Hellobee Boards

I do want to say, Re: money. Money and finances are always going to be touchy to some people. Scratch that, all people probably.

I don't mind at all when people spend more than I do, and make more than I do--that's the reality of the world. SOMEONE is always going to be making more and spending more, and just as many will be making/spending less. I'm totally fine with it. I don't want to muzzle people who are better off than I am, and I also want to encourage everyone to go ahead and post about your bargains! I mean to sometimes and then I just don't get around to it because I'm in the middle of something else. Like earlier today there was a thread of "the last thing you bought LO" and I went to the trouble of saving a picture of the last awesome shirt I got LO--a 2.99 striped Circo shirt on sale at Target. But I didn't get a chance to post it yet. I LOVE that shirt, and I love it more because it's $2.99.

I also really appreciate the people who post about budgeting and supermarket tips because I suck at grocery shopping cheaply in particular and I learn stuff from those threads.

I don't think people who make a lot of money should discouraged from posting about whatever $$$$ they bought recently, and I definitely don't want other people to stop posting about budgeting or money saving tips.

I also really dislike the "I want to set a good example for my kids by working/I want to be there for my kids by staying home" divide when it's worded in a way that makes it seem like a black/white or good/bad issue.

And...since we're getting it all out there...my own personal annoyance kryptonite lately has been the slew of posts about "having more than one child unless you have a bajillion dollars in the bank is irresponsible". I 100% support anyone's choice to have 1 child or 10 children, as long as they can provide the necessities (needs not wants) and love. I feel like the tone by a small group of very vocal posters there is alienating to a lot of people. Again, NOT because they want only 1 child. I really do think people should only have as many children as they 100% want---because having a kid/kids is HARD--but because other people may want more than 1 and it's okay that everyone is different. I just wish people could be more supportive of whatever kind of family planning happens, as long as the kids are taken care of and loved.

Then again, maybe I'm just overly sensitive.

@Anagram: Okay, so tell me honestly, since I have one child and am pretty vocal about it....have I made comments that have made you think I believe having more than one is bad financial idea? I don't think I have, but I feel like some of my comments where I might write that I was glad not to have to have finances be the overriding decision might lean in that direction.

I have avoided this thread mostly (but have been reading) because I can't articulate how I feel yet. Still thinking ...

However I really agree with what @Anagram just said " my own personal annoyance kryptonite lately has been the slew of posts about "having more than one child unless you have a bajillion dollars in the bank is irresponsible".
ETA: I have specifically started to post threads/comments recently and then decided not to, because of these comments. Maybe I should care less/be less sensitive, sure, but I have participated less on hellobee overall.

And, no @looch: I do not think you have made comments like that at all. I always find it very interesting when you post about your family/life and the choices you've made and I don't ever find your comments offensive.

@ladybee: there have been several comments that if you "dont see it" you're a part of it. I've been on HB a while, in waves of active and not active -- and I don't really think it feels any bitchier than it used to. But obviously I'm in the minority.

@looch: no, you haven't. I generally find your posts to be even keeled--probably because of your just dicussed detachment from this site, haha. Like I said, I don't mind when people want only 1 child--I have 1 brother with an only child, and 1 brother who is CBC and won't ever change his mind about that. I really am supportive of all those paths.

It's all in how you convey the message, you know? "I've always had a thing for sorbet over real ice cream" vs "people who eat ice cream are usually fat and unhealthy". Just...not a fan out sweeping blanket statements.

@scg00387: I see what you mean now. I don't think that makes you a mean girl.

@ShootingStar: I think you're right. And I do understand that...I've thought about it before myself. But why not create those threads to support each other without also denigrating the people who are choosing differently?

And again, it's only a couple of people. I think everyone else posts with very sincere and at time what I can tell are gut-wrenching decisions...should we stop at 1, should we have more?--help me figure out my own opinion by telling me your thoughts, kind of thing. I think that kind of stuff is great and why HB exists.

@looch: one other thing you do well is reminding us that money stuff needs to be put in perspective. Percent of income is a better indicator than using real dollars.

As a non-parent on this board I am feeling really bad for some of you. This mommy - wars thing is real. As much as a comment or two is consistently dropped in a parenting thread about respecting people's choices, I didn't know just how much some of these topics really sting.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I didn't realize how real mommy wars were and how personally I'd take it till I was pregnant. One of my co-workers (and a friend) actually told me, "you know he will never feel bonded with you since you refuse to breastfeed. think of him."

Oh ok, he's formula fed? Must be a serial killer in the making because his mother never bonded with him.

@looch: I have to constantly remind myself of starting salary and things like that. It's hard not to want what others have been then I remind myself that they may be 15 years older than me and they've worked their way there.

@looch: I am always fascinated by your posts. I often feel we have very different lives, but you always remind me that I may not understand what is going on in someone else's life.

I also agree that I find the "having more children is irresponsible' posts to get a bit old. I agree, I want to be responsible for my child's well-being, but by some accounts I am not sure that I would ever have enough money to have a child, let alone right now. Hand in hand with this, I don't like the thought that "we will make it work" is somehow irresponsible parenting. I don't happen to think it necessarily is. I know it isn't for everyone. Some people are planners more than others. I'm not, but that doesn't make me a bad parent. If I have a problem, I will.figure it out. We make it work because we have to.

@ladybee: yep, I truly feel you can boil every situation down to either money or time! I am almost 40, I've put in my time, I am enjoying my life, I make no apologies for that, you know?

@mrsjazz: I agree that it's been a bit lopsided lately. I'm terrible, terrible about like...starting things. But I sure wish "someone" would start posting more "what was your latest deal/score"--we used to get a lot of those.

Just to make it more even! (And you know, to give me a forum to humblebrag because I get lots of used/free goodies from my local mom group).

@looch: Eh, do we have to "belong" in threads to comment? I think anyone should be able to comment in any thread, as long as it's respectful and appropriate to the topic/audience.

@looch: We can agree to disagree. I won't take it personally ;).

I guess from my perspective... I tend to lurk and not say much these days. (Which is different from my last big period spent on HB during my TTC/IF/Pregnancy days in 2012/2013.)

I came back earlier this year and the vibe is a bit different... but that said - I'm also in a more sensitive place, after losing our recent pregnancy at 11 weeks. A lot of the boards are too much right now.. any hint of drama and I just leave.

Thanks to the lovely people who have welcomed me back & supported me through the loss - and I hope anyone else who's also lurking and avoiding posts can also feel welcomed. x

@Silva: Thank you, very well said, exactly what I meant but can't get out tonight.

@spaniellove: I mean come on, who says that stuff. You could never say to someone, "ew, I hate your new hair color. It makes your face look fat." It would be so rude and inappropriate and just mean. But people feel like pregnant women and moms are open targets. And why doesn't anyone tell DH he's doing things wrong? I never hear people criticizing him (not that I want them too, but why do men get a free pass?)

@jaguar: @Ms.Badger: At the end of the day, any annoyance I've experienced here on HB has been very low-level and petty and I know some of you are struggling with real and terrible circumstances and I feel a bit bad that you even have to read my small gripes. I've followed both of your stories =(

@Anagram: Don't feel bad. x Things happen - it's just I wish people would make the choice to not comment/get involved in stuff that they know will deliberately cause drama, ya know?