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Have you told your sister before about how you feel?!
It's hard but I think if you are uncomfortable then by all meams keep her home for the night!

@JennyD: it's so hard, I have a hard issue with a family member too, I think it might have caught your sister off guard but if you felt uncomfortable better to tell the truth now instead of cover ups that might lead to her being more hurt later on

You're not overreacting. He walks past her and just shoves her?! I would absolutely not let him watch my kid.

I do agree with @Corduroy that you should stick to things you've observed, not just a general dislike.

What a tricky situation - sorry you're having to deal with this.

I totally understand where you're coming from, and think you have to go with your mama instinct on this...if something doesn't feel right, then it makes sense not to have your DD alone with your brother in law, and it doesn't matter if others think you are overreacting. But as others are saying, I think you have to expect that this will be really hurtful to your sister. I'd be crushed if a close friend or sibling told me they don't trust my DH with their kids - if you can site specific behaviors that upset you, I think that might help ease the tension.

But to your point that if you were to offer to watch your sister's kids, you wouldn't leave them with your husband...I think that's probably a very family by family thing. It may sound hokey, but my husband and I really do parent as a unit. Particularly on a weekend, it's very likely that we'll be switching off all day so each adult gets some me time - I go to the gym and pick up groceries on the way home, he goes for a run or mows the lawn....I would assume that if I left my kids with a friend or family member, all adult members of the household capable of caring for kids would do the same sort of handoff...but I guess that the definition of "capable" is the issue in this case.

Those can't put your finger on creeps I would pay attention to.

Since you saw what I wrote I edited to delete the personal details.

@JennyD: totally go with your gut on this one. if it makes you uncomfortable the way he treats your kids, then it probably makes them uncomfortable too and they might not know how to say it.

Family or not, my child wouldn't be spending time in his presence without me there. I don't really care if that made anyone upset either and wouldn't feel the need to tiptoe around the issue. Who shoves a kid?!?!

I too, understand since she's probably on the defensive. But trust your gut and your mommy instincts!

First, go with your gut. I have the creeps just reading this. Who likes to scare little girls and shoves them? I'm surprised your LO even wants to go over there.

Second, why did your mom and sister want to have this big sleepover if they ended up having to work?

@JennyD: I worry about this too, teaching my kids to be assertive and say NO in the right context when they are uncomfortable with someone's presence or actions. I definitely think you did the right thing putting it out there to your sister about how you feel - I'm sure being married to your BIL she is aware of his personality/attitude as well.

Im not saying these two things are connected in any way, but so many children are abused by family members and people they know, so mummy's gut instinct ALWAYS!!