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Trying too hard is preventing pregnancy

  1. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @beatrixkiddo: Great, now I'm crying at work. My head was down on my desk and a student came in and was like uhhhh.....
    I was actually just thinking that those 2 times I got pregnant were probably flukes- with R I was definitely trying but in a less stressed way. I don't know if I could really let myself take a real true break? I feel like I'm running out of time...
    (Also, are you N's mom? )
    @2PeasinaPod: I love that you do this. I should crochet but I usually decompress by just going on FB and Instagram. Probably not good.

  2. beatrixkiddo

    pea / 14 posts

    @pachamama: nope, it's Danya. And I didn't mean flukes in the sense that they were one-in-a-million chances, I mean that you serendipitously happened to have not been trying as actively those months. I don't think you got pregnant *because* you weren't trying as hard, I think you got pregnant because the different circumstances that need to be perfect in our bodies and our husbands bodies that are largely invisible to us happened to work together that month. The only way i see you being able to take a real break is if you had a concrete plan for when the break ends and what you will be doing when the break ends. But I wouldn't take a break because you think its what you need to do to get pregnant during that break cycle. Too much mind-f*ckery there. You're a planner and a teacher and an organizer and (tri)athlete! You're programmed to love schedules and tracking and data and being in tune with changes in your body on a daily basis. Don't force yourself to ignore those instincts because you think that's what you need to do to get pregnant. My feeling is that it's just a shitty waiting game and you've had shitty luck so far, but those are awesome tools at your disposal that you're better equipped to take advantage of because of your personality than most people.

  3. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @beatrixkiddo: Thank you so much, D. crying againnnnnnnnnn

    I told my husband I am done after December. I just can't keep doing to myself and I think (know) my stress has a real biological impact.

  4. Grace

    cantaloupe / 6730 posts

    For what it's worth, with my first, I got pregnant after 12 months of trying (charting and being very stressed out). Like you, it was the month I "gave up". For the second, I was calm. We had given ourselves 18 months to try and if it happened, good and if not, we'd be ok with 1. That took a lot of pressure off, we didn't time it as good some months and didn't worry. Still took 12 months! I think it was really just a numbers game after all. All this to say, be kind to yourself. It's hard and you are trying to deal with it the best you can.

  5. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Grace: Thank you, Grace. I think this will be a game of endurance for us

  6. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @pachamama: Do you by chance take CoQ10? I'm another person with DOR and I got pregnant accidentally taking a high dose of it (600 mg per day of ubiquinol rather than ubiquinone). It ended in a loss and then I tried it again and got pregnant with my daughter. In October, when we were ready for a 3rd, I decided to try the ubiquinol again and I got pregnant that month. Unfortunately, it ended in a 9 week loss but for some reason, nothing happens if I try on my own but I seem to get pregnant when I take the high dosage of ubiquinol. I think you are supposed to take it for 3 months to see an improvement in eqq quality so right now I'm sitting out a month and then going to try again. Anyway, it is just a thought (even though you didn't ask!). Here is some more info on it and reasons why 600 mg is the correct dosage:

  7. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Shantuck: I took Ubiquinol for #1 and it worked I guess haha! I have read about the 600mg minimum. However I had a high potency one my aunt gave me and it game me pounding headaches, so I need to use a different brand I think. Did you get headaches from it?

  8. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @pachamama: I take Jarrow brand (3x200mg) and I haven’t had any headaches. I do think it makes me ovulate a couple days late. I think i read that it is fat soluble so always take with a meal. Definitely try it again!

  9. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Shantuck: Interesting you say that. After taking it a while, I started O'ing super late. I "think" I might have O'd on day 29. So now I'm paranoid about taking it... or maybe late ovulation is a DOR/ POF thing?

  10. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @pachamama: I ovulate on day 16 /17 on the months I don't take ubiquinol and on day 18-20 when I do. For me, I think it's directly tied to the ubiquinol. Is there a big difference in your timing? I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for me.

  11. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Shantuck: I'm a disaster. With #1, 25 day cycles, spotting before and after. Now, 6 months post D&C, 36+ day cycles, spotting before and for 5 days after, not sure exactly when I O, was trying not to obsess. This month was 29. In 20 years of ovulation I have never been this irregular. I had a pelvic u/s and thyroid tested, all looked good. My OB doesn't suspect scarring or any complications post d&c but I'm wary. Going in for Day 3 testing next period.

  12. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    Update: I am on day 43 with no period. Had inexpicable peak LH surge day 29 and day 39. What the hell. I am falling apart. 6 BFNs.

  13. beatrixkiddo

    pea / 14 posts

    @pachamama: How frustrating. I'm sorry this process sucks so f'ing much. Winter's almost over. I hope the new season brings some change for you.

  14. avivoca

    watermelon / 14467 posts

    @pachamama: When that has happened to me, it's my body trying to ovulate and not being able to. I usually would finally ovulate around day 78 and then have a period 10-12 days later like clockwork. Just keep testing your LH and trying to time it right with ovulation. Are you charting at all? I know you say it makes you feel crazy but it really helped me.

  15. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @avivoca: That is definitely what I think is happening, surging LH bc my body is trying to ovulate but I have little to no eggs. I'm not sure I can commit to temping. The OPKs are enormously disappointing. How can one even conceive on such long cycles? Isnt your lining all thick?
    I have an appointment at our BostonIVF branch here in Albany. Maybe they can tell me something.

  16. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    UPDATE: I met with a new RE and I feel like for the first time someone is really looking into my case. Long story but she thinks I might be having symptoms of my mom's thyroid disease (Hashimoto). She's looking into antibodies and will rule out (hopefully) Ashermans.
    I went 53 days without a period. My labs are a complete disaster. Off the charts for everything
    confirmed DOR
    confirmed most likely perimenopausal.

    I'm glad it wasn't "in my head" and there are some clear reasons for why things have deteriorated for me reproductively. I have a very long road ahead of me but maybe one day I will be pregnant again.

  17. thepaperbutterfly

    grape / 98 posts

    I don't have infertility issues that I know of, but I have long cycles. It took about a year to get pregnant with my first child. I thought stress was really impacting me, so I went to a fertility accupuncturist and got pregnant on that same cycle XD That BFP cycle I was really stressed out and crying because I thought it was going to be another anovulatory cycle. After my chemical pregnancy my cycles had stayed around 40 days, but this one would have been 55 days had I not gotten pregnant. So yeah, I guess I was under a lot of stress when I got pregnant. Also, I had an unstable job situation at the time and was kind of in limbo about whether or not I was going to get fired. That definitely added to the stress over potential infertility. One thing I couldn't do was take my temperature on a daily basis because that stressed me out so much. I used OPKs and checked cervical mucus, but I couldn't temp because it was emotionally draining. I cried every cycle that I didn't get pregnant too We just started trying to conceive baby #2 and there is less pressure, but I still worry about it more than I should >_> I try to remind myself that we are doing all we can do to get pregnant, and beyond that it is pointless to worry about whether it will actually happen because there are so many factors out of our control. At least this is what I tell myself. It's hard not to worry about everything, especially since I'm neurotic in general XD

  18. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @thepaperbutterfly: It's so hard not to stress and "try". But like you said it is definitely 100% out of our control! Maybe that's the worst part!

  19. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @pachamama: Asherman's syndrome! That's exactly what I had. It was so bad that two sides of my uterine wall were connected to each other with scar tissue preventing pregnancy. I'm hoping this new RE is helping you slowly rule things out and get to where you need to be to conceive.

  20. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    You guys, I have some news. I am pregnant. It is very very early (4w4d) But it happened- NATURALLY. Not so much as a progesterone suppository I thought I "needed". I was scheduled for an IUI/ clomid/ Ovidrel this month after my CD baseline and for some reason I didn't want to do it. My RE had given me a pretty dismal outlook...
    0.1 AMH (yeah....)
    3 follicles
    the month I conceived.
    I am very very nervous about miscarrying and I know it is a real possibility. But I am already feeling quite sick. And I am hopeful.

    So you can get pregnant when you try (I was very much trying, using OPKs!, POAS at CD10), when you are kind of stressed (though this month was way better, and when your fertility specialist says "Let's make a decision about donor eggs when you're 40" )

  21. Pollywog

    persimmon / 1111 posts

    @pachamama: I am so happy to see this update :-). I am crossing my fingers that this little one sticks! When do you get your first ultrasound?

  22. Raspberry

    kiwi / 598 posts

    How wonderful!!! Congratulations! I know the anxiety but you must be thrilled as you should be! Best of luck to you.

  23. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Pollywog: My OB assured me after my D&C and subsequent freak out visits she would let me get checked early and often, so I was hoping to get in maybe at 6.5 weeks, what do you think?

  24. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Raspberry: Thanks so much. Worrying and having terrible anxiety is going to do nothing but harm me so I am trying to just enjoy this as it's probably (hopefully!) my last pregnancy, and I really love being pregnant

  25. Pollywog

    persimmon / 1111 posts

    @pachamama: That would be when I would try. You'd likely see w heartbeat, but it might still be early. With J I went in at 6.5, 9, and 12. With R they wouldn't see me before 8, which was frustrating. But they were a different practice and didn't have my history. I definitely would have prefered sooner

  26. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @Pollywog: I'm taking progesterone now which I really believed masks miscarriages so I will push. With #2, I lost the baby at 8w and at 12w had no indicators- no cramps, no spotting, etc and I was on progesterone. Maybe not but I know it builds your lining and prevents your periods under normal circumstances.

  27. hellobeeboston

    honeydew / 7235 posts

    @pachamama: I seriously believe this is a thing... you hear it so often, and it happened to me! I had been trying for my first for almost a year, desperately wanting to get pregnant. And we were getting so upset. Ultimately, we figured we would take a break, and I had a job interview across the country and we thought it might be a good time to pick up and move for a few years before we had children. So we started to get excited about the move, etc. Guess what. I got pregnant while out there for the job interview. I SWEAR it had to do with the mental shift in thinking....

  28. Mama Bird

    pomegranate / 3127 posts

    Congratulations! I hope all goes well!

  29. LAZB

    pomegranate / 3904 posts

    @pachamama: awesome! Congratulations!

  30. Ajsmommy

    pomegranate / 3355 posts


  31. Ajsmommy

    pomegranate / 3355 posts

    @hellobeeboston: I soo agree.. same happened to me!!! We were doing fertility treatments and so frustrated we decided to stop, stop it all... and next cycle... BFP

  32. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    Yay! I lover this update. Sending good vibes your way for a sticky baby!

  33. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    @pachamama: congrats!!! ❤

  34. pachamama

    nectarine / 2436 posts

    @hellobeeboston: Absolutely. There have been SO many things like that with me and other girls I know. For example, I went to the RE b/c I hadn't had a period in 50 days and literally an HOUR after I met with the doc, bam, period! This time I was definitely "trying" but I wasn't as stressed. I truly believed I could get pregnant - despite everything the doc had told me. I just wasn't fully on board with her diagnosis (that I was menopausal).

  35. crazydoglady

    nectarine / 2431 posts

    @Ajsmommy: @hellobeeboston: Same here! I was only trying for about a year, but we got pregnant naturally the month we were about to do testing, SA, and our first IUI. The only thing I did differently was acupuncture.

  36. crazydoglady

    nectarine / 2431 posts

    @pachamama: I am so stinkin' happy for you!!!! Grow, baby, grow!
    AFM, I would probably ask for a u/s at 7w even. By then, you should see a heartbeat if there is one.

  37. hellobeeboston

    honeydew / 7235 posts

    @pachamama: ALSO - I missed your happy update! Amazing! Fingers crossed for you & that baby! yay

  38. buttermilk

    nectarine / 2086 posts


  39. cyntist

    coffee bean / 42 posts

    Congratulations!!!!! I’m so, so happy for you. Stick, baby, stick! (I don’t think we’ve “met” on hellobee before, but I’m L.B.’s mom from our Feb ‘16 group.)

  40. beatrixkiddo

    pea / 14 posts

    so so happy and excited! How confident are you of conception date? I'd guess pretty certain? I think if it were me I'd wait the extra few days until 7 weeks to avoid the anxiety of possibly not seeing a HB at 6.5. Even 7 weeks isn't definitive I think. Ahhhh those first few weeks are the worst!


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