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Daycare "theme" - am I overreacting?

  1. psw27

    pomelo / 5220 posts

    Ugh yeah this is ridiculous. So mommy gets to rearrange her whole schedule and if she can't her kid can have a meltdown since he/she is the only one without mommy there? Geez, what a special freakin' treat for mother's day....

    Our daycare does a Mother's Day breakfast, it is low pressure and not all the parents participate. Easy, breezy.

  2. PinkElephant

    grapefruit / 4584 posts

    While the wording isn't particularly sensitive, and I get why you're put off by the idea, I'd interpret those instructions slightly differently...my assumption was that "Mommy (only)" means that they're asking that mothers not bring siblings, or that moms & dads both don't come to the activities. I think those are understandable (though maybe not the most well thought out on the part of the daycare) requests due to space issues for the activities.

    For drop-off/pick up, that's just silly though. Like you're going to hire a sitter for one kid so that you can drop off the other one solo?

    As for the multi-day activities...again, this is just my perspective since our school does it differently, but are you sure they aren't offering the option to attend one or the other days (or both if you want to)? It seems like this is actually smart, because it means the kids won't really notice whose mom is there and who isn't, since attendance is spread out over a few days/times. Our school has four (yes, four) different Mother's day events spread over two days, mornings, and afternoons. Each mom is encouraged to attend the one that suits them best. I agree with you that afternoons are pretty crappy, but I imagine that some people have an easier time cutting out of work early rather than coming in late.

    I'd also imagine that in families where a mom isn't in the picture, the school would welcome a close female friend, babysitter, or relative to come in her place - I know that's how our preschool (which is essentially a daycare) handles it in the case of same sex families....and of course, if there are two moms, both attend activities (or sometimes one goes one day, one goes another).

    Just trying to cheer you up with an alternative perspective/interpretation of what's happening, but maybe I'm being too generous and giving the daycare too much credit.

  3. Truth Bombs

    grapefruit / 4321 posts

    @PinkElephant: I agree with all you've said.

  4. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    Our daycare has stuff like this and I totally just ignore it. Neither my husband nor I have ever attended a mother's activity or father's activity. It's just not how we want to spend our precious little time off work.

    I just brush it off. I think they pick random times hoping to accomodate the most people. Our daycare used to do 4:30 pm parent parties and I pick up at 3:15. Once the teacher asked if they should move it up so we could attend and I told her truthfully that we have a long commute so I probably wouldn't stay anyway, haha.

  5. Eko

    nectarine / 2148 posts

    I agree with @PinkElephant

    based on what you wrote I would ask for more clarification before getting heated about it.

  6. MoonMoon

    pomegranate / 3392 posts

    That's weirdly shortsighted of them! Do they think all mommies are available for drop off, pick up, AND afternoon?

    ETA: what about kids who have no moms, or don't live with their moms? Didn't after school specials in the 80s teach us anything?

  7. daniellemybelle

    cantaloupe / 6669 posts

    It seems like a bit much but I agree with @PinkElephant that I would think that they are offering all of these as options for you to choose from, trying to be flexible. If I were in your shoes, I would text/call the teacher and clarify that was their intention. If she were like, "Oh, no, you should come to everything," then that is worth talking to the director.

  8. Rocker2014

    persimmon / 1367 posts

    One of the main reasons I picked my daycare is because they don't do stuff like this! I asked specifically about it when we were interviewing providers.

  9. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    Idk i would be disappointed if I couldn't make some of the activities, but I wouldn't be upset they planned them. It's not like your kid can't come to daycare if you can't drop them off that day. I think it's a little over the top and a muffins with mom event would suffice. Alternatively, maybe they thought planning more activities would give everyone a chance to participate in at least one of them?

    As for the argument about not having a mom. I mean, I don't think we should stop celebrating Mother's Day if someone has two dads or no mom in the picture.

  10. SugarplumsMom

    bananas / 9227 posts

    This is absolutely ridiculous and totally unfair. It's like they let one of their kids come up with an idea on a whim and didn't actually think things through. I'm annoyed for you!

  11. Pumpkin Pie

    persimmon / 1431 posts

    I personally think a specific parent themed thing is a little inappropriate because you never know someone else's situation.

  12. PurplePeony

    pomegranate / 3113 posts

    I'd be annoyed. My DH usually does drop-off and it really throws DD off on the days I do it instead. So I'd give a big old hell no to that even if I could technically make it happen. I'm interested to hear the director's response.

  13. mediagirl

    hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

    @yellowbird: YES!! Why can't you do a lunchtime thing??! My daycare is having something next Friday at 3:30. Sorry, I'm can't leave at 3:20, come play, then go back to work for an hour so I can show my face until closing time. I do not have flex hours like that. I can take lunchtime though!

  14. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    I would think it's stupid, and I get being worried about your kid being excluded, but I wouldn't personally be mad about it. I'd just go ahead and find out from the teachers/director what is expected, what other parents have done. You can't be the only one in this situation, so I wouldn't get all worried about it being just you that's excluded, at least not yet.

  15. ALV91711

    pomelo / 5621 posts

    Mommy pick up/drop off, that is crazy.

    I hope that they have a couple activities in hopes that you can make it to one.

    I love what our daycare does. The Friday before Mother's Day (& Father's Day), they put out coffee, tea and a few snacks in the open area between the rooms. It is there for any parent to enjoy when they drop off.

  16. Truth Bombs

    grapefruit / 4321 posts

    @mediagirl: for me lunch time is impossible. I eat at my desk because I'm just too busy to get away, and even if I could day care is by our house so too far away. However, because I work in finance and the market closes at 3pm CST, getting to a 3:30 party is totally doable for me. This is why I think the OP's daycare might just be trying to give options since different families have different flexibility.

    ETA: the other reason I could never do a lunch is because of I came to school, and then left without her, my kid would flip.

  17. Sapphiresun

    nectarine / 2220 posts

    @PinkElephant: I read this as multiple options to attend as well.

    That said, parent participation events at daycare in general annoy me. My kid's daycare does a field trip once a month that parents are encouraged to attend. Seriously, I get 15 vacation days a year, I'm not going to waste 12 of them on days where I have childcare available.

  18. ScarletBegonia

    persimmon / 1339 posts

    I mean, I guess it could be construed as exclusionary, but at the same time if I had flex time, I'd love to be there for it......I guess if they never do anything like that, no one would ever be excluded...but I think its nice they are trying to include the parents in various activities, and if some of them can make it, great. The thing is if you and other parents complain hard about this type of thing, they probably won't do it anymore, and then the parents that would have been able to go won't have the option. Its kind of a sucky situation either way

  19. Mrs. Carrot

    blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts

    @PinkElephant @scarletbegonia I completely agree that they're offering options, and my issue isn't that, it's the focus on one specific parent. A couple weeks ago was the week of the child or something like that, and they did something similar with activities, but a "parent" was asked to attend. Here the focus is on the specific parent, which is what I'm bothered by.

  20. runnerd

    pear / 1593 posts

    @Mrs. Carrot: I get what your saying - but it is Mother's Day so it makes since they would specify mothers.

  21. Mrs. Carrot

    blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts

    @runnerd: And I get that, but my point is that there are better ways to acknowledge the holiday, ones that don't include one individual parent having to jump through hoops to rearrange their schedules and potentially leaving kids disappointed when they can't (which will be my situation since I have to be out of town all week)

  22. Smurfette

    GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts

    @Truth Bombs: I am with you. I work 30 mins away so lunch isn't ideal at all. Leaving work early is much much easier verses getting permission to work from home in the afternoon. Or taking a 2 hour lunch.

  23. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    @Mrs. Carrot: maybe you should suggest the "better ways" you have in mind for next year? It sucks to disappoint our kids, but it's part of life and no one is going to be permanently damaged over it. I really think they're trying to give options so that everyone can participate in some way during the week. you're never going to be able to accommodate everyone and make everyone happy, but I think they're intentions are good and I the right place. What did the director say?

  24. PawPrints

    pomegranate / 3658 posts

    I am preemptively irritated in a general sense about all this kind of crap that I hear about popping up not just in daycare settings but in schools as well. Why are parents expected to be available for anything during the day? Just not how life works.

  25. Adira

    wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

    @Mrs. Carrot: Is there someone else who might be able to attend in your place to one of the events? Our daycare is doing a Mother's Day Tea Party next Friday to celebrate Mother's Day, but it's open to moms, step-moms, grandmothers, etc. I've seen grandmothers go when the mom couldn't (or in addition to).

  26. Mrs. Carrot

    blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts

    @Adira: Unfortunately only her dad can. Both grandmothers are 4 hours away. I'm sure it won't be a big deal in the end, but I'm already having epic mom guilt because of a busy work stretch and this just really didn't help.

  27. Adira

    wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

    @Mrs. Carrot: I don't know how old your LO is, but do they have any good friends at daycare who's mom might "adopt" them for the day? Xander (3) is really close to his friends' parents (who he generally just sees at pick-up/drop-off) and he'll hang out with one of them if they go to an event that I can't go to. He just sticks with his friends and doesn't seemed phased if I miss out on events.

  28. Mrs. Carrot

    blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts

    @Adira: She's almost 3 as well and unfortunately she's in a stretch right now where she's the oldest kid in her 2s group (she has a month until she's 3) so all of her friends have moved up and we haven't really connected with any of the new parents whose kids are coming into the 2s classroom. I really think it'll probably be fine, she may not even notice, I just really didn't like this approach the daycare took.

  29. MamaG

    pomelo / 5298 posts

    We just got our reminder from our daycare. While this still probably wouldn't have helped for you since you are travelling. You might want to use this as a pitch for your daycare. I feel like they try to be inclusive in honoring female caregivers on this day. They do the same for Dads (donuts) in June.

    Friday, May 6th we will be celebrating our wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and aunts with Muffins for Moms from 7-8:30 AM! Come and have a muffin with your child before you start your day! If your day begins before 7, we will have a to go breakfast ready for you!

  30. megjay18

    cherry / 189 posts

    i'd be pretty pissed. it's not like you're just choosing not to do pickup/drop off while doing nothing - you're working, which is the whole point of taking your kids to daycare in the first place. maybe have a muffins with mom or something small after school one day instead of doing the pick up or drop off times.

  31. nana87

    cantaloupe / 6171 posts

    That is such heteronormative bs! I would be pissed on so many different levels

  32. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    @Mrs. Carrot: i haven't read all the posts but whilst i understand your frustration i think it is a bit of an overreaction. Can you have someone else like DH or go in your place? I'm sure your LO will be glad to just have someone there

  33. Mrs D

    grapefruit / 4545 posts

    @Mrs. Carrot: I can completely understand being bummed you cannot attend and at first glance being frustrated by the language/approach of the communication.

    However, is it so bad the the center is planning something special for Moms and then Dads down the road? If they have the means and desire to do something for Moms should they not just because of those who cannot participate? I think a discussion with the director to make sure the activities are either all inclusive (all kids get to attend whether Mom exists/can come) OR as someone mention happen in such a way that the other children dont know they are missing out. Also - in situations where a Mom is not in the picture (same sex partners, loss of a parent, traveling parent) other options are available and accepted. i.e. Grandma, "Aunt", BFF...or even teachers participating with those kids.

    I agree with others that while it may say "Mommys only drop off" of course the daycare must understand that Dad may have to drop off. I read it as "we prefer moms to drop off if possible"...same with pick up.

    I guess I just dont agree they should not do something bc it may affect some children...rather find a way to make the nice gesture a positive experience for all children.

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