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@sweetiepie and @purplepumps ugh my heart breaks for you two. Frustrating, unfair, and maddening don't begin to describe what you are going through. Wishing you strength and hugs!
@pointeshoestutus I have all my appendages crossed for a good fert report!!
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@PurplePumps: So freaking unfair. I'm so sorry for all the disappointments and heartbreak over the past couple of years. Uggghhhhhh!
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@Mrs. Pajamas: Thanks lady
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@PointeShoesTutus: any news? Thinking of you
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@PurplePumps: My heart is just broken and I'm SO angry for you! What a fing ridiculous thing to happen! Did the doctor have any idea why this would even happen or do you know what you are going to do going forward?
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@SweetiePie: I'm so sorry that you didn't get any normal embryos
I've been thinking of you all weekend..
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@PurplePumps: I'm so sorry. That's terrible!
@SweetiePie: I must have missed your post about the four being abnormal. I'm so sorry
This round 9 of 13 fertilized so that's a big improvement from 9 of 20. Looks like I will escape with no OHSS this round, thank goodness.
I'm debating on calling for an update on Wednesday or waiting till Friday for the number that made it to blast. I go back and forth between being so positive and wanting to prepare for another letdown this cycle
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@pointshoestutus congrats on avoiding OHSS!! I was super nervous about that for my last retrieval. You do NOT need that on top of all the other stress/physical discomforts that goes with IVF! Also congrats on the first fert report. It only takes one so stay positive!
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Question for those that had cryo samples given by their husbands. DH went last week for a cryo after two samples had been "unusable". I called today and they said they froze it and will do a pilot thaw and get back to us by end of the week. Question is- do you find out mobility/numbers with this thaw or what's the deal? We've never made it this far.
Yay for small steps and having a decent sample though!
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@PointeShoesTutus: @NorthStar: Thanks ladies!
@PointeShoesTutus: That's a much better fert report! Congrats! Can you remind me again what your odds are for a normal embryo?Spoke to my doc today. He basically said in nicer words that he doesn't have much confidence and suggested donor eggs. I feel ok with just stopping but DH really wants to keep trying. So I'm just so torn on what to do. I don't want to just dismiss his feelings on the matter, but I also just want to move on with our lives.
Our odds of a normal egg are 1/8. So far we've only tested 6. So DH feels we should at least give the odds a chance and do another round and hope we have another 2-4 to test. But I just have zero confidence at this point and it feels like a waste of time, money and emotions.
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@PointeShoesTutus: If they are going to take a look on day 3, I see no harm in calling to ask. In the past my RE always checked and updated me on day 3. This last one, they were going to just leave them alone until day 5 to minimize their disturbance. So it depends on what your clinic does. If their plan was not to disturb them and just check on day 5 how many blasts you have, I wouldn't ask them to check.
@LibbyLou: No experience with that, but I would assume they would have those numbers for a frozen sample like they would a fresh one.
@SweetiePie: That is tough. The cynical side of me says of course he wants to keep trying. It's easy for the guy to say when they aren't the ones going to the appointments, worrying about meds and going through the shots and procedures! I hope you guys can reach a mutual agreement.
As for stats, I can't trust a word of it anymore. My body throws stats out the window then goes downstairs to stomp on them.
My RE has zero clue what happen to this cycle and even though it was the same protocol as the previous 2, the recommendation was to try the same thing again and hope for the results of the first 2 cycles. It was messed up from the start, so I kind of believe (or delusionally hoping) maybe it was a fluke and thought we could try "one more time" again early next year. Lucky number 7 maybe???
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@SweetiePie: That's a tough situation to be in. Maybe stepping away from all this until after the new year and then reevaluating might bring you some clarity? Prayers for you guys. @PurplePumps: I decided to just wait until day 5. I'd rather be blissfully ignorant for a few more days.
With our genetic condition the odds are 3/4 normal or carrier but when adding in PGS, it drops to 43%. I'm with @PurplePumps: on statistics/odds. I've defied a bunch of odds not in a good way when it's come to my health so why would this be any different
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@PurplePumps: Oh believe me. I've already made that same cynical comment to my husband! "Well isn't it easy for you to say 'let's do one more'."
@purplepumps: @pointeshoestutus:
Have you guys ever considered donor eggs? Or will you? Now that my doc has recommended it I'm so curious about other people's decisions/thoughts on the matter. I don't think I'm interested, but I've had the tiniest spark of "but maybeeee..." in the back of my mind for the last 24 hours. But I think ultimately I won't pull the trigger. -
@SweetiePie: When we first started, I was against it. No particular reason except I thought I'd feel detached if it wasn't "mine". Then after my 3rd round where I had pretty much given up hope, I started to look in to it and consider it. My 4th round was "supposed" to be my last hail mary, my last, verification that my eggs were 100% worthless. But then I got that BFP and hope was renewed. I'm still in the hopeful stage and will keep trying with my own as long as there seems to be hope.
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@PurplePumps: That's my fear too. That I'll feel detached or even jealous or resentful that a baby from a donor egg is my husbands bio child and not mine.
At this point we're actually talking more about adoption than anything else. Though still pretty "would you? Could you?" vs "let's do it". My husband has said casually that he wouldn't be opposed to asking my sister for eggs so that I might feel more connected. But for some reason that feels even harder for me. -
@SweetiePie: I actually think a sibling would have made it better for me. (or may that is wishful thinking since I lost my sister 15 years ago and it would just mean she was still here). Then I would feel the genetic connection and that it would at least still be my parents bio grandchild which I know they want so bad. I brought up donor to my mom once, and I think I shocked her. She wasn't very enthusiastic about it at all and questioned why I couldn't "just" use my own. Oh if only it were that simple huh.
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@PurplePumps: Yeah the oversimplifying comments are pretty frustrating. I can totally see the lure of having a biological connection to the baby through your sister. And I'm sure that for your situation it would be even sweeter
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@PointeShoesTutus: same for me, defying the odds in a negative way. This morning the RN was saying something was 'super rare" so probably me
@SweetiePie: We are in the midst of one last cycle and then we are looking at donor eggs because a). this cycle is not looking great and b). all signs right now for being unknown/unexplained infertility point to my eggs as the likeliest culprit. Our issue is that we are not Caucasian and we are thinking about what that means for us to move forward with a donor as finding someone with our same background will probably be challenging.
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Does anyone know if microdose lupron and depot lupron are the same thing? We have one vial of microdose lupron that is unopened, and wondering if we should hang on to it just in case we have any 'normals' from this cycle, as we will be doing depot lupron prior to a transfer. If not, we will look to pass it on to someone locally.
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@endymion4: I think microdose Lupron is or is diluted from Leuprolide Acetate cause they IVF one is the subQ short duration lupron. (I'm not sure about that one since I never used "microdose") Is that the Leuprolide Acetate 2 week kit?
I did just ask my RE about Leuprolide Acetate and Lurpon depot cause the latter is covered by insurance but the former is not. This is the info I got about that from him. Leuprolide Acetate and Lupron depot is the same "Lupron" mediation but depot Lupron is a monthly intramuscular injection and the leuprolide is a daily subcutaneous injection. The Lupron depot formulation allows it to stay in your body for a much longer duration.
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@PurplePumps:
@sweetiepie: I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. If you ever want to talk about using donor eggs, let me know. I know @momazon can also speak to this as well.
IF is so, so unfair.
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@SweetiePie: just catching up here. I'm not to the point yet but I have thought of donor eggs. My older sister has offered eggs or surrogacy. I would 100% use my sister's eggs. I look at the DNA aspect more than her kid vs mine. She has the same makeup that I do. Sure, different traits and features but the genetics are identical. If I carried the pregnancy I don't think the child not being my eggs would cross my mind more than on rare occasion. (I don't think I could personally do donor eggs and a Surrogate).
I def see how people would be in the "not for me" camp. As we all know IF makes you eat your words all the time! If you say no to it now you may start thinking that's the best option in the future. No shame in that either! -
Omgggggg I had a huge reply and I lost it
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@endymion4: that's so interesting, I'd never thought about that before. I guess because I'm Caucasian. So are most donor eggs from Caucasian women?
I'm sorry this cycle isn't going well for you. It's frustrating to go through all of the crap and then it's like "really? That's it? We got nothing?" -
@winter_wonder: Thanks so much
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@LibbyLou: You and my husband feel the same way - it's the same DNA and he wouldn't even really think of the baby as not being "mine".
I really hope this doesn't come off as insensitive because offending anyone is the least of my intentions, but it's a huge part of my concern - I wonder if I would have a harder time since I already have my one bio child from the first round of IVF. Like, if I didn't have him it wouldn't be as big a deal. I would do whatever I had to do to have a baby. But because I do have one and he's "mine" would I automatically view the 2nd non-bio child as not as much mine? I'm scared of that. It's not how I would want to feel, but I'm afraid I would.
And what about telling him/her and my DS? It would feel weird to just not say anything, like a big secret. But it would also feel weird (and would be shocking for him/her) to someday find out that cousins are half siblings and aunt is actually bio mom. Or for my son to find out that he/she is half sibling half cousin.
It would feel weird to see my sister hug him. What is she feeling when she hugs him? Maybe nothing more than love of an aunt since she didn't carry him.
If it was a random donor I could see that it's not very important to share that info. I carried him and I'm all he ever knew so why share. But Idk, someone we regularly interact with would feel strange to me.
I think it's wonderful and beautiful and I wouldn't bat an eye if someone else used a sisters egg.
I think this is just a place I never ever thought I'd be in and I'm having a hard time imagining it. -
@SweetiePie: oh I get all of your fears so much. And really good point about your eldest. I don't know the right answer to if you would feel differently or what to tell the child. How you feel about egg donation my DH feels about adoption so I totally understand it. There is no right or wrong way to feel and none of us know what the hell we would do until it happens.
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Just weighing in here @sweetiepie and others....
When we first got our MFI diagnosis DH and I immediately agreed that if we could not get a good sperm sample from him we would ask his brother and not feel weird about it at all, since, like you guys said, it's still family.If our IF issue was on my side I agree it would be hard but personally I think we would go with egg donor over adoption since being pregnant was/is so important to me--for the experience and the bonding. That being said it's a very very personal decision. I've been following this blog for years--I highly recommend it if you are considering surrogacy or egg donation. http://www.ourjourneytoababybump.com/
She had her twin sons via egg donor and surrogacy--so no physical/genetic connection at all except for DH's sperm and absolutely LOVEs her boys. Then totally randomly she got pregnant naturally and has a little girl. I can't imagine she feels differently about her kids at all.Good luck all--IF is so so hard and emotional. It will always be such a tough subject for me!
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@LibbyLou: Yeah, its so true. I think @purplepumps: said it to me a long time ago - never say never when it comes to IF! We all end up doing things that we didn't think we'd ever have to or want to do.
If I think about it in reverse - what if my sister asked me for my eggs if roles were reversed. Of course I would do it in a heartbeat! But I can't say I wouldn't look at that child and think about how he/she is mine and maybe be a little sad. So I can't imagine my sister wouldn't feel a little the same? It just seems like such a beautiful thing but could also be really hard/confusing/painful.Anyway. I don't think I'm there yet and I would have to talk to her of course, haha. But its been on my mind a lot lately.
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@Mrs. Pajamas: I will definitely check that out, thank you!
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I would be ok with donor eggs because of all my health problems but my husband isn't quite there yet. At first it was a hard no. Now it's a "lets see if it will be necessary" before we discuss further. While I want to carry my own child, I'm aware it's risky for me. We'd use a surrogate if it wasn't so insanely expensive. Cost would probably hold H back from donor eggs as well, at least initially. He has NO idea that our insurance coving everything (short of $1,000 for PGS) is the exception rather than the rule.
I'm hoping this cycle yields something but mentally preparing for the worst. Like @endymion4: said, if it's super rare, it happens to me.
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@PurplePumps: Thanks for the info! If the formulation is different, then this probably won't be useful for us to hang on to
@SweetiePie: thanks! yes, a lot of caucasian donors. One clinic suggested a hispanic donor for a "similar look," but it's really not that similar
apparently there are some clinics with a little more diversity in their donors, so that's on my list to look into next.
I don't have a sister, so I can only speculate what it might be like getting eggs from a sibling--I think i would have those nagging little questions watching them interact, so for me an anonymous donor gives us more separation to just form our own bonds, i guess., but agree that I wouldn't bat an eye at someone else doing it because what a wonderful gift if you have that kind of bond with a sibling! -
Moving on to using donor eggs ended up being the best decision we made. I gave my own eggs lots of chances, but the girls unfortunately just didn't pull through for me. (haha) Once we moved on to donor eggs, it was luckily smooth sailing - pregnant on the first try, and then pregnant again on the first try for a sibling. I know that doesn't always happen with donor eggs, and I'm so thankful the universe gave me a much easier ride once I switched.
When I thought about it, the traits I wanted to pass along to my child, things like optimism and empathy and kindness, were all things I felt were nurture rather than nature. I wasn't concerned with passing along things like my nose, or my eyes, or my height. I nurtured that embryo made with my donor's egg through beautiful months of pregnancy, and made him my own. It is definitely fun to see my husband's full lips and crinkly eyes on my baby's face, but I see myself in my baby's laughter and in his sweet cuddles. I know donor eggs are not for everyone, and that it's such a personal decision, but for me, it's been nothing short of amazing. I'm so happy every day, and so grateful for my (anonymous) donor and the family she has helped us build.
We never had an option of using a known egg donor, but for me I think that would be a bit harder for some reason. We will definitely let our children know that mommy had help to bring them into the world - we met with a social worker pre-donor cycle who went over some of the best practices with us on how to address that once they can understand, and I'll be researching that further once it's time.
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@momazon: That was just beautiful. Thank you for sharing. My brother and SIL are considering donor eggs after 8 failed transfers. My brother is the one who is resistant. My heart hurts so much for them, and I want them to be blessed so badly. This story is full of so much hope.
@sweetiepie: I'm so sorry to hear that news. Hoping and praying you can get through this next month and you have some clarity in the new year.
@purplepumps: I'm so sorry. My heart just breaks for you. It is so unfair. Hope is something you need in this journey and I'm glad you are clinging to that. Praying for you in the New Year. -
@momazon: That is so so beautiful and really gives me a new perspective on donor eggs. Thank you.
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Hi Ladies,
First I want to say to @momazon -- thanks for sharing your story. My husband and I are considering a donor egg and for a sibling for our daughter - and your post has really moved me. I've been leaning against it for a number of reasons and you almost have me convinced it's the right thing.
I also have a question for you ladies. I've had several rounds of IVF for about two years - since my (naturally conceived) daughter turned one. Nothing worked out -- I got pregnant once and promptly had a miscarriage. Then we did one last round and got more eggs than expected and ended up with three viable embryos. We tested those ( I was 43 at the time and it was unlikely they'd do well) Sure enough someone called me one day and said they were all abnormal. No explanation, no follow-up nothing. I was in shock and didn't ask questions. I figured I'd get at least one usable embryo.
A year later, we got a bill for storage. I've been trying to move past all this and immediately started crying. I needed to -- I didn't even cry after my D&C. I called to ask questions -- why would they store abnormal embryos? We signed paperwork saying they should be used for science. You have to sign that paperwork before the procedure.
I called my very nice nurse and asked -- and now she's saying they have to figure out what happened. Two weeks later -- still no word. Just messages from her they are still "trying to figure it out." She couldn't tell me what was up with my embryos. I wanted to know what was wrong with them and what sex they were. Nothing. And they've been stored, apparently. I find this strange and unsettling. What do you guys think? And how to proceed? -
@MrsMed: that is so strange. I would schedule an in person meeting to figure it out. I'm guessing someone made a mistake along the way of storing eggs they shouldn't, or sending you a bill for medical research storing. I work in the medical field and know mistakes happen there as they do in ANY job but people (even me!) are a lot less forgiving of mistakes there. I bet they are freaking out over this and trying to figure it out. I'd be so confused and want to figure it out in person to get real answers.
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@LibbyLou: Thanks for the advice. I will try to do that if my nurse calls me back today as she promised. And I doubt they'll agree to meet with me. But most of all, I want them to tell me what I had. I wish I knew why that part was taking so long. Can't the doctor just call me and tell me what's in my file? And of course, part of me is wishing they were wrong about them, but I know that's highly unlikely.
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@momazon: that is one of the sweetest things I've read. You little guy is very blessed! Thanks for sharing.
@MrsMed: my heart breaks for your situation. I can't imagine. I think I'd call and ask for the soonest available in person appointment (and raise hell to get one) to get some answers. You must have the patience of a saint to wait this long. If it is a mistake, that's one hell of one to make either way it breaks. They owe you an explanation and the answers to your questions at the very least! I had 3/3 abnormal last round but only found out the sex of one due to the way the lab did the testing. I wish I knew what the other two were because I agree that it helps it helped with the grieving of those embryos.
On a lighter note, we got the freeze report today. Of our 9 from this cycle, 6 made it to blast and were biopsied & frozen. I'm just beside myself with gratitude. We should have results back in a week. I think I'll probably faint if we get more than 1 normal (but I'm a fainter anyways). I was hoping for a transfer before my insurance switched on 1 Jan but it's looking like that won't happen. Any viable embryos would make for a great ending to this year in my mind
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@PointeShoesTutus: what a great report! fingers crossed for you for good results in a week!
I've been thinking of you all weekend..
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