Hellobee Boards

Sounds like you need more time. There is no magic window that will make siblings closer or not closer to each other, so don't feel rushed on a decision like this.

I'm absolutely worried that we are messing up a good thing that we have going with the 3 of us. Money is never in excess, and will adding another kid stress us further? But I do feel like we have a missing piece and am getting excited to meet this little guy!

@Lozza: that is just so awesome to hear, definitely one of my biggest fears for #2, I want to enjoy him but dread the early stuff! I didn't fall for C until around 7 weeks when he smiled, and felt like a zombie for much of the first year. I REALLY started enjoying him when he was close to turning one.

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate everyones' thoughts and feelings towards having #2...I read through the whole thread and it gave me a lot to think about. In theory, I know I want more than 1 child but like many others, it scares the bejesus out of me. It feels good to know I'm not alone

@skibobrown: Thanks for posting this Now I wish someone would post: PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO FEARS ABOUT HAVING ANOTHER BABY...WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING AND CAN I HAVE WHAT YOU'RE HAVING? lol
@sarac: @yoursilverlining: @Weagle: @DillonLion: Thank you for sharing positive thoughts on small families. I have two siblings and grew up with 60+ first cousins who mostly lived within a hour and 1/2. But I now live 3 states away from my nearest sibling and cousin and see no future where I will get to visit more than once a year. I never wanted a large family but I am surprised and nervous to be having an 'only'.
@sweet_p: @BananaPancakes: @grizz: Thanks for saying what I didn't in my first reply. My husband and I are more like battle buddies in the trenches than lovers. Everything is ok but we can't do two more years of this, right now. I can't help but wonder how different my perception would be if LO had been a sleeper. The no sleep is slowly deflating my life.

Sorry it's taken me awhile to get back to this.

As I mentioned above, we both went from always wanting two to being pretty firmly (at least check DH said he was 99% sure and I said I was 95% sure) one and done.

Basically, we found parenting to be much more overwhelming than we ever anticipated. We are intelligent people, we both have multiple degrees and good jobs. We are well-travelled and well-read. All that to say that we didn't go into this being super naive about what parenthood would demand of us, but we still couldn't fathom exactly how HARD it would be. I'm pretty sure I suffered from mild PPD up until the three or four month mark, and during that time I repeatedly said to myself, 'I can never do this again.'

I know that the baby phase is short-lived, but I'm truly not sure I could do it again without having some sort of breakdown. And DD is an "easy" baby! We are not naive enough to believe that we would get another easy baby with #2, and we're pretty sure we couldn't handle a higher-needs baby. I have always required a lot of sleep and the sleep deprivation was seriously like torture to me....and DD is a good sleeper, as far as babies go!

The other part of it is that we're a little selfish in terms of our goals for our own life. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I don't want to have another child because I feel guilty about not providing a sibling...I don't think fear is a good reason to make such a huge decision. We want to travel. We want to retire at a reasonable age. We want to give DD every possible opportunity and not have to compromise on that.

As for the only child stigma, I was an only child for all intents and purposes (I have a half-brother at my dad's house, but he's seven years younger than me and I lived the majority of the time at my mum's house) and I loved it. I never longed for a sibling. I loved my childhood. Being a family of three made for a wonderful closeness and really tight bonds with my parents. I am happy for DH, DD and me to form a similar little clan of three.

That's just my experience and yours might be different. But it's okay to be scared and to spend time exploring those feelings. I read the book One and Only in the summer and I really recommend it - it does a good job of dispelling most of the common myths surrounding only children. Reading it might help your clarify whether or not you want more children. I think it's also important to remember that you don't need to decide anything right this second

Sorry for the novel...it's something I've thought about a LOT over these past eight months.