Hellobee Boards

I hate that people are leaving. I've been unaffected personally by any attacks or drama so this is all kind of over my head. I know HB is my happy place and I have so much love for it and all of you. It's sad to see people being mean and unhappy.

This place is still 1000x better in the state it's in than any other board I've ever seen though. Lol

I am soooooooo confused.

I feel like I'm pretty active on these boards, but I don't get at all what is going on. It kind of feels like people are taking things waaaaaaaay too personally on an on-line forum. Like who cares if someone doesn't agree with you or what you said? We all have different opinions on things. We all come from different backgrounds. I've felt attacked on these boards before too (and don't get me started on how much the GOMI ladies hate me), but who cares? These people don't REALLY know you. Why take things so personally?

Wait, what happened? I have no idea what's going on. It's a fine time to have a crazy work week, I guess.

@Adira: It's also like some people just seem to have fun being rude to other users. There's a difference between disagreeing and being rude/disrespectful to the person you disagree with. There are a lot of things I don't agree with that get said on HB. I've never been personally attacked on here but why would others want to keep coming here if every time they post someone is rude or disrespects them.

I mean, there was one user who said some pretty fucked up things sometimes and I cringed a lot. If she treated my threads like that I'd be gone in a heartbeat. This is the place I come for fun and advice...not to be disrespected.

I kind of wish we could all just flat out, bluntly state what upsets us. Include usernames even and get it all out. I feel like there's a lot of whispers behind backs and going to GOMI to express how fed up you are with someone or a certain aspect of HB. In a way I think that's worse. Maybe you're trying to maintain a positive environment on HB, but it builds a lot of anger and annoyance and then we have a big explosion like this.

Just my two cents. Not sure what it's worth.

@mrsjazz: Isn't this the whole reason the mute function was invented? If someone is constantly pissing you off, just friggin' mute them. I don't get getting all worked up over it. We don't ALL get along with everyone. Just ignore the people you don't like and move along! (This isn't meant to be directly at YOU in particular, MrsJazz. Just a generalization!)

@MrsTiz: I get what you're saying about it being ironic, but I'm completely unsurprised by some of the users who decided to deactivate their accounts. As soon as I read the "State of the Bee" I figured that those users that knew they were being flagged or were considered controversial would roll their eyes, decide people are being childish/sensitive (but not them, of course, just the people they've offended), and then give the Bee the finger, metaphorically speaking, by deactivating.

I have more to add on this general topic, but I'll have to come back.

@LindsayInNY: I am too, but please know it comes from a place of not wanting to forget where I have come from, and I lurk and pray for those still on that thread so I just let it be known at times, but I totally understand where you are coming from!!!!

@LindsayInNY: @LittleK: I really loved having graduates chime in on the TTC boards - especially folks who had been down similar trajectories as me. It was a reminder that there was at least the potential for things to turn out well and that I probably wouldn't be trying and struggling with menstrual pain forever.

@lilyofthewest: I get that but 7 cycles before a BFN is a different viewpoint than those of us at 17 or 27 or more cycles...

@Adira: True. I don't use the mute thread though because I just feel like it would be weird to be in a thread and miss some of the conversation if another user is muted. I'm glad the mute function is there for the users who want it but the users who are set in snark/rude mode should learn how to have some self-control.

@mrsjazz: I do agree with that. People should be able to disagree with someone without attacking them or being snarky. And if someone IS attacking/snarky, it would be nice if OTHER users didn't respond with "Agree 100%!" a million times. Even if the original person being snarked at deserved some of it, having a ton of people gang pile on someone is totally uncool.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I agree about the muting function. It's hard if someone is sometimes snarky/bitchy/mean, but other times offers meaningful advice/information that you want to hear. Honestly, I feel like people should try to ignore the stuff that bothers them and people should try not to be so snarky/bitchy/mean. It's hard though, and I've totally fallen victim to really listening to what people here have said about me and made me feel like crap. But I try to brush it off or talk it out with people I know will help build me back up.

@Adira: If we're being honest here, I hope you're including yourself in your own sentiments. That meme you posted this morning, and the ensuing high five type remarks, were pretty crappy. That was pretty hurtful to LadyBee.

@Danizaur: No hard feelings against anyone here!! The post is gone so I can't even go back to relive it or read back through who said what. I remember being surprised at who supported me and who didn't though. But it was all deserved! And I stuck around

@grizz: I am including myself in my remarks. After LadyBee's response, I realized my meme wasn't taken as it was intended. I was NOT trying to single her out AS the drama llama. I was trying to point out that the thread itself had taken a dramatic turn and MULTIPLE PEOPLE were involved in that. I was actually upset when LipGloss made the comment about it just taking one "llama" because it felt like she was saying LadyBee was the Drama Llama and that wasn't the intention of my post at all, which is why I didn't respond to her comment.

I'm sure we've all offended someone at one time or another and will be offended by someone else at some point (if we haven't already). That's just what happens on the internet when you can't tell tone or intention easily.

@Adira: I disagree, I think that the majority of people here don't offend people with their posts, nor are the majority often offended by posts.

It just takes a little care and editing to have posts come off as meaningful and personal without attacking another's veiwpoint. I wish more people would take the extra time to make sure their comments mean what they want them to mean before posting because I think many offensive posts are just a matter of poor editing.

@Ms.Badger: Agree. I am guilty of that at times. I have LO crawling all over me and I want to quickly post, it comes across as being not at all what I meant it to mean. I should take more time to really say what i'm trying to say.

@Ms.Badger: I wasn't trying to stay that we're all going about offending people left and right. Just that sometimes you say something or do something that you think is harmless and it's not until the backlash that you realize it wasn't. I don't think anyone (or I hope not at least) intentionally posts something with the intent of offending other people, but sometimes the way something is worded can be taken different ways since you can't read the tone of something or see the intention behind a post.

I don't know... I know that the majority of my posts are coming from a well-intended place, but there are people here who think I'm a big jerk. I don't get it.

@Adira: I think that there are quite a few regular users who post things knowing very well that what they are saying is offensive and/or hurtful. These ladies aren't unintelligent; I find it very hard to believe that some of the snarky posts I've read lately had innocent intentions behind them. It's really unfortunate, because this forum has been so great in the past.

@Adira: Some posts are made by mistake and a poster's intentions/tone is misread. I'm talking about what @PermaStudent: is--there is a small subset of users who seem to go out of their way to be snarky and rude. And those users would sometimes remind me why I left The Bump after a week.