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Have you considered seeing an RE?

I got pregnant when I was really trying and also have a DOR. I honestly felt desperate and that my family was not complete. I was paying a ton for weekly acupuncture, on a special fertility diet, etc. With DOR, I was told that it was going to be a perseverance game by the RE I consulted with. I have had repeated losses which have all been related to chromosomal issues. After 14 months of obsessively trying, I did get that rainbow baby and now I’m getting ready to start this long journey again to try for a third. Obviously, you would know best if a break would help you get to a better place emotionally but if there is any way to actively try but also find some ways to focus on taking care of yourself (planning a vacation, exercising, plan a fun day out with a girlfriend, watching a funny movie, etc) i’d try that. I would guess with your DOR, it may take awhile and you may need to recalibrate expectations, etc. Also, both REs I saw said sex every other day during your fertile period is sufficient so don’t beat yourself up about not being able to do more than that. I’d consider acupuncture and vitamins to help with egg quality and seeing an RE to discuss options. It’s a hard place to be in. I’d try to remain optimistic and remind yourself this is likely a perseverance game.

@pachamama: totally get it. It's hard to find time when you have a little at home.

I'm trying to have the mindset that it would be ok if we only have one. She's loved and has lots of friends so if it isn't meant to be its ok.

And just curious why you wouldn't consider adoption? That's our back up plan if a second bio doesn't happen

The last cycle where I successfully got pregnant, I put my obsessing into other things - I did the Whole30 diet and did a 30 day yoga challenge (from Yoga with Adriene). I started going to acucpuncture to deal with my anxiety and wrist issues and asked them to do some fertility points too. It helped me to have something else to obsess over instead of my chart.

I do really recommend acupuncture, especially if you can find a community acupuncture place - it is pretty affordable (like $25).

I would also suggest putting some effort into making sex more enjoyable for a month, rather than focusing on trying - maybe a membership to OMG Yes or a different "program" to improve things?

I don’t think it’s trying too hard or anything else you are doing that is preventing pregnancy, dor just really sucks and makes it a long waiting game over which you have little or no control. If a break would help you feel better, I would go for it.

@pachamama: The RE told me I had the ovaries of a 42 year old at 35 (great bedside manner!) and that my DOR meant that less eggs meant lower odds of a good one being released. It’s possible you’re ovulating each month if your cycles are regular but you are going to need time to catch a good one. ETA: My RE used the analogy of a pint of blueberries. Mine was 1/4 full where other women my age had one that was 3/4 full. There were a few good blueberries left but not as many as someone whose container was almost full. But the good news is that there still may be some good ones.

I agree you’re not doing anything wrong ... it’s just time and it’s luck as described above. I’m 36 and have had issues with IF and loss throughout my time trying. Second sticky baby took us twice as long as the first. Last year at 35 we decided to try for a third. I got pregnant the first month which seemed too good to be true! And sadly that baby ended in a d&c at 11 weeks ... bad chromosomes. It took me about 9 months from the d&c to see another bfp. That was pretty hard to deal with while it was happening and we almost quit but got lucky on our last or maybe next to last try. You never know, I certainly didn’t do anything special. Anything you can do to help your own mental / emotional coping is great but I don’t think it changes the outcome on the test. I also find it helpful to minimize the forced bd ... if you have pretty similar cycles maybe that’s a thought. I almost always ovulate cd15-19 so I start opk and every other day bd on cd14. When I see a positive we do that night and the next and then quit forcing it. Some months that’s 3x (as it was this last bfp) some more or less and as long as we hit that opk+ day I feel good about it. It would stress me more to not test. Even if we are tired and life is crazy 2-4x in a short span seems doable. I also find I’m way better at bd at say 8pm than 10pm so we really do schedule it those days and work brought home or whatever is on the to do list has to move.

I think you have to go back to enjoying intimacy with your husband. Like a few posters stated figure out what is best in this area. Focus on that part and things will stem from there!

Take a break and enjoy each other, your 2 year old and go from there!

@pachamama: The cycle I got pregnant with J I Oed on CD35. My most irregular cycle ever. And we were so done BDing at that point. We got a bit tipsy and ended up with J. I'm crossing my fingers that you have the same luck!

I have a friend whose AMH was undetectable and her cycles became really erratic. She started doing acupuncture and her cycles returned and became regular again (and after several failed ivf cycles, she conceived naturally). If you can swing it, I’d definitely look into acupuncture. I also think it helped me calm down and feel like I was doing something about my issues.

@Shantuck: Just saw your response!!

@pachamama: I agree with others that it seems like a waiting game for you until you catch the "right egg." I am so sorry for your loss.

@2PeasinaPod: That's beautiful. Are you doing this through an organization?

@crazydoglady: Ironically enough, a nurse from a local hospital posted something on her facebook page, and it was shared by a friend. I just happened to see her post and saved it. The hospital is about 45 minutes away near my parents' house, so I send the blankets with my parents who drop them off for me. She also left an address to ship them to. If anyone wants it, PM me and I'll send it to you.

You can also check with your local hospital though. I know the one the boys were born at has a partnership with a nursing home for newborn hat donation.

@T.H.O.U.: Haha...there was plenty of that too