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Yikes. It is NEVER your job to take responsibility for children other than your own. That alone would make me leave the day care.

Nap issues due to noise I think are par for the course at day care and sometimes you just have to accept that (if you want your kid to have total peace and quiet than a nanny at home is your best bet). But the other stuff seems like it's definitely an issue with the day care.

Most of it sounds like normal daycare stuff so I would just hang in there.

I had a clinger/cryer at drop off and it nearly drove me to the edge of insanity, until I got some advice from an experienced mom...she told me that my son might stop crying, but he also might not, it has nothing to do with time spent at drop off, the passing of time, etc. It's personality and there's not much I can do to influence it.

@ShootingStar: It sounds like the actual things that happened were pretty standard daycare issues. But the response of the director was definitely NOT standard. When my LO was in daycare, the director always listened and tried to reassure or problem-solve.

I don't think these are really standard daycare issues, I would be pretty concerned:
1) by 17 months, he should be in a room where there is some sort of schedule. I can understand the young infants not being on a schedule, but older infants should have more designated nap times where the room can be darkened and quieted by now. Do they not split younger and older infants?
2) The teacher in the room should definitely be helping to keep the kids away from the door. This would be a huge concern to me. Is she not engaging them in other activities? Is she overwhelmed with the number of kids in the room?
3) It's a fact that some kids will have trouble with daycare and I don't think you can necessarily say his crying is because he's unhappy at the daycare. But our teachers have always come and tried to distract LO or comfort him during tough drop-offs.

The director's reaction is 1000% not OK. She should be working with you to find solutions to the issues, not blaming you. Even at our first daycare that I was only meh about, the director was extremely nice and willing to discuss and work out issues.

I think it's great that you are changing daycares. I switched daycares during my summer break (I'm a teacher) for a variety of reasons. The main reasons was actually cost--but secondly, there were "small" things I didn't love about the old daycare and for what I was paying, I was overall not super happy with them. I never felt like my LO was unsafe, but I just felt like they weren't very effective with things like naps, feedings (also, like they just didn't care much) and for what I was paying, I wanted better.

And I have been SO MUCH happier with my new daycare. The teachers at the new daycare really work to make sure my LO has a good nap, and they were much better at reporting her food intake. And overall, it just seemed like the teachers cared more and were more on-the-ball. WAY fewer kids crying in the infant room (the old daycare, there were always several kids crying when I picked up/dropped off).

Sometimes you just have to follow your gut instinct. One thing that was difficult for me personally was that I had a close mom friends whose LO was in the exact same class as my LO, and she thought the old daycare was great and her LO still goes there. It was hard for me to discern whether I was expecting too much or she just expected way less--but now that we've moved daycares, I am so so happy with our decision (except for the longer commute with LO).

@ShootingStar: we went through something similar, where the day care was being closed down and teachers were leaving and subs were brought in...the inconsistency was really tough on my son and we ended up pulling him out ahead of the initial planned closure.

@ShootingStar: I think the most important part of feeling comfortable with a day care is how the director and teachers address your concerns. If you feel like you're being brushed off, then I agree that it's time for a new day care whether those issues are common or not.

LO only went to day care 2x/week when he first started, and he cried for the better part of a full year before it got better. That was with the same teacher every day. I attributed it to the fact that he was only going 2x/week. They were incredibly patient with me when I called to check on him in the first few weeks, and the teacher always made it a point to let me know that he only cried for a few minutes and then got better. It was all about making me feel comfortable.

There was also an issue where a substitute wasn't paying close enough attention when I dropped him off. He grabbed another girl's hardboiled egg (he's allergic to eggs) while she wasn't looking, but I was there. I immediately grabbed it out of his hand, and also just brought it up to the director as an issue. I was treated with respect, the substitute was incredibly apologetic both there and after I spoke with the director, and I thought they handled it beautifully. The next time I came in, there were signs all over the place about knowing the childrens' allergies before you take charge of them. Again, all about making me feel comfortable.

The fact that the director blamed you for the issues you brought up sends up a red flag in my book that your concerns aren't respected or taken seriously. I'd move LO for that reason alone, no matter how petty the issue was.

as for naps--my LO barely napped in the infant room for the first 6-9 months. it was brutal.

the finger thing was a bit weird--all the doors in our daycare have the finger guards, including the emergency exits (i looked at them after your post a while ago).

my LO has problems at drop off also--i know it gets tiring for everyone, but a teacher always comes over to help out if he isn't settling down.

taken together, i'm not sure they add up to deal breakers if i loved the rest of the daycare, but i think it's important to go with your gut and kudos to you for looking around for a new daycare.

@ShootingStar: Just to add, we switched daycares because we moved. Our old daycare was technically fine, and I liked the director, but there were just things that rubbed me the wrong way. His face was always dirty at pick-up, there was a lot of turn-over, we were never introduced to new teachers they just showed up, transitions between rooms was bad, and I didn't care much for their menu. There weren't any earth shaking problems, but I was just not feeling this place. I chalked it up to just being daycare though.
Our new place has none of these issues though. When we were looking at places in our new location, I knew better what kind of questions to ask. The teachers here have been with the center for years, and I think that speaks volumes about an industry where turnover is generally high. I really like his new center so much better. I think if you're iffy on your current daycare, it is DEFINITELY worth looking around. There is probably a much better fit for you, and you are more aware of what you want.