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Great idea.

I named DS after my dad who passed away from melanoma when I was 19. He was 52. Wow, almost ten years ago. I know he wanted grandchildren, and he would have been such an amazing Gramps. It hurts so much to even think about. ugh.

Good thread idea although I'm sad so many of us have lost a parent.

If you saw my earlier thread today - I'm not dealing so well with it today. I plan on showing LO pictures of my dad and talking about my dad and letting LO know that my dad loves her.

Wonderful idea for a thread. I find myself bringing it up far too often on other threads because it still hurts so much.

January 27, 2013 we found out my dad had metastatic cancer. We were never given a prognosis or anything, and three weeks later, on February 20, he died. I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter. Her middle name is Dawn after him. I still can't believe he went so very fast.

There's so much I want to write about the situation, but don't want to push the boundaries of this thread.

@NurseMommy: I don't know that there are any boundaries. I'm sure it was rough to loose him so quickly but hopefully that means he didn't suffer overly much either.

@NurseMommy: I feel like I bring it up all over the boards too. But please, this thread is *just* for this. Don't be afraid to push boundaries. You never know when your experience will resonate and help another. That's what I find anyway.

And I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. It's weird but it's always nice to know who else has been through this. Hope that doesn't sound too weird. It's nice just knowing that other people get it.

@owlteach: Hmm, yeah I had worries about it being sad/hard. But now that DS is here it's really not. And it's so special for my dad's mom and all of our family to have another David around ya know? But yeah, hasn't been as painful as i thought it could potentially be...

@knittylady: That was my dad's name too

I've been wanting to start a support thread, but I kept chickening out. Thanks for starting this.

I lost my mom 2 months ago to lung cancer. She was 61. She hadn't smoked in almost 30 years. She was diagnosed, and 11 weeks later she passed away. I am honestly having an incredibly difficult time dealing with it. My mom and I were really close. I talked to her every day, and she lived nearby with my dad. She was so excited to meet my son and to be a grandmother. When he was 1 month old she was diagnosed. It was a very hard and fast fall.

I've posted about it a lot here before, so I won't rehash the details, but she passed away suddenly. We knew she would die of cancer but everyone kept telling us we had time. All her doctors said she could fight this. But the cancer was more aggressive than we thought.

So, I feel like there are a lot of things I wanted to to talk to her about, but I never got the chance. Did she know how much I loved her? What breaks my heart and continues to break my heart is the fact that she was so excited for C. She got to meet him, but it was like a tease. She never got to be a grandmother in the way we wanted. She didn't even have the strength to hold him in her arms at the end.

I snuck pictures of my mom holding him right after she was diagnosed. I'm glad I have them so I can show him how much she loved him. But for future kids, I know I'll miss her even more. She was already asking when we would have another right after he was born.

@MrsH: Those are so great. I would love to have one for C!

A friend of mine lost her mom at a young age and she recommended the book "motherless mothers" as she has 2 girls now. I bought it but I haven't had the chance to read it yet. It apparently helped her a lot.

@Pepper: @NurseMommy: I second that. There is so much I need to say about this, and I'm not even a mom yet. I feel like its too much for tonight, because I can only handle a little at a time, but I really feel like this thread is going to be a lifesaver for me

@NurseMommy: I can't sew. I actually posted a classified thread on hellobee and a bee offered to try making it.

@Pepper: cancer sucks. I'm sure your mom knew how much you love/loved her. Even though my dad had stage 4 cancer for over a year he passed quite suddenly so I still struggle with not having said goodbye and letting him know how much he meant to me.

@stargal: thank you for starting this. I also don't know anyone in real life who lost a parent, and it is nice to not feel so alone in the experience.

I lost my mom at 17 to lung cancer, 13 months after she was diagnosed. She was 38. It was a terrible, traumatic experience, that I still have nightmares about sometimes. I talk to her often and tell my daughter about her. DDs middle name is my moms name. I also try to keep some of the traditions that my mom and I had alive with DD.
@Pepper: i hope this doesn't come off as creepy, but I followed your story closely when it was happening, and prayed for you and your family everyday. I couldn't post because your story hit so close to home and mine didn't have a happy ending. Im so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your LO will grow to cherish those pictures and the stories he'll hear about her.

@stargal: I am very interested. If others want the privacy that gold offers, maybe its my sign that it's finally time to invest lol.

I want to reply to all of you because like @stargal said, all of your stories really hit home.

@knittylady: Not weird at all. It's definitely nice to be able to relate to other people who get it. Especially since we all kind of "know" each other through the boards.

@runnerd: I struggle with that too. How to incorporate her enough when she isn't here and when C won't remember her. My dad's dad died suddenly when I was a few months old. I never met him, but I kind of feel like I know him. So that helps... I hope our LOs will have the same feeling.

@MrsH: Cancer is just the worst. I know what you mean. If she had lived for years I still don't think I would have had that conversation with her unless I knew it was the end. In my case, by the time I knew, it was too late. I hope you have a better day tomorrow

@ZombieBullfrogHoller: That's so sweet that you want to use her name as a middle name. I think I'd like to do the same thing if I ever have a girl. I find it hard to look at pictures too, but it also helps because I hate seeing her in my head as she was at the very end.

@owlteach: I agree, a definite lifesaver. You bring up a big issue for me, how all of this has affected the other parent. My dad hasn't been dealing well with this at. all. I worry about him constantly now. You're so right... literally every part sucks.

@catlady: I was always interested in hearing about my dad's dad too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

@Kimberlybee: I'm glad that he got to meet your husband, but so sad that he passed so suddenly. Hugs, friend

@mrsbookworm: I agree, it's definitely hard on the heart to think about LO growing up without your parent. I hate that so many of us have lost parents to cancer.

@MrsRoo: I teared up as soon as I saw that your mom passed away from lung cancer. I'm so sorry. It's not creepy at all. I appreciate you thinking of us, and I understand why you didn't post. I'm assuming we went through similar experiences because I also feel traumatized at times. I'm also so scared of also getting lung cancer at some point.

@stargal: It must have been so hard to lose your mom while you were pregnant. I am so sorry. I also feel really heartbroken, especially at night. I always think about her before I go to bed, once my own LO is sleeping. Thanks again for starting this thread. I think we should keep it going for sure. Though I love the more private nature of gold, my vote is to keep it not gold so that the non gold members can still participate. (Unless of course everyone upgrades!)

@owlteach: It's funny that you say that your father was the only person who really got you - it was the same for me. My husband came in next, but my father and I had the same dark sense of humor. No one understood me like he did. I often have to remind my husband that he is legally obligated to laugh at my bad jokes.

I lost my father in 2012 after expecting to lose him years earlier - he had been ill nearly his entire life. His death was fairly sudden, but I'd been preparing for it my entire life. So it wasn't the blow that it may have been for some people. I've mostly just settled into a sort of quiet anger that other people who are 30 years old still have fathers, and isn't that a load of bullshit?

My way of coping is mostly to keep the feelings at a distance. So while I may mention 'oh, my father would have loved this german deli', I don't talk about him much, and I don't experience the sadness often. My daughter only met him a few times, and doesn't remember him. He loved her so much, though. Ok, now I'm weeping.

I'm really angry about the fact that her remaining grandfather is a terrible man who didn't even want to parent, let alone grandparent. So that makes me want to punch a wall. My father loved her so much - that's the worst part of it all. He was such an amazing grandfather. I wish she could have known him.

@sarac: yeah, my dad and I are both definite introverts. We can bs and smile...but it completely exhausted him and me too. We both loved to get lost in thought. I could just be with him, I didn't have to put up a front or fake anything. My mom and I are close, but I feel like our relationship was just more natural. We understood each other in a way that others didn't. This journey to TTC has been harder than I imagined, and I just want to be with my dad. He wouldn't have any words that would fix any of it....but I feel like I would have been able to tell him about it, and that just being with him would have made it a little easier.

I get the anger and resentment too. My fil through such a big fit about coming out of the mtns for bils birthday during hunting season, that was a month after we lost my dad. I had to leave that party to go for a walk around town, I know my dad would have given anything for another birthday with any of us, or my mom. Then, I was totally that psycho crying lady at my si'ls wedding. It was 3 months after we lost him and a week before his birthday. My fil couldn't even be bothered to be around when it was time for the father daughter dance. At our wedding, my dad was literally using a mcdonalds cup out of someones car scooping the water out of a puddle that was where I would make my entrance at our outdoor wedding. My dad would do anything to make my life better and this jerk couldn't even be bothered to ready on time for his the father daughter dance at his daughters wedding. I was such a mess at their wedding, sobbing great big tears in the bathroom, missing my dad and pissed that fil got more time with his family even though he didn't cherish it like my dad did. I felt bad leaving early, but I just couldn't handle it. I know that someday sil and bil will understand, even if its not for a long while.

I keep it all at a distance too. The pain is still too strong, and it's either weeping tears or nothing. I often wonder if that why I'm not handling the disapoint of TTC well, because I know I haven't healed from losing my dad. It was too sudden and too soon. Literally, we ate dinner together and he went out to change the sprinkler pipe. He had a heart attack and the last any of us spoke to him was at dinner. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on this baby too, I feel like it be the "good thing" that our family needs. Something positive to help us to move on. I dunno, I don't have any of the answers. I'm just so thankful for this thread, and a chance to bear my soul to some of you that kind of get where I am coming from.

@Pepper: Thank you. I too want to respond to everyone when I get my own private moment at my desk this weekend. I just get so worked up in tears so easily nowadays and don't want LO to see my crying. I'm so sorry about the sudden loss of your mom, knowing your sorrow and heartache is still very new, it just makes me want to cry and grieve with you too. Hugs hugs hugs from me and baby H!

I'm sorry for everyone's loss.

I lost my dad in 2003, so 11 years now. Still feels fresh depending on what's going on at the moment. He died in a car accident when I was 22. I talk to LO about him and show pictures and sing his favorite songs and say things h used to say to us.

It's hard at sometimes, knowing he doesn't get to see her, but I like to think she met him before she came down to us from heaven.

My heart goes out to all of you. I have been with my DH through both of his parents passing and it's heartbreaking, even as a daughter-in-law, to think our daughter will never know them.

Hugs