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@Truth Bombs: I agree that an evaluation won't hurt and it's better to identify an issue before Kindergarten starts.

@honeybear: I don't think 2 months is that much of a delay. It's possible they waited until they had observed him long enough to notice a pattern and be sure that it was an issue that was systemic & not random one-off behaviors. I never want to worry a parent about something unless I'm sure of what I'm seeing & have examples and ideas for solutions.

@JoyfulKiwi: Right. Two months and this teacher is calling him 'hyperactive' and recommending an eval? Were you or anyone you know completely perfect at every task in your/their job two months after you/they started? Or did it take some time to figure things out completely perhaps? The problem here is that we don't even hold adults to that standard. And yet a 3 year-old who is probably still figuring out how to go to the toilet every time nature calls is supposed to have no trouble navigating all the (frankly silly--at least from his perspective) demands of an adult he has just met and do so with grace and composure. The response to "this child is not cooperating" should not be a reflexive "get an evaluation." It should be "let me continue to work with him for 6 months to a year and see if I can figure out what approaches might work best."

Also, he has been at the school since Oct, and no one else seems to have had these concerns. In any event, this teacher has already labeled this child as hyperactive and that's a big problem.

ETA: additions above.

@looch: I just ordered this book!! The author is also doing a speaking event in my town in few weeks and I can't wait to go!

@Mrs. Lion: I'm late to this conversation, but we have been in a similar boat. My now 3.5 year old has been more "difficult" in his class and in speaking with the director about 6 months ago, she said she was going to do an independent evaluation for the classroom, but was also recommending it for our son. This came as a surprise to us at first, but also realized that my son was acting out at the time for two big reasons. 1 - brand new baby at home. Big bro had a tough struggle in the beginning adjusting. and 2 - his favorite teacher in his classroom had to leave for surgery, and this happened the week after the new baby came home I can see this all relating now, 6+ months later with better perspective, but we were also struggling with behavior at home so we went with it... In fact, we were fine with it - better to get an understanding of what was happening and work with our son to make improvements.

Fast forward through the evaluations, did one at home, and 3 at his daycare.... Basically - they came up with nothing. He *might have some light sensory stuff and we're going to follow up with an OT to get a full evaluation and see if that will be beneficial.... But in looking into the sensory issues and speaking with the women who did the evals, MOST kids have some struggles with sensory at this age - it's just a part of their development, some kids handle it better than others. And of course there are some more substantial SPD issues that truly benefit from OT.

I've noticed in 6 months time a VAST improvement in our son and both we, and his teacher (the new one that replaced the old beloved one) think he's just 'maturing' later than some of his classmates.... His speech is lightyears ahead of where it was 6 months ago, he's playing better with kids, he's listening better, etc etc.

One of the issues we came upon was that our son didn't know how to "play" with the other kids. His idea of playing was being destructive and knocking things over (which seems like pretty normal 3 year old boy behavior to me) - and that was disrupting the other kids, clearly, but part of the evaluation was to help THE TEACHERS learn how to react and deal with this kind of stuff - so they're working on it too.

Sorry - i feel like i'm rambling. All in all - I think a more open conversation with the teachers, finding out what was going on at school, and trying to work on it at home has really helped. We realized that the lines of communication were not as open as they should be. Also, our son maturing a bit more seems to have helped a ton....

@Mrs. Lion: Oh my goodness! You poor thing. Well, yes, it sounds like he's actually handling everything REALLY WELL... so many changes and things going on - of course they know something is up and react.... I think just giving everything time will work wonders... You're doing a FANTASTIC job mama. keep it up....

No advice, because we're having similar problems with our 3.5 year old. He knows the rules (he's been in this center for 2 years) and knows what a "bad choice" is, but when one of his friends makes a bad choice and gets attention for it E immediately mimics it so that he gets attention, too. Sometimes it's things like yelling, sometimes it's throwing toys, sometimes it's hitting or kicking. I've come to dread pick-up because I rarely get a positive report.

We have a 4 month old at home, and we're pretty certain it's all related to her. It doesn't help that my husband works later hours most days. I give him all the attention I can spare at home while keeping things running (often feeling a little resentful because I almost never get any quality awake time with the baby), and he's mostly better behaved at home, but they can't give him that sort of attention there. And I think taking him out of school would be very detrimental.

Luckily he has a wonderful teacher who is really invested in helping figure out how to manage his using negative behavior to get attention, and confers with me regularly on what methods are successful for us at home that she can try to mimic at school (I call is syncing). We have a conference with her and possibly the director tomorrow. I hate hate hate feeling like my kid is the bad kid, and I'm terrified that if we can't sort out his behavior at school that we'll be asked to pull him out. I'm nervous about a formal conference, but they've been very proactive and communicative about trying to help him make good choices, so I'm hoping that together we can figure out something that can be done consistently at school and home.

So no advice, just lots of empathy.

I'm so sorry. It hurt my heart reading this because my 2.5 year old is very active and "misbehaves" a lot too and I know how helpless you can feel in these situations.

I really don't think an evaluation would "hurt," but I also think that the language the school uses is a little concerning. Ideally, they would be more supportive and understanding that impulsivity in small kids isn't just about "misbehavior." The rules thing sounds like they think he is somehow defiant. And I would hope they would want to help him have a better experience at school and be the "best him" - not just reduce it to a discipline issue.

Have you done any research on executive function in preschoolers? Maybe you share some of the research with his school and maybe you can find some activities to do with him at home while you are exploring this.

@Mrs. Lion: I'm sorry, did he say at all what was upsetting him? Hope you get everything figured out but sounds like your life has been anything but simple lately. Sorry ya'll are dealing with so much.

Just wanted to offer sympathy/support. It sounds really frustrating that his teacher doesn't seem to be fully in his corner (for whatever reasons). I would be worried in your shoes, too. (I am a worrier, though, so don't put too much stock in my opinion )

Does the school have another classroom for the same age range? I know our school has sometimes switched kids to a different room at the parents' request. Or is it possible to send him part-time and have a nanny the rest of the time? (I think you may have already said this wasn't financially possible, but I can't find the post...)

It's possible you're being over sensitive. I say that because Ive been in a similar situation with my son. I teach a preschool class and my son is in my "sister class" (the preschool class that I share a door with.) I know the teachers pretty well and I have "insider info" on their day to day interactions because I can literally hear through the wall/see through the window. I know in my head they care about and love my son. But, every time we have to talk about his tantrums I flip out and become very emotional (at home of course). I question their methods and if they really care about him and if I should move him because they just think he's a "problem kid". My mommy heart just can't handle it. We've had to have several honest, and frankly uncomfortable, conversations about me feeling unsettled by comments his teacher made without realizing they'd upset me. In the end, it's all okay and I've never had that gut feeling of "this is wrong", just my heartstrings being heavily tugged.

I'd suggest talking to the director about your concerns for your son and asking for another conference with the teacher to come up with a better communication plan. As a teacher, Ive had parents tell me how they were upset by the way I came across & it was just a misunderstanding. It's hard to hear, but I think a good teacher will take in what you're saying and be able to fix it. If not, you'll know this teacher is not the right fit. Its okay to verbalize an expectation of, say, a 3 minute run-down at each pick-up time. A teacher who wants what's best for your kid won't think this is a hassle & and should welcome your involvement!

My heart goes out to you @Mrs. Lion! I've read through all the posts and it sounds like you're in such a tough position. I'm an Early Childhood Special Education Teacher and I've spent a good portion of my career being one of the evaluators in a public school setting. I know you have an education and behavior background and it is amazing how much being a parent changes your perspective on education, behavior, etc... Without actually observing the behaviors and analyzing the environment and many other factors it's hard to make recommendations. As I'm sure you know all too well with an education background, that far too often teachers can make it or break it for many kiddos. From an evaluator's perspective it sounds like the frequency and intensity of the behaviors mentioned for your son might be of concern. It would definitely raise some flags for me. It's not that those types of behaviors are outside of the norm, they're not, but rather the frequency and intensity of them might be. Also, you mentioned that "you should have known better" in regards to a meeting prior to lunch time, playing music which may have caused over-stimulation, and giving him lots of outside time prior to the next evaluation. It is obvious that you know your son extremely well which is wonderful but because you know him so well, you also know how to best regulate him and do that very naturally. At the same time, because it comes naturally to you, you may not even be aware of how much support your son may be requiring to maintain regulation because it has become such a natural part of your day and life. It is clear that your son's current school situation does not know what he needs and could benefit from strategies to help him maintain regulation and come back to baseline when he becomes disregulated. His behavior should not be considered "misbehaving" but rather behavior of a child who needs support. I would continue to push the school in a respectful manner and if they are not willing to continue to try and pursue new strategies then consider other options.

Reading through this thread has made my heart ache so bad Currently having a hard time at 3 year old kinder with my DD (turning 4 in a few weeks). She has been having a hard time with "controlling her emotions", having scream/crying moments through the session when transitioning from one activity to the next, such as finishing up playing outside to come in for snack time. She becomes inconsolable, and "you cannot reason with her at all", and I think she is overwhelmed by the number of activities that she can do so jumps from one to the other constantly. sometimes tantrums and stomping feet/crossing arms when she doesnt want to do something.

I can tell she has had a rough day when I go to pick her up and she starts crying and says "I had a sad day", and have discussed it with the teacher - she said she wanted to give her a term to get used to it, but is she hasn't been able to settle after several months. This week she told me she had a meltdown because she couldn't get a particular toy to work, which resulted in a prolonged emotional upset, wouldnt sit to eat her food, crying because the other children were looking at her (because she was crying). ughhhhhhh just so sad that she is having a hard time teacher has said she is trying to preempt a meltdown by removing her from the situation when she sees her start to get upset, deep breathing and counting (which we also do at home in situations like these).

teacher specifically said that she does not think she is doing it on purpose, and she definitely isn't being "naughty" which I agreed to, and I told her I don't say that word/label her behaviour as that because I can see its genuine that she is overwhelmed and overstimulated. She said she is excellent when spending one on one time with her, her vocabulary and conversation are very good, its the overexcitement leading to emotional outbursts. I may make an appointment to see the paediatrician to discuss it, and I'm thinking I need to switch up and improve my parenting skills to help her (which makes me feel ohhhhh so crap).

@Mrs. Lion: Thanks for the update It sounds like you have a plan and hopefully some good strategies from the PT eval. We have DS eval at the public school this Weds, so I'm interested (and a bit terrified) to see how that goes.

@Mrs. Lion: good update - good luck!! We are going to do an OT eval soon as well... I'm hoping it will help him learn to cope with some of his sensory stuff, really curious to see how it will turn out!