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Pregnancy After Loss Support Thread

  1. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    How is everyone doing?

    I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Tuesday (36 weeks), which will be our first since the anatomy scan at 18 weeks. I'm trying to be zen and remind myself that at this point things are in our favor, but every time I think about it I want to (or do) cry. I was measuring a little small at my 34 week appt so the doctor wanted to check baby's size, but said not to be concerned since it was within the margin of error. But still... I had more ultrasounds for my non-viable pregnancy than I have for this pregnancy - each time finding something new wrong - so I think in my mind still an ultrasound is something where you find out your baby is dying, not a fun chance to see the baby. I've been sleeping poorly due to a horrible cold and work has been stressful, so it's not helping my mental state. Can it be Christmas already?

  2. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 435 posts

    @periwinklebee: pregnancy is so hard - no matter what stage. I will be praying for you and that Tuesday goes well.

    I’m hanging in here - sleeping a bit better most nights (thank you magnesium supplements) but such sore breasts and nausea in the afternoon and evenings. I have my first - early - ultrasound on Monday so I’m starting to feel a bit more scared of bad news.

  3. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @periwinklebee: @MrsJBeeG: hugs to you ladies ultrasounds are so stressful. Every once in a while i wonder if i should ask for one early and then i think - at this point I’d rather not know. I’ll still be a wreck in January when it comes.

    And @periwinklebee: truly that last month is pretty awful. So excited at how close you are!!

    I’m mostly just hanging around. I took my last (for real this time) test last night and it was good, i know if i take anymore it’s risking an inaccurate result that will freak me out, so now it’s just wait. At 5w+ I’m starting to feel it more and more, which in a way is comforting, but then i think “you were probably on track at this point last time too”. Overall though I’m relatively zen and hopefully can stay that way over the break.

  4. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1845 posts

    @periwinklebee: I will be thinking about you on Tuesday. I'm sure feeling baby move is a reassurance, so focus on that.
    @MrsJBeeG: Sorry you're feeling poorly, but glad you get to take a peek on Monday to see how everything looks. I'll be thinking about you!
    @bhbee: Thrilled for your increasingly positive tests! Yes, I made the mistake of taking one at 6.5 weeks this time for reassurance and didn't know about the so-called "hook effect" and had a horrible experience when it wasn't as dark as it had been a week prior. Hope the time passes quickly until your first appointment!

    I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and grateful but still terrified. A week from tomorrow I see my OB again and get another peek to hopefully see a baby with an HB measuring on track. If all looks good I'll also do all the first trimester blood work, which is a huge step. So hoping for good news so I can really enjoy the holiday season.

  5. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: @ChiCalGoBee: Thinking of you with the scans next week, I know it is super nerve wracking

    @MrsJBeeG: Magnesium has saved my sleep during pregnancy. I'll take a lukewarm bath with epsom salts before bed, or use a little bit of magnesium oil, and when I don't do this inevitably sleep is worse...

    @bhbee: Sending lots of good vibes for continued calm. I think it's hard too when you have had loss at different points in pregnancy (I don't even know how people with later term losses cope), because even once you get past dealing with the nerves that this time will be like one of your losses - i.e. a chemical - you know very personally a whole different way that things can go wrong... I really hope the holidays are a good distraction and that your appointment is here before you know it

  6. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: tell me about these magnesium supplements ... and good luck tomorrow!
    Also I’m starting to think i should just start the August board - might as well enjoy it while i can, even if things don’t go well, right? You can hide boards i think, if it comes to that?

  7. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 435 posts

    @bhbee: I’m taking nature made magnesium - I think it gives you 63% of your daily magnesium needs. I talked to my bestie who’s an OB/GYN and she said that amount of magnesium (plus the 10% in my prenatal) will not hurt a baby. She said the other option is unisom - I don’t like sleep aids so I’ve been sticking with magnesium. I think it works best when I take it in the morning - I sleep best those nights vs the days I take it later in the day - I don’t sleep as well. I forgot today so I’m guessing I won’t sleep as well as I have the last few nights. Could be all mental but it’s working for me. 🤣

    I hate that there isn’t an August due date board - I’ve had many thoughts that I’d post such and such. I was going to start it but worried that it would be mentally hard for me later on if something happened to my pregnancy. Selfish but I decided to keep hoping HB would start one soon!

  8. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1845 posts

    @bhbee: @MrsJBeeG: I think Mrs Bee just mentioned Mr Bee was in a bad accident and is pretty hurt from it . I think he usually starts them. But our July board was started by one of the moms on it so you should definitely start it up! I was able to hide my previous due date board from my miscarriage when it was for me hard to look at. Fingers and toes crossed for you both! Good luck at your scan tomorrow, @MrsJBeeG: ! I’ll be thinking of you.

  9. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

  10. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Thinking of you tomorrow!

  11. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 435 posts

    Hi ladies! Wanted to share - I had a very good scan. It was early (I’m not 6 weeks yet) but we saw a properly sized gestational sac and yolk sac on the scan. Doctor couldn’t see the embryo yet but wasn’t surprised since it is early. He seemed very pleased with the scan. And based on his brutal honesty during my last scan related to my miscarriage - I believe he would have told me if he had concerns.

    I feel so relieved and content. Going back for a follow up scan on 4 Jan which puts me at 8 weeks so hopefully we see wonderful progression. I am now breathing easier and going to enjoy the holidays. I’m very grateful as my original due date was 26 December and while I know I’ll be very sad that day - I will still feel the hope of a happy and healthy August baby to help me get through that day.

  12. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Yay, such awesome news!!!!!!!!

  13. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: due dates are definitely still weird even when you have hope again. I just decided to re download the bump app and it pops up with “here’s what your 2 month old is doing”. Thanks for the reminder that i don’t have one! Thankfully I’m not too emotional today so no big deal but it’s hard to escape sometimes.

  14. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 435 posts

    @bhbee: that would be hard. So many ladies in here have gone through so much and have such strength - I’m awed. I know being pregnant, having a good early scan and hope for this one will help me next week. I also know I wold have coped if I wasn’t pregnant - I just feel blessed to have hope right now.

    Which is funny that I feel blessed since it’s 4:00am here, I’ve been awake for two hours and fighting crummy waves of mild (thankfully) nausea. And I have to leave my toasty warm guest room to go pee, again. 🤪

  15. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    Scan today went well! Despite my belly measuring on the small side, looks like baby is growing right on track at the 47th percentile, and everything else looked great. He's head down, with his feet right on top of his face, which explains why my left hip keeps getting attacked . Platelets are still dropping so I probably won't be able to have an epidural, but at this point I absolutely don't care about the L&D experience as long as there's a healthy baby at the end.



  16. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 435 posts

    @periwinklebee: so glad your scan went well! Awesome news.

  17. MaryM

    GOLD / grapefruit / 4878 posts

    @periwinklebee: Glad scan went well!

    Have you read any of Ina May Gaskin's books? The more I read, the more I think a natural birth might be possible (if my stubborn baby will turn over!)

    The nurse who taught our birth class this weekend was also pretty pro-low-intervention...so I'm hoping our doctor will be on board with that!

    I'm not totally anti-epidural, I think I just want to see what my body can do. I tend to have a high pain tolerance, but realize I have NO idea what to expect child birth wise! But I'd rather have a quicker natural birth than be one of those people that stalls when they get an epidural placed.

  18. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @MaryM: I haven't read that one but I should. I did read one called "Natural Hospital Birth." The impression I get is that if you can relax enough so that you're not working against your own body, going the natural route is helpful in that you can try different positions to move things along if they stall, can move around sooner after delivery to aid recovery, etc, plus can avoid the risks of an epidural, which in most cases are low but not always.

    Mostly I'm hoping to avoid a c-section, as I've heard it can be pretty bad with low platelets: the risk of hemorrhaging is higher, you have to be put under, and apparently the choice of pain meds is limited. Hopefully I'm not woefully unprepared, as we didn't take any natural childbirth classes, but at the same time I know there's only so much you can do and it is mostly about the baby's position...

  19. MaryM

    GOLD / grapefruit / 4878 posts

    @periwinklebee: I'm about halfway through her Guide to Childbirth, and have read the kindle preview of Spiritual Midwifery. The guide has a ton of birth stories that I feel like give a good idea of what different things can happen.

    We didn't take a specifically "natural" birthing class, but the nurse who taught our class referenced Ina May several times. I was afraid my doctor would think she was a quack or too much of a hippie (she can be a little out there at times), but hearing a nurse that I know has worked with my doctor talk about her favorably made me feel like her methods were somewhat validated.

  20. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @periwinklebee: yay for a good scan!! My two rainbows were med-free (hospital) births. It's not easy but for most people it's possible! And I felt like superwoman after. I think one of the biggest things we got out of natural childbirth classes (we did Bradley) was both of us getting really familiar with the process so we didn't freak out when things got intense. Sending you all good wishes as you get close

  21. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @MaryM: Definitely going to check this out over the holiday break!

    @bhbee: Thank you I feel like I have a reasonable sense of what to expect, but I need to work on getting more information to my husband...

  22. MaryM

    GOLD / grapefruit / 4878 posts

    @periwinklebee: has your DH been to a birthing class with you? I highly suggest it!

  23. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @MaryM: No, we probably should have made time for it but the course at our hospital got lackluster reviews and I never got around to looking up a private one

  24. MaryM

    GOLD / grapefruit / 4878 posts

    @periwinklebee: I found ours on yelp

  25. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1845 posts

    Hi all, I had a great 10-week appointment. Baby looked good with a steady 160 HB. I know I’m not out of the woods yet but I’m feeling really positive and hopeful. Thinking of you all and hopeful everyone is feeling good and positive over the holidays to come. Thanks for your support!

  26. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: glad to hear it!

  27. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: Awesome news!!!!

  28. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1845 posts

    @bhbee: @periwinklebee: Thanks, ladies!

  29. math.nerd

    cherry / 176 posts

    Hello there! Tentatively chiming in after lurking for a while. I got my BFP over the holiday weekend and, while I'm thrilled, I'm also walking on eggshells and feel like I will be for the next 9 (hopefully!) months!

    I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks around this time last year. And my son (almost 4yo) was born at 31w1d after my water broke at 28 weeks!

    I'm tentatively optimistic about this go round, but I just don't know if I'm going to be able to shake the nerves! Any advice on focusing on the positive at each step of the way rather than what could go wrong??

    Thanks all! Happy and Healthy to everyone!

  30. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1845 posts

    @math.nerd: Welcome! I'm so sorry about your MMC before. That must have been so hard. My fingers and toes are crossed for a healthy 9 months for you and your little bean.

  31. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @math.nerd: congrats!! I’m also trying to navigate first tri after a mmc and other losses. My line i keep thinking to myself is that i might as well enjoy everything i can because not doing so will not make it hurt any less if things go wrong. I still freak out of course, but I’m thinking happy thoughts too. Sending you lots of sticky dust for a healthy pregnancy!

  32. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @math.nerd: Congrats, such wonderful news!

    It can be sooo hard to shake the nerves. I mostly have tried to stay busy/distracted, and savor good news when it comes. I think during first tri it actually helped when symptoms set in, not because I believed symptoms would make a loss less likely (I had a loss later in first tri with tons of symptoms), but just because I had that much less energy to worry about things

    Sending so many good thoughts for a healthy nine months.

  33. math.nerd

    cherry / 176 posts

    @bhbee: Yes! I like this line of thinking - I may as well be happy when there's good news and deal with bad new if/when it comes. It's sort of the story of my anxious little life - trying to learn that lesson Very good luck to you too!

    @periwinklebee: The busy shouldn't be a problem. I'm a CPA and my first trimester dates basically exactly cover my busiest time of year. It could be a nightmare because I need to be on my A game, but I'll think of it as a blessing because it'll keep me distracted!
    And YES about the symptoms thing - last year I was still throwing up every night between the time I found out the baby had no heartbeat and my D&C. RUDE!

  34. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @math.nerd: Ugh, I hope both first tri and the busiest work time fly by! And yeah, I had a similar experience...waiting a week for my RE's schedule to line up with the OR schedule so he could do the D&E felt like an eternity...

    @bhbee: Only a week left until your first scan, right? Thinking of you and hoping the holidays have been a fun distraction...

  35. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @periwinklebee: good memory! I think overall the holidays have been a good time to get through things. Although at my in laws where we just sit around all day all i could think of was how sick i felt

  36. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @bhbee: Ugh, I hope the MS starts to get better soon...yuck

  37. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    I have been doing pretty well being positive but this last week mark before my dating scan has brought up more negativity. I keep thinking about what can go wrong at this stage or worse further on. Today I saw a cute Christmas sleeper on clearance so i decided to buy it. Maybe it will get worn, maybe it will get donated amidst tears, but i am giving this all i can.

  38. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 435 posts

    @bhbee:

  39. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2354 posts

    @bhbee: I'm sorry, the uncertainty sucks, and the constant sickness doesn't help at all. It's 100% normal to feel really down about it all sometimes, definitely cut yourself some slack. I hope the next few days fly by...

  40. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @periwinklebee: it’s clearly getting to me as I’ve started to have dreams about loss that are way too real

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