense financially for us if I worked. But I was working a job that was a good fit for me, with coworkers I really liked, and decent flexibility to allow for work life balance. I also really like talking to adults about more complex concepts so staying home felt like it would be hard.

The last thing to think about is that it might help to make a decision for a shorter time period—this is the plan for the next 6 months/12 months/whatever. If working sounds best for now, try it out for a while and if something changes with your work or your kids or your daycare situation, then you can reevaluate.

Good luck!

My old law firm had a roundtable discussion right after I had newly returned to work with my second and one thing that struck me was some of the female senior partners telling us how lost some of the other moms who stopped working felt when their kids went to college (though I get everyone’s situation is unique). After having my third kid, I reduced my work hours to an 80% schedule (in the law firm world, it means my billable hours target is reduced) and this seems to be working for me. I like that I am keeping my career active even if I’m not able to throw my all into my career at the moment.

ETA: I’ve actually found that bigger kids have been more of a wrench into my working mom life than littles. My 5th grader really needs a lot of help studying for tests, etc. I think you just need to roll with whatever life throws at you and hopefully find a job with flexibility.

Congratulations! There is no one size fits all and I think the workforce is changing. I think gaps are going to become more common place, keeping up your skills would be a key depending on your profession.

Lots of good opinions, I had my third in 2020 and had planned on trying a true stay at home experience during that leave but unfortunately COVID had other plans. Similar to you, I don’t need to work financially but question mentally if I need it. I have continued my 80% schedule which is nice but honestly I work 100% so I am starting to face that. Just be aware that part time is challenging and managing expectations. Summers can be hard as you have school aged children too.

And to echo @shantuck, a former coworker had told me it gets harder when kids get older. I am choosing to continue to work as long as it makes sense but as my oldest is now 7, the commitments are even crazier. Daycare/nanny make life easier with babies and young kids in my experience. Good luck!

Here’s one thing to consider — your line about the team being stretched thin even if you were to return half time at first.

Consider that they’re currently down a WHOLE person. And you coming back half time for spring and summer would be them gaining your expertise and commitment back for 50% more than they have of you on your leave which is 0%. So I would reframe that as a big plus for them (if the other option would potentially be you not returning at all). As you prepare to pitch that half time ease-in to your boss I think that frame of mind could be helpful to consider! Moms are some of the most efficient, creative, and amazing employees in any work situation. We get stuff done. I’m sure your half-time presence would be more beneficial to them than someone brand new.