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TTC After Loss Part II

  1. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: I used it with my first but for someone who knows about your cycles already it won't be that helpful. I'd stick to opks and watching cm. The cycles I had a longer wait to ovulate I'd just get like 8 days of high fertility before a peak. Peak is basically just the day after a pos opk, at least for me. So it drove me as crazy as opks

    Eta that was 6 years ago at least that I bought it so maybe it's changed

  2. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @bhbee: Yeah I don't think it would be worth the money. I know I ovulate already and the signs are usually pretty clear.

    But someone please tell me I'm crazy for wanting to call the RE for a scan. I would have done it last month without a second thought but since our insurance renewed it's back to being OOP and it would be $160! I know in my head it's not worth it but UGH

  3. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: I'll tell you you're crazy to go in because even the re doesn't always know what's happening! I mean they can tell you follicle size but not when it will pop and then you're going crazy worrying about size and such. Ovulation week is the worst.

  4. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @bhbee: I talked myself out of it, thankfully!

    I held an 8 week old baby earlier and had not one ounce of baby fever. Crazy.

  5. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: it's weird I go back and forth. This week has been bad though. I organized my sons baby clothes for my coming nephew and remembering him as a tiny boy ... omg. And then I also had some special days with my 5yo this week and she's growing up so fast and going to kinder and uggggggh. I know a lot of people who had another baby once one went to school if only actually having one was as easy as deciding on it!

  6. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @mrskansas: @bhbee: I've come to the conclusion that hormones - which I'm pretty sure are what causes raging baby fever, or its absence - are just ridiculous. And loss - and I'm sure fertility treatments - and their lingering effects make them go completely whacko. It's probably just my personality, but I try to come back to my rational list of reasons for TTC and tell myself that whatever PMS, loss, etc is doing to my baby fever or anxieties about it, just ignore it, it's temporary.

  7. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @periwinklebee: I asked my ob last year if there was a birth control that would shut off my stupid hormones!! I'm finally taking the pills she gave me when af comes and I'm interested to see about the side effects because I'm so over it with the hormone cycle. And I agree I also find it helpful to acknowledge that it is temporary.

  8. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @bhbee: I hope the birth control helps! That would be awesome if the pill can help regulate the hormone cycle.

    My insurance would only cover one type of generic, and they kept switching which one. It drove me crazy

  9. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    Has anyone been surprised by DH just throwing out news of a miscarriage to friends? We had a BBQ last weekend and we were talking about kids (we were the only couple without kids) and people knew we were talking about trying but not that we had conceived and lost one. He randomly interjects to my shock that I had gotten pregnant quickly but it didn't stick and we are trying again. It really shocked me as it's such personal news to just throw down like that. I'm glad he's hopeful about another try (as he wasn't at first) but really???? I just told my MIL (she's a sweet lady who I really like which is nice as I lost my mom a long time ago) in case he planned to spring it on her too.

  10. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: I really do think husbands are just in a different world about this stuff. Maybe time to talk about what you're comfortable with. I'm sorry it put you in an awkward position! I would have freaked out for sure. I had a (not super close) friend ask me about having another baby once and I just turned red and stammered because I just couldn't talk about it.

  11. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @bhbee: lol about husbands and their views. It's so true. Last night he asked me have "I peed on a zillion sticks or what?" I explained it would likely be issueless this early before AF is due. And he said of it would be a false positive this early? I laughed and said a false negative. I didn't realize he has no idea about HCG and pregnancy hormones. Not that he really has to understand. And really, asking questions for him on the subject is close to amazing as in the past he just didn't want to know. Still, it made me laugh and agree that he is on a different world.

  12. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: My husband would say at random times during the month, "maybe you're pregnant, have you taken a test today?" Hah, I tried to explain to him that you cannot just take it at any point. And he says "how come in the movies they have sex and then run out the next morning to get a pregnancy test." Lol, because it's the movies. The fact that tests were positive for over a month after the D&E did not help with the confusion

  13. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    Waiting to ovulate this month is driving me crazy. I got a +OPK on CD 16 last month and today is CD 15 so needless to say I'm really hoping I get a positive soon.

    I had an almost positive OPK with SMU yesterday and my husband saw it and said there was no way I was ovulating yet since I didn't have the "awesome stringy stuff"... I guess after this long of TTC my husband knows more than I give him credit for LOL

  14. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @PeaceLily: How are you doing?

  15. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @mrskansas: I'm doing ok. Just finishing up the antibiotic for BV. I'm still feeling a little off though so not sure it worked completely. I made an appt with an RE today for August 1st so that's making me feel a little more relaxed like I don't have to figure out whats going on with me myself now.

    Waiting to ovulate is so annoying. I'm on day 13 now and probably won't ovulate until around day 19 or 20 again. This month I'm ok with it though since we have had to abstain while I've been taking the antibiotic. It's an internal cream, which I've never had before and I hope I don't need again. So messy!

  16. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: major credit to your husband for knowing about ewcm

  17. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @PeaceLily: I'm glad you have a RE appointment coming up! I hope they are able to provide you with some answers.

    I agree that waiting to ovulate is the worst. Hopefully it happens for you soon!!

  18. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    So I think we are actually going to take some time off. I'm on CD 16 with no +OPK yet and we haven't had sex since Sunday, so we should be in the clear with no chance of pregnancy. Last month was a O-4 conception so as long as I don't ovulate tomorrow I'm good! I should probably take use an OPK when I get home just to be sure though.

    I've started losing the weight I've gained over the past 11 months and feeling really good and I'm just enjoying it. My husband also thinks it's a good idea to just take a break - especially since we just don't know if we want another anymore.

  19. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: that's great you're feeling better! I always think a break is a really good idea. I hope it's just what you both need

  20. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    ugh I was just texting with my mom about my 2yo's crappy sleep (since we are going to visit this week and need to figure out sleeping arrangements) and her reply is "good thing you aren't getting ready to have another right now". No mom, still not a good thing my baby died when I should be 6 months pregnant. I don't talk about the loss much (really at all post it actually happening) with my family because no one gets it, no one has been there. My mom got pregnant first try both times. My brother and SIL took a long time for #1 but they were ntnp and found out when she was 8w or more. And #2 on the first try even though she's 40.
    I've been avoiding thinking about it but I'm dreading this upcoming weekend when we'll all be together and SIL will be 8m pregnant. My brother keeps posting pics of when our last babies were little together (1m apart) and every time I think of how this round should have been 1m apart too but here I am hormonal, puffy and not pregnant.

    Sorry for the vent. Just ugh. It's so lonely.

  21. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @bhbee: I'm so sorry. My mom has said some crappy things to me too so I get it.

    But vent away... most of us on this board understand. It's super lonely and this is the only place I feel comfortable talking about my struggles. Hugs

  22. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: yes thank goodness for this place

  23. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @bhbee: It probably depends on relationships...but is there any way you can tell your mom how she upset you? She probably doesn't even realize she's doing it, and I wonder if she'd be more sensitive if she knew?

    It might also help to try to open up to your SIL. I think my case is a little more extreme because I've lost three and my SIL is pregnant with her 10th, but I think things have become a lot less awkward once we admitted to each other how awkward things really were (this is now the third time we've been pregnant together). It's made it a lot easier to say no to things that would be too difficult (like a party/shower for her, or her asking if I could be in charge of mothers day this last year)

    I know some people just won't ever get it...but sometimes, I think we just have to help people see our side of it.

  24. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    My sweet husband... he texted me this morning and said that elevated prolactin can cause miscarriages and I "must have that because you made so much milk when you were breastfeeding".
    I explained to him that yes, I know it can cause miscarriages, but they already checked that and I'm normal. Also I stopped breastfeeding a year and a half ago... Lol.

    Bless his heart.

  25. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @bhbee: I'm so sorry. The things people say after loss can be so insensitive. I think people are just clueless and don't really think before they talk - the whole experience of loss has made me much more self-aware about whether I'm trying to empathize with other people's perspective, even if I've never been in their shoes.

    @mrskansas: Aw, it's great (I suppose within reason!) that he's trying to problem solve, even if you've already thought of all of it

  26. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @periwinklebee: I agree, any hard experience teaches you a lot of empathy. I'm sure I still mess it up plenty but at least it's in my mind.

    @mrskansas: seriously he's the cutest trying to fix it!

    @MaryM: I agree and I said something to my mom this time about it not being helpful to say things like that. hopefully it sticks for a while. SIL is a lost cause I think but actually my brother is more the problem than her. he is one of those people who is always saying something stupid, both because he is tone deaf and because he likes to stir things up. hopefully I'll be in a good place to just brush it off, I feel better about things today at least.

    and also thinking again how thankful I am to have this place to vent also thankful that I am packing for a long trip and not packing any OPKs or HPTs or anything! even though I'm just taking a short break with the BC pills I think it will be helpful.

  27. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @bhbee: I hope that you have a wonderful trip! And enjoy the mini TTC break.

  28. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @bhbee: I totally get that with your brother. My sister used to REALLY be that way when it came to me and DH and whether or not we'd get married (we dated for 7 years first).

    She just wanted me to get married and be happy like her (guess who's now divorced?) even though we weren't ready.

    There was no real way to have an honest conversation with her because she thought she knew better.

  29. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    I just got back to work after an OB appointment. I now have an IUD. It's really odd to not think about getting pregnant.

  30. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: it is hard to make the mental shift. Good job taking care of yourself!

  31. Coral

    clementine / 874 posts

    @mrskansas: That must have been a really difficult decision. I hope you get the joy and peace you so deserve!

  32. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @bhbee: @Coral: Thanks ladies. I know it's what I needed to do and I feel good about it. Now I can focus all my energy on my daughter and losing weight (down 2 pounds since last Thursday!).

  33. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @mrskansas: Seems like a good decision. Hoping you enjoy the much-deserved opportunity to focus more on self-care and family.

  34. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    How is everyone doing? Seems like not that many of us left on here actively ttc.

    My visit with my pregnant SIL went better than expected. I think my mind has truly accepted that my last pregnancy wasn't meant to be. Instead of really feeling "why isn't it me" about being 7m pregnant I am more feeling that way with people getting their bfps.
    I've been running all the scenarios in my head and I think if the next 3 cycles don't work I need to get an iud and try to step away from ttc. I think I am really going to need a pretty permanent bc approach to be able to move on.

  35. Coral

    clementine / 874 posts

    @bhbee: I'm still here! 🙋 I'm 3dpo and just about to leave for a full week beach vacation. I'm actually feeling really chill about ttc. We only got o-1 and o.

    I'm glad to hear you feel more at peace about things.

  36. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @Coral: a beach vacation is the most amazing 2ww there is! Have so much fun! (And hopefully you'll come back to good news too!)

  37. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @bhbee: Glad seeing your SIL went better than expected. I'm still not that comfortable around pregnant women, but am much better than I was a few months ago. I just have to remember that I don't want the baby they are pregnant with, I want my own, so who cares if they are pregnant with a baby I don't want.

    I'm most likely ovulating today/tomorrow, but not too hopeful for this month. Something just feels off with me - too many abdominal pains and weird fluttering feelings. I'm hoping I don't have some sort of uterine infection now.

    I'm going to see an RE next week and am pretty uncomfortable about going and starting testing, but I don't want to try for months more on my own if an RE can help get me pregnant sooner.

    I am so over ttc and can't get myself to care that much or try that hard anymore, but since I'm still trying for my first I know I won't stop until I'm pregnant.

    I think you're right, not many of us left actively ttc on this board!

  38. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @PeaceLily: the long road is so hard. I hope the re turns out to feel like a useful step! And I hope we're all off this board for good reasons soon

  39. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @bhbee: Thinking of you and crossing my fingers so hard that things work out over the next few months. To be honest, I'm still envious when I see people with a due date close to the due date of my loss, which is a bit ridiculous since I'm pregnant too (I think it's yet to fully sink in), but it is what it is.

    @PeaceLily: I hope the RE appt goes well and that the BV has cleared up - I would feel similarly, completely makes sense to have things checked out.

    @Coral: I think once you've hit o-1, you've already maxed your chances. I hope you have a great vacation!

  40. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @periwinklebee: I agree you feel what you feel! I know it will get ever more real for you and your dh. I felt so happy to read you are 15 weeks already! So close to feeling movement

    @Coral: I agree with @periwinklebee: that o-1 is the magical day! It sure has been for me anyway. We haven't hit it lately due to travel and I'm so hopeful our luck will change when we (hopefully) do this month. So many fx for you!

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