Hellobee Boards

@codeitall: what's worked for us is to make decisions for our family. So we will say things like "we will be eating st home at 6. If you'd like to join please let us know by 5:30 so we can make extra food".

@codeitall: Some families are just like that! I used to try and save the day but as a parent now, I'm a big believer in natural consequences. So if they want to be indecisive, I'm fine with them ending up staying at home or ordering in!

We also announce what our insular family is doing and invite everyone else to participate or not.

I have this in my family and I've found that either super-structured activities (dinner reservation at X Restaurant at 7pm) that can't be wiggled around, or super unstructured activities (hanging out at someone's house on a weekend afternoon) where there's no pressure to get organized or actually DO anything, are the only solutions that don't drive me insane.

I can see how it works for the pp's, but I personally don't like the "my family is doing xyz, come if you want to come" because then you still get dragged along for their annoying hemming and hawing process.

as for the "currently ambivalent"--being flaky isn't the same thing as the back-and-forth over specifics like pizza vs thai food, but I'd seriously stop making an effort if I felt like I was on the receiving end of that bullshit. bah, families are so much harder than friends!

I just make the decisions or regret it if I don't. I have one aunt that is completely structured and needs one week advance notice just to swing by to drop off presents and my other aunt can't even decide which travel transportation she will use to stay ??? before her plane takes off. So it is interesting to say the least in my family. I have to be the planner for my mom. She is too wishy washy. Plans can be so painful for my family. But so can having no plans. I have finally grown to embrace being 'the planner.'

This would make me crazy! I would probably just think to myself that if they want to spend their entire visit doing nothing because they can't get their at together then that's fine with me.

I can sympathize.

I would just make your plans and tell them what you're doing and where you will be. They can come along or not. But just give them notice so they know what you're up to and put the ball in their court. Sorry, I know that can be frustrating.

I try to keep what BROWNEPIANO said in mind. They just don't remember what it is like having a toddler, they are not intending to be so super annoying (even if I am silent screaming in my head).
I just try and prioritize my kid's eating and sleeping needs. When we are at my in-law's house, I'll scope out the pantry and fridge and have some ideas for quick meals for the LOs. Sometimes it will just be a snack plate (fruit, veggies, crackers & cheese, hummus, etc. but I think that's fine for the occasional dinner). My kid gets served dinner at their normal time, regardless of what everyone else is doing.
My husband and I will just suck it up and wait until a decision is made or whatever even if we are turning hangry.
Things have gotten better (in part because there were a few instances where the ramifications of not planning where that hubs or I would have to skip going out to dinner because it simply got too late for the LO).

@codeitall: you just described my family. It is infuriating. The most popular suggestion here, make a plan and offer for them to join or not, hasn't worked great for us. They say, "oh, I thought the point was to spend time together since we are all here."

They often decide that picking up take out would be easier than cooking, but it takes them an hour minimum just to decide what to order! The hemming and hawing drives me bananas. We could have cooked and eaten already!

This is also the reason why we always drive separately. I've been stuck out with them in indecision mode so many times where a short trip turned into hours longer. Thank goodness we now have car seats as solid excuses for driving separately.