I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my twin boys and I find myself getting more and more terrified about the prospect of being a mom the closer I get to them being here! Sure, I'm excited, but I keep trying to keep myself from being unrealistic and thinking it's all puppies and kittens with two cute little newborns and I try to remind myself that things are going to suck for a while before they get better... being realistic is really getting me down! I have a running list of things that just devastate me when I think about them:

- Ruining the relationship I have with DH. DH assures me that he knows that it's going to be super hard but that he'll never run/leave and will always be there to help me. I'm afraid that the love I feel for him is going to fade when I'm a sleep-deprived milk machine for two little boys.

- Screwing up our kids. I didn't have the greatest upbringing, but I'm so lucky to have a super supportive dad and stepmom with me every step of the way. But I worry about being like my mom and see how she really damaged us as kids and all the therapy I've needed... and I just don't want to be that way. DH says I could never be like her and if I ever showed signs of being that way, he'd tell me.

- Never sleeping again. This seems self-explanatory.

- Not being able to keep up with the demands of two newborns, particularly breastfeeding.

- Having PPD. I'm susceptible to it as I have struggled with depression in the past and battle anxiety issues every day.

- Dropping my babies. Is this a fear everyone has in the beginning?

I feel so overwhelmed and they aren't even here yet. My anxiety is on the rise and I can't take the medication that normally helps because of the pregnancy. While everyone around us is being so supportive, I can't help but feel alone in this sometimes. Logically I know that people wouldn't keep having kids if it was really awful, but emotionally it's just not computing for me!

Any words of wisdom/advice/encouragement would be appreciated, as I am on the verge of tears right now.

*deep breath*