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Pregnancy After Loss Support Thread

  1. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1483 posts

    @bhbee: I'm anti-betas as well. My doctor's office did require one as confirmation of the pregnancy as well as to get a baseline of where I was at for purposes of scheduling the first ultrasound. They don't want to schedule it before a reading of 18,000. I told the nurse practitioner that unless they strongly suspected an ectopic, I wasn't going to do a second beta because I didn't want to start down some anxiety ridden beta path. I also booked my ultrasound for later than normal since I want to either know it is a go or it isn't isn't without a "wait and see" thing. With my blighted ovum, I had to wait for a week to see if things looked any different because it was possibly too early.

    Ugh. I hate early pregnancy! I'm 9 weeks this week and am finally going in for an ultrasound on Saturday.

  2. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @Shantuck: I’m with you - i haven’t called but i think my appt is going to be later than usual due to Christmas and it’s probably a good thing. But honestly with my last loss being at 11w I’m not going to really relax until after nipt. I’m hoping a busy time of year will make the time go by quickly!

  3. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3189 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: Yay, such wonderful news!!! So happy for you!

    @Shantuck: @bhbee: Thinking of you both in the time leading up to the first appt and sending so much sticky baby dust

    @bhbee: I know that experiencing a loss after seeing a hb makes it hard for that to mean much. I don't think I let myself think that maybe, possibly it could happen until after NIPT/NT scan. I did have a home doppler and was able to find the hb pretty regularly - checking a couple times per week - from eight weeks onwards. I know not everyone can find a hb before the end of first tri and it definitely caused some stress when I would check, but I think otherwise I may have managed to convince myself I was carrying around a dead baby (we didn't have any ultrasound between 6 and 12 weeks), so overall I think it was good for my mental health.

  4. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: congrats! That is wonderful news - you were on my mind all day. So happy for you!!!!

  5. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1995 posts

    @MaryM: Thank you! Glad to hear HB rate isn't as big of a deal as I made it out to be. He really didn't seem concerned-said it all looked good and he was happy.
    @periwinklebee: Thank you!!!@MrsJBeeG: Thank you so much! Hope you're starting to feel awful:-).

  6. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1995 posts

    @bhbee: Thank you!!! Glad to hear other OBs aren't worried about heart rate as much. Also, that's probably a good call on betas. I am glad (for me) I got them, but also know they can cause a lot of anxiety and worry when it won't make much of a difference anyhow. How did telling your husband go??

  7. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: sleeplessness is killing me these last few nights. I go to sleep well but then around 0200 I’m wide awake until it’s time to get up for work. Yesterday I was alone in my office - doing the work of three attorneys and it was awful being so tired.

    Has anyone else dealt with this in early pregnancy? Are there any good remedies? Probably just wait it out if I had to guess.

  8. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3189 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: This is one of my main early pregnancy symptoms - what helped me the most was rubbing some magnesium oil on my back. A bath in epsom salts (which are the same thing chemically as the magnesium oil) also helped. You have to be careful not to get the water too hot, but I don't like baths to be too hot and found it nice even with lukewarm water...

  9. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: may not be universal but i sleep far better with a sleep mask while pregnant. But generally yeah, part of the deal! Some people do well with half a unisom (also can help with nausea) but it makes me too under water the next day.

  10. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: telling him was exactly as awkward as expected but it’s done! It matched my expectations but we’re just not on the same page in early pregnancy. He immediately takes a more negative view (well how are we going to handle xyz?) or says things like “I’m glad it worked out the way you wanted”. I’m thinking wait a minute, you convinced me to keep trying!
    Sorry just venting - I’m actually totally fine with it at this point. If this baby becomes real he’ll get there.

  11. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1995 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Yep. Insomnia strikes me in early pregnancy, too. I find not looking at the clock helps, and trying to snuggle back into bed immediately after using the toilet also helps. Or, if I'm really tossing and turning, I'll turn on my kindle and try to read (which is how I wind down before sleep at night). It sucks. I'm sorry!
    @bhbee: Ugh. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, my husband has left a lot to be desired with this pregnancy, too. He was *sure* today's appointment would go well and has a very matter-of-fact opinion about it all. It's annoying. I know he'll love our little guy or girl if he/she arrives, but he could use some more empathy for sure!

  12. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @bhbee: my husband was sweet when I told him but then yesterday mentioned the pregnancy and said the same - I’m glad you got what you wanted. what?!??? It’s not like I had to twist his arm - he’s been fully on board most of this process. I wonder if it’s the difference in how male minds process things?

  13. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: thank you. I end up getting out of bed after tossing and turning for a few hours so that at least my DH isn’t disturbed too. One night I got back to sleep but the other two - never managed it. But if it leads to a healthy pregnancy - I’ll cope.

    @bhbee: I have a sleep mask - I may try it tonight. Won’t hurt anything. I would be afraid to take anything to help sleep - I react strongly (usually in a bad way) to medicines.

  14. MaryM

    pomelo / 5086 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: when I announced this pregnancy to DH, he said “congratulations!”

    I was like, what?!? Lol

  15. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MaryM: my husband says this too! He said it in February and i told him it was weird but it didn’t sink in because he said it again last night

  16. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3189 posts

    @bhbee: I'm sorry, my husband is like this too. I think there's a theme emerging here

  17. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @MaryM: @periwinklebee: @bhbee: I agree that this is some significant insight into men.

  18. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    Ladies please remind me how not to freak out about this i had been feeling pretty positive but today not so much.

  19. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3189 posts

    @bhbee: Be kind to yourself Early pregnancy is so stressful, especially after loss or IF, and on top of that pregnancy hormones are a beast. Plus, there are the normal life stresses and it's just a lot If you can't feel positive, we will be positive for you, I am so, so hopeful for you and your family...

  20. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @bhbee: I agree with @periwinklebee: we will be positive for you.

    To be honest the day after my clear positive (and the next one) I was a wreck. Doubted it, so nervous I felt slightly ill, really not in a good headspace about the positive. But with help of sweet HB ladies and starting to take it one day at time like @ChiCalGoBee: suggested; I’ve started to get into a calmer place about the pregnancy. And frankly you’ve been through a lot harder times than me (which I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through it) so i would say it’s okay to feel how you feel. 😘

  21. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    I had one frer left so I decided to use it this morning to see line progression. I am done peeing on sticks after this morning - hopefully for a long time - but I’m glad I did because this immediate dark line makes me feel happy.

  22. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    And now that I slept well last night - I guess I have to get out for my usual 60 minutes of cardio - changed from jogging to a brisk walk. Can’t use feeling like a zombie to skip it. 😜

  23. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: lovely test!

    and to you and @periwinklebee: thank you ladies I thought about it tonight and I think I've been pushing myself too hard to be positive and jump in - thinking that this is maybe the last time I'll ever be pregnant, I should go for it (and knowing that it'll hurt no matter what if things go wrong).

    But I realized that maybe I need to hold myself apart from it not because it will change the potential hurt, but because jumping right in is too hard from an anxiety standpoint. I know I should expect good days and bad in first tri but emotional distance is perhaps the healthiest thing for a while - especially if I can get through this first week.

  24. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1995 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Gorgeous line! Wahoo! Looking awesome
    @bhbee: Sending you so many hugs. I cannot begin to fathom the loss rollercoaster you've been on. Of course you're feeling anxious and worried. Of course you have good days and bad days. You've likely read this before, but my best friend (who has had two MCs and is pregnant with her second via IVF) shared this with me last week when my anxiety was through the roof. I found it helpful, and spent much of the article nodding my head and saying "yes" out loud. Leaving it here for any of you who might find comfort in it.


  25. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts


  26. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: ps go to http://help.hellobee.com and ask for an August due date board. I did it too but more requests can’t hurt. (All the posts are private so you can’t see anyone else’s.) I think we are pretty much due date twins (although mine may be earlier if they don’t move it from a long cycle - who knows)

  27. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: or maybe here? Guessing both go to the same person http://suggestions.hellobee.com

  28. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    @MaryM: Hi Mary - it was hard for me to accept that a baby could be coming home for us. We had living children and at the time our middle son was 2.5 and still in his crib and nursery. The plan was to move him in with his older brother and for them to room share. Baby was due June (well, actually early July but I knew he would be early like the others, and he was). End of April we finally moved middle child out of the nursery. I am not going to lie, I had a really hard time with it. I cried thinking about how how naive we were to move him and that nursery would be empty forever. I finally got out all of the baby gear and clothes, etc at the end of May. Baby came a few weeks later. This part is hard. I think it gets easier as you pass all of the milestones. For me, once I got to around 32 weeks, I finally started to believe that the baby could be coming home with us. Hang in there. Continued wishes for a very healthy pregnancy

  29. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3189 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Gorgeous line!

    @bhbee: I think this totally makes sense I feel like first tri especially, and pregnancy after loss in general, is really about survival - whatever allows you to go about the rest of your life with minimal anxiety, is the approach that's right for you...thinking of you and sending so much

  30. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @bhbee: thanks - I just sent a note to request one.

    That would be fun to be due date twins. I’ve said it a few times but having my HB friends is a godsend. My DH doesn’t want to hear about this stuff - he rolls his eyes (or did the last time) when I talk about symptoms. Maybe if I get far enough along to where he feels movement - then it would be real. Until then - I don’t think he gets it (or really wants to) but I need to share!!!

  31. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: yeah husbands are not good at first tri for sure

  32. MaryM

    pomelo / 5086 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: @bhbee: Beware...mine hasn't been so great at third tri either!

    He called me the other day to ask how I was doing because he didn't think I slept well. I said I was awful. My hips were so sore and I couldn't lay down for more than two hours at a time.

    Then he complained about how he was sore too. From lying in bed watching sports for 12 hours on Sunday.

    We had a bit of a serious talk that night about showing compassion! The week before, as I hobbled out of the car after a long commute home, he complained to me for an hour about how much his toe hurt. His TOE!

    I'm not sure who I'm more frustrated with...him for not realizing how insane it is for him to complain about petty things to me right now, or his mother for never stopping him from complaining (our biggest issue is that my mother, a nurse, taught me not to complain. So I mention pain once or only if asked about it, but I won't dwell on it. But OMG he can be such a baby!)

  33. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @MaryM: sending you a hug - I think we have the same MIL

  34. MaryM

    pomelo / 5086 posts

    BUT to be fair...he's been better since I broke down in tears the other night

  35. Mrs. Champagne

    coconut / 8198 posts

    @MaryM: after my c section my husband gave himself a foot bath and was complaining about a blister (that he got from running with no socks on) my mom and I were dying at how ridic he was being and still don't let him live it down. They can be such babies.

    Joining in here ladies. Just over 6 weeks. This is my 5th time being pregnant and I've got two kids. Hopefully this is Baby three. My last MC was this summer. Both of my miscarriages have been found at a 8-9 week ultrasound with babies that had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Hoping this time is different, but at this point I'm basically just pretending I'm not even pregnant so I don't get my hopes up.

  36. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 533 posts

    @MaryM: I think we might have related husbands! My DH can be such a wuss about minor pains. I too was raised in a house that didn’t tolerate complaining so I sometimes long to tell him to put in his big boy pants and deal with it.

  37. MaryM

    pomelo / 5086 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: The thing that REALLY gets me...is when I complain to my mom about his complaining. She loves him so much she tells me to go easy on him. I'm like...WHAT?? She NEVER would have put up with this! lol

  38. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4174 posts

    @Mrs. Champagne: sending you good vibes to get through the next few weeks!

  39. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1995 posts

    @Mrs. Champagne: Welcome! Thinking of you. I find the wait between BFP and first appointment to be interminable. When is your appointment?

    I'm so thrilled to have seen the little bean/beanette Monday and thought it would make the time fly by until our next peek on 12/22. Nope. Time is still crawling. Shouldn't the craziness of the holidays make the days speed by?!

  40. Mrs. Champagne

    coconut / 8198 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: my first appointment is Friday. It will just be a check in - they don't actually have ultrasound machines at doctors offices here. So I'll get the referral for the US hopefully next week. I'm a bit worried because usually it takes a couple weeks to get in for an ultrasound here, and waiting until 9 weeks to find out I've miscarried at 6 isn't something I want to deal with for a third time. So I hope they can get me in next week (I'm away the following week, then it's Christmas) and we can see a heart beat. I should be about 7 weeks then.

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