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@coopsmama: Agreed! Makes me super uncomfortable!

We don't spank, but know others that do. One of my fears about who to leave my kids with (babysitting or as a legal guardian in the event something happened to us) is that others would spank them despite knowing we don't.

@Mrs. Lion: when I went through my adoption home study the social worker asked us questions about what discipline method we would use and if we would spank. I'm fairly confident they can't take your child away for spanking, but it definitely seemed like something that was considered inappropriate. They definitely couldn't come take DD back since embryos are considered property and she legally belonged to me before she was born.

We don't/won't. I don't think I know anyone that does.
The legislation here is very specific about what is allowed (no spanking children under two or over twelve, no humiliation, etc.) There is talk of new legislation to outlaw spanking.

I will never spank. Ever.

Honestly, I don't know anyone who does. Maybe it's just not a thing among my group of friends. I don't feel like it "teaches" the children anything other than being scared of discipline/consequences. I believe there is a difference between being consistent/having boundaries and being scared of the discipline your parents might use on you.

The issue I have with spanking is setting an example for my son - we have had issues with him hitting kids at school and sometimes during temper tantrums at home he flails his arms and hits us. We have to continue to remind him hands aren't for hitting, it's not okay, etc. If we spanked him, what kind of message would that send?

@caterw: Just curious, if you were trying to teach a child not to hit, why would you hit(spank) them? Doesn't that seem kind of hypocritical. I just want to understand. I just can't think of a situation where that would be the most effective form of punishment, but I only know my child and how she behaves.

I am pretty judgemental of spanking. It is culturally foreign to me.

At one point I was making some Zero Tolerance comments about spanking in front of my MIL and she got really defensive. I forgot that my in-laws did that with my husband somewhat regularly. She didn't mention her own behavior; she just kept telling me things like, "You don't know what it's like to deal with a small child who is misbehaving."

Well now I have a strong-willed 2yo and I still have never seen a need to spank him. I am glad I had a chance to me clear about my feelings because she would not like my reaction if she ever pulled that with my son. At least she was warned in advance.

As far as I know, none of my friends spank their children.

No spanking here. Besides its obvious lack of effectiveness, its endorsement of violence and a law/order mentality, and its clashing with our ethos, I also just don't want to spank, because once it's done I could never go back to how it was before. My son and I would always know, and I couldn't live with that.

My parents spanked us, and I still remember it, and I haven't forgiven them for it.

Most of our friends, from what I can gather, are anti-spanking too.

@turquoisemama: To clarify, I don't consider hitting and spanking to be the same thing. Hitting is being mean or done out of anger. Spanking is a controlled method of discipline that works very well for my child, when used sparingly and in an age appropriate way. I think that whacking my kid on the leg when she is hitting me teaches her nothing, but a calm spanking followed by a talking to of why she got the spanking does a ton of good. If I am super mad at DD, I give both of us a time out and walk away until I am in control of my emotions. I also think that if I spanked frequently or for any little reason, it would lose a lot of it's meaning- DD gets a spanking probably 2-3 times a month. She gets loss of privileges like dessert or TV and a time-out or two before a spanking unless she does something extremely dangerous that requires immediate discipline (running away in a parking lot for instance). It's effective for my kid- she gets that it's a consequence for doing something really bad and we always hug it out afterwards. She apologizes for doing whatever it was that warranted the spanking and I tell her that I'm sorry it had to come to a spanking and I would prefer for her to just listen to me the first time so I didn't have to do it.

@coopsmama: ugh, the only thing I think of when I witness someone spanking in public is what happens behind closed doors when no one is watching?!

The more I think about it, the more I don't like the idea...and I didn't like it before. Slapping someone on the ass for misbehaving...it's so degrading. I wish people would respect their children more.

I know lots of people who do. I was spanked like 3 times growing up and slapped by my mother a couple of times as a teenager. Pretty sure I deserved them all. It was a last resort act from my mother (who is seriously a saint) when she had reached the end of her rope. My husband was spanked for everything. I'm definetly more in the "no to spanking" group, and my husband was all about it until he actually had a child. Now he still feels it's an option, but in extreme situations, like dangerous situations or blatant disrespect. DS is 4 and it hasn't happened yet, but it's still on the table if need be

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think there is a big difference between making a joke about a stinky baby diaper or changing an infant in public and hitting a kid on the butt. You could maybe make that argument for shaming a toddler about a dirty diaper. However I do agree with you that I can't believe t is usually done in a very calm manner like they say.

We don't. I sure as hell have wanted to but I know it wouldn't be good for us. Dh would do it in an extreme case (pushing her sister into the street type). But not as a regular punishment.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Yes! I mean sometimes you gotta change the diaper in public, but I always hide as much as possible. You never know who is watching. Or when people post embarrassing stuff about poop and potty training on Facebook-I hate it.

I just love the moral gymnastics people go through to distinguish 'spanking' from 'hitting'. No. You are choosing to cause your child physical pain. Would you choose to do that to your husband? How about your dog?

I won't do it. I was spanked as a child and it never made sense to me, why it was ok for my parents to hit me but not for anyone else to hit each other. When my parents spanked me, it was done in a controlled way and never left a mark, yet some of my most vivid memories from childhood are of the anticipation of being spanked, the combination of dread and rejection... That's not what I want my kids to look back and remember.

I do think it can be an effective method in the SR to elicit obedience, but to me that does not outweigh the potential longer-run costs. There are huge cultural differences, though. I remember in college talking to a friend who also came from a conservative part of the U.S. about punishments as a kid - spanking, getting your mouth washed out with soap for talking back, etc. Our friend from a more liberal part of the U.S. was convinced we were abused, and we were like - "nope everyone does it". Then our friend from China started telling us how she was discipline as a kid, and WHOA.

I can't think of anyone who does as part of their parenting. I'm sure there's been people who have swatted or spanked their kid before but I can't think of anyone IRL who does as a part of parenting or has admitted to it.

When I did the big brother/sister organization in grad school, my 'little sister' had a brother who was about 10, he was close to his moms size and she was a single mom. She had utilized spankng pretty heavily and really had no clue how to deal with him now that she couldn't use it anymore (though she still tried). It was horrible to watch and listen to. That pretty much cemented iny head that kids need to learn self control, self responsibility and thinking for themselves from an early age bc once they're big, they're not all of a sudden going to have magically matured and i can't see what lesson is learned from spanking except negative ones.

I spanked DD once, and never again. It's just not okay to hit another person, and I did it out of anger and that's about me, not her.

None of my friends spank their kids. My in-laws, who just got custody of my niece, threatened to spank her at dinner the other night and it kind of shocked me.