Hi everyone. This is long, I apologize. No one in my life really gets this like this HB community does.... As usual I'm not sure where to turn so I thought I'd reach out for either commiseration or advice.
(Background: reproductively I have a lot of things stacked against me. I'm 34 with Diminished ovarian reserve. FSH and AMH almost off the charts bad. Did the whole RE/ IUI injectables etc. Had a miscarriage at 8 weeks last summer. D&C really threw off my cycles for months. BUT I have gotten pregnant twice naturally when my RE said it would be very unlikely! so I believe it can happen again. I have a perfect little 2 year old.)
My problem is that I simply cannot get pregnant when I actively try. I'm sure you've heard this story before... I am very type A. Both times I conceived I was (pretty) relaxed and had "given up." That will never, ever happen to me because all I want is one more baby and cannot simply "stop trying". My family is not complete. I wouldn't say TTC completely consumes me but I think about it a lot. I've learned to manage the ups and downs of months of BFNs but I do have one day of real depression.
I do not enjoy sex. After 3 years of infertility and loss I can't just "have fun" and "relax". It's not fun at all. My husband is wonderful and understanding but sex is not enjoyable.
I stopped OPKs and checking CM etc, it made me even more stressed and controlling. We just have sex every other day for like a week and a half. I cannot have more sex than that.
I take vitamin supplements, do meditation, use light therapy, and see a therapist. None of this has really helped me "let go". And now I'm convinced I will never get pregnant because I want it too desperately. I have 5 friends in the same situation unable to get pregnant because they are trying desperately.
So what do I do? If we "take a break", I won't want to have sex because it's not enjoyable. Adoption is not a desirable option for us.
Tl:Dr: is it possible to get pregnant if you are really trying? How can I "stop trying" and relax?
Any help is appreciated.