Hellobee Boards

What are some specifics?

We have had similar conversations with my sons teacher (he's 3.5) and she recently suggested having him evaluated by the public school, which we have initiated. I have always known that DS is more active and more impulsive than his peers (and it's been a big struggle for DH and I as parents) so I wasn't surprised by this, but I was still sad to think he is struggling. I had him evaluated by early intervention when he was just over 2 for concerns about possible SPD and hyperactivity/impulsiveness, but he didn't qualify because he was excelling academically and in other areas of development. I'm glad that we are working on it now, rather than finding out when he gets to Kindergarten and am hopeful that the evaluation will give us some suggestions and insight as to how best to help him in more structured settings.

As for the process, I can't give you a ton of info on that as the school has not scheduled it yet. I do know it will be around 2 hours, without me present, and that they will be evaluating him for the areas of concern as well as his global development. They then have to have a meeting with us prior to the end of the school year to discuss the results.

I hope you are able to get some answers soon!

Personally, I would look in to switching schools, unless he's with a new teacher soon. It worries me when any 3yo is called hyperactive.... How long has he been at the school? Is everyone in his class the exact same age? Even a few months can makes a huge difference in behavior.

@Mrs. Lion: Is there a way that you can go in and observe your son's class? I'd approach it by asking if I can come in and read a book to the kids during your son's worst time (does it happen consistently through the day, before meals, etc) this way you're not just standing there but actually seeing how the kids are interacting. It might give you some insight into the situation.

Hmmm. If you just switched to full days I would maybe be concerned that fatigue could be contributing, too?

Did the teacher use the word "misbehaving"? That's the part that troubles me a bit. I don't have any insight into your child's behavior, but it seems unsettling to me if the teacher describes it as "misbehaving" at 3 yrs old, as if he is being bad rather than as something that seems kind of normal but causes a disruption in the classroom and so is something for everyone to work on. (But I may also be reading too much into one word!)

Finding the right balance between letting your kid be who they are and helping them fit into the system seems hard. Good luck!

@Mrs. Lion: Yea I dont think that knowing the rules and not following them = hyperactive.

My daughter knows a lot of rules and still gets in trouble/has to be reminded all the time!

This happened to us with our three year old. I was in between jobs so it made the most sense to pull him and wait and see. I think at three they are super active and also need a lot of direction on how to handle emotion and that's hard to do in a class of 15 kids. I spoke with my therapist and my ped and they both said not to do an evaluation until 7 or so. Don't want to track him so early in life. When was he born? Mine was youngest in class so that was a factor. I'm deciding whether or not to go back to work but if I do not go in the fall I'm going to do three day preschool just to keep giving him that unstructured time. Does the school have enough resources? Studies show that pre k will push a diagnosis if underfunded or understaffed. Not consciously but just as a response to stress. I'm increasingly open to an evaluation/diagnosis but probably not until 5.

@T.H.O.U.: totally agree positive/unconditional parenting really was the key for my LO.

On another note...I recommend the book Raising Cain to all boy parents...discusses how boys are raised to be more active, more physical, less emotionally expressive, then punished for it in school. Even if you believe there are no inherent differences between the genders, this book is very convincing in how it outlines this double bind. Isn't a religious text which is important to me because I'm very feminist (I have a degree in gender studies).

@Mrs. Lion: here's an interview with psychologists who tried to study the diff bw California's rate of 6.2% and north Carolinas 15.2%. They did find it had to do with testing standards. http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/04/adhd.aspx
@Mrs. Sketchbook: I only have girls and I might read that. In trying to find the article above I found an interesting stat that said in the US by the time a boy reaches high school he has a 1 in 5 chance at being diagnosed with ADHD (in NC it's closer to 1 in 3). That seems like if such a big percentage of people have a hard time focusing on school that maybe it's time to look at how to better engage the kids.

@Mrs. Lion: could you have him evaluated by a third party of your choosing? I just had this conversation last saturday with a male elementary school teacher who was diagnosed with ADHD at 30. He said go for the evaluation but get it done outside the school and bring the results to them. One thing I will admit is that the director at my pre k only had a four year degree in early childcare and although I respect her level of experience I wasn't willing to put my kid through a litany of evaluations just based off of her opinion when technically she isn't trained to make such an evaluation. She was pushing for sensory processing disorder not ADHD not sure if that affects the timeline re: diagnosis. She was very up in the air about it...didn't have a specific idea of what was the problem but still convinced there was one.

Pulling him was a hard decision for us. There was a part of me that didn't want to engage in any denial or protecting him from reality by just pulling him out. I don't want to shelter him or keep him from getting help if he needs it. It is funny...my 1 year old is behind on milestones and we are pursuing physical therapy and it doesn't bother me at all...I think if after this year at home if we still get these reports from teachers at prek I will probably act on them.

@Mrs. Lion: my son does the same things you mentioned in your response to @honeybear. I really don't think this is out of the ordinary for that age. Although I got really upset when my sons teacher approached me about it so I understand.

@Mrs. Lion: I think you should trust your instinct here. That said, I think it's ridiculous that you are *just now* hearing about these concerns and they have come packaged with a recommendation for an evaluation. If this is something they've observed for a while, you should have been told immediately, not weeks or months later. (And if they haven't observed it for a while, I definitely would not act on their recommendation to do an evaluation unless you have other concerns.) That inexcusable delay plus the language the teacher is using to describe your son's behavior would be enough for me to pull my child from this school, but I probably do have a lower than typical tolerance for this sort of thing.

I also don't think that a 3 year-old having trouble transitioning from activity to activity, or not wanting to participate in circle time, or being done with his lunch early is any indication of anything other than the fact that the child is 3. My son was in preschool when he was 2 and 3, and I remember quite clearly that the director and teachers stressed how difficult transitions were for children this age and that it was something that would take time, but everyone would get it.

@Truth Bombs: for me I think the real negativity was not the evaluation itself but the feeling that the teachers at his school felt he was "off" and even if the evaluation came back totally normal I doubt their opinion would change. We were having acting out/scratching/hitting issues so I was really afraid of him absorbing the idea that he was "bad" and living up to the label. Maybe a reality at some point but didn't want it for him at three.

@Mrs. Sketchbook: I totally agree--having unstructured time is essential to developing/lengthening a child's attention span. It shouldn't be a rare luxury to be able to sit and think about or focus on doing something that interests you when you're a little child (or even as an adult, for that matter!).

My son was the same way regarding art. He wanted nothing to do with markers or crayons until he was about 4.5, and then--bam!--I suddenly wasn't able to keep enough paper in the house to keep up with his drawing. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that it was around that time that he had refined his fine motor skills to the point where he was able to get the images he had in his head out on paper in a recognizable form.

ETA: Oh, and you've convinced me, I've put "Raising Cain" on hold.

@Mrs. Lion: it sounds like there is a lot that could potentially be going on here and I think more communication with the teacher is going to be necessary. It's hard to give any advice, because the reality of the situation seems pretty vague to me. I have had tough conferences with my son's preschool teacher about his emotional needs (lots of tantrums) & felt shocked/worried/offended by her choice of words. At the time, I went home and was all in a twizzle to my husband and then re-met with the teacher later to ask some clarifying questions & try to create a plan. Each time, our second conversation went much better and left me with a better idea of what was really going on and how we can work on it. So, is encourage you to ask for a follow up conference.
As a pre-K teacher, I've been the one having this conversation with parents before and I know I botched it in my pre-parenting days. It's easy to use a word like "misbehave" which isnt really a good descriptor. From what you've mentioned, I think it's 50/50 on whether there's a real issue. I think the behaviors mentioned (trouble with transitions, not being able to stay seated at circle or in a chair, tantruming) can all be attributed to needing time to mature OR indicative of a larger issue that needs supports. Most of the 3 year olds in my class have no problem cleaning up upon first request or not touching toys during circle or complying with directions without needing to hear a consequence. However, none of that automatically means your son has any issue behind needing time to mature! I can think of a couple kiddos right now who struggle with those things and more often than not it improves over time with a consistent environment.
I think it's good you started the evaluation. It's a win win in my book, because at the end everyone has more information to decide what the next steps should be. A good teacher should welcome the expert's opinion and be open to trying interventions of all types (such as, seat your son away from toys, etc).
I hope you get to have another conversation soon. It's really hard as a parent to feel like your child is doing something "wrong" and to not feel defensive towards the school/want to pull your child out to protect them. But most veteran teachers aren't interested in labeling kids and genuinely want to help if they see an issue.