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@mrskansas:
FX!
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@mrskansas: I hope your eclipse baby is here to stay
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@mrskansas: also thought you would be interested to know - I got a close to positive opk after lunch on cd13 - that myo inositol definitely does something! I am taking another tonight to see if it's positive, if not I bet it will be by morning. I usually see nothing until 15-17.
Of course we've gotten in zero bd because of the new baby and keeping my niece and my daughter being sick with strep. I texted dh to pencil in bd tonight while at urgent care for the strep test - so romantic!
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@bhbee: that's awesome! Im glad it's doing something for you!
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It's not looking good for me. 9/10 dpo and I'm not getting anything more than shadow lines. I'll give it one more shot in the morning but I don't think this going to turn into anything.
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@mrskansas: I'm sorry for the uncertainty. Anything today? Hugs
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@bhbee: I just tested and it's definitely negative.
Eta: ok there is a faint line but it's the exact same line I've been getting. -
@mrskansas: I'm sorry
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@mrskansas: ugh, I change my mind about ovulating earlier with the supplement. My opks have been all over the place. A close to positive on cd13, less positive the next day, a just barely positive this morning followed by quite negative this afternoon/evening. So I would guess that positive wasn't real? I guess we just see what tomorrow brings. I usually am completely negative until a strong positive and sometimes have a short surge.
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Well, after much newborn holding this weekend I can state that it did not make me feel sad! He's a cute little peanut but I didn't feel any longing really. The only thing that made me cry a little was my 5yo holding him today (she was too sick to see him before). Overall the whole experience did make me want to keep trying. I guess we'll see how that feels in a month and a half.
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@bhbee: Ugh how annoying about the OPKs! Hopefully your + is coming really soon!
I saw a newborn this weekend and actually had no desire to have one at all, haha. Other people's babies have never given me baby fever though, just my own
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I am still getting the same faint line on tests. It's not even upsetting - just annoying! Either get darker or go away.
I am contemplating calling my OB for a blood test though.. this is similar to what happened when I had an ectopic. I leave for vacation on Friday so I'd rather know if something bad was going on, especially since I'm travelling alone with my daughter. -
@mrskansas: I'm sorry for the limbo! I wouldn't hesitate to ask for the test if it gives you peace of mind.
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@bhbee: I just went in and should have the results this afternoon. If it comes back negative, which I'm almost assuming it will, First Response is getting a not so nice email from me!
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@mrskansas: Thinking of you
I'm sorry for the limbo. I've never gotten a positive before 11dpo, and it always took at least 48 hours to get darker. No difference between early loss, late first tri loss, and viable pregnancy. I know it's hard but I wouldn't worry too much about an ectopic unless the lines are still faint once you've missed your period, it's still so, so early (but definitely get checked out before leaving town if it will give peace of mind!)
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@periwinklebee: Do you happen to have a picture of any of your 11 DPO tests or line progressions?
I'm just really gun shy!
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@mrskansas: The FRERs in this image are 11, 13, 15, and 17 dpo. The cheapies are 13, 15, 17, and 19 dpo. I didn't even try to photograph the 11dpo cheapie because the line was so faint that it wouldn't show.
With my early loss, I had 11 and 13 dpo tests that looked very similar to this pic, and then it plateaued at 15 and 17 and then faded.
Thinking of you
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@mrskansas: how are you doing today?
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@mrskansas: Thinking of you
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I guess I'm posting as a way to cope/vent.... I'm currently 8dpo, have daily heartburn, I think my left nipple was sensitive yesterday, and I'm starting to break out where i never usually breakout... I feel like I could just be reaching for symptoms... but the reason is I'm scared.... I'm scared of testing early and being completely heartbroken.... I had a good feeling this month and I don't want to jinx it. But I don't know if I can handle another disappointment. Post loss I was just trying to have a normal cycle... which I just did and I feel like everything is falling into place.... I just don't know....{deep breath}
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@chypmunk: I had a really hard time managing my emotions in the cycles right after my last loss. Hugs!
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@mrskansas: hope you're doing ok!
How is everyone, the few of us left?!
I have a confession to make. I have a love-hate thing with the poas boards. It's fun to have a place to wait it out. But I also have a hard time with people being so so excited when they see an early positive, because they assume it will stick. It's not that I begrudge them that feeling, because I once had it ... I guess it's more just sad that we are in this club where it's so hard to believe.
Otherwise I am kind of hopeful for this cycle and simultaneously not believing it can work. I'm pretty sure I've ovulated now and our bd timing didn't end up too bad - but that myo inositol definitely changed things! I feel like I got hit by a truck today though (which I always get some of post o) so hopefully that means a good strong ovulation. I don't know what happens after this month if there's no sticky baby this time.
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@mrskansas: Also thinking of you and hoping you are having a wonderful vacation.
@bhbee: I'm sorry
I wish I could reach out and give you a giant hug, and maybe a box of chocolates to get through the TWW - I am rooting for you so, so, so, so hard this month. I definitely don't have that kind of optimism with an early positive, and honestly, have a hard time having it now at 22 weeks. I don't know what it's like to have experienced a healthy pregnancy w/o loss, so can't speak to that, but I do know that the contrast between the experience of a loss and a pregnancy that's progressing well is so incredibly, intensely amazing. In contrast to my first pregnancy, where I was going in every week from 5 weeks and each time something new was wrong, or my second pregnancy, where I got the call that hcg indicated it wasn't viable, and in fact there was a concern because of the partial molar that it could be placental cancer, when I hear this time that everything looks normal, it's the most surreal and amazing feeling ever. And sure, there's also the moments where I burst into tears at the thought that something will go wrong, but it's just part of the package of having experienced loss - it makes everything feel more intense. I know you've been there in the past, and I have so much hope that you'll be experiencing some of the highs again soon
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@periwinklebee: thanks
I'm basically just an emotional train wreck today, thanks hormones, and know I just have to get to a new day. DH and I sat down and did calendars and confirmed that we'll likely miss October for trying. which in my current state added to the negativity - I feel like this is our last good month of trying. also my newborn nephew was over today, and I love holding him, but today, for the first time, it got to me. the this should be me with my baby feeling.
I know, rationally, that hormones are just eating me alive today. but I am very afraid of what a bfn will feel like when I don't know if this is the end. it was always hypothetical and now it is here.
I can't decide if that means I will be afraid to test, or will test like a crazy person
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@bhbee: I'm so sorry. Fx crossed this hopeful feeling leads down the road you are hoping for.
I feel like you are channeling some of my thoughts. Last night I was just thinking the POAS board is hard. I'm so conflicted - happy for everyone and glad to know I'm not the only crazy lady in the tww. But I do now wonder if anyone of the happy ladies will have a loss. I was so excited and naive in April but now - I wonder if it's healthier for me not to be on it and just keep any attempts to myself and if I get that longed for pregnancy (actually I think I will likely really dislike being pregnant due to the crazy emotions and lack of control - it's about a longing for a healthy baby at the end for me ) I'll share when I think I'm really out of the woods. Sometimes the optimism of others is just so hard.
And now I'm afraid to test as Wednesday AF is due ... if I'm not seeing something now, I'm probably out and then it means not trying for a few months for me. It's kind of crushing on some level so I want to bury my head in the sand and ignore everything until I absolutely can't. And I'm not certain dH will want to try again after we take a break to get through next summer's schedule without messing up a major move back to the US. Sigh. Life is never easy.
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@MrsJBeeG: yes that is definitely right on about feelings about the POAS board. I often wonder about staying off it but then I don't, even though it bugs me sometimes. well, at least we have this one! I know we can always come here and speak honestly among people who understand
and I really feel for you with the testing. I am going to be there in a week. I hope though that AF stays away and you get good news!
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@MrsJBeeG: Thinking of you this week
Sometimes I wondered if I would be better off just waiting for AF and not testing, but in nearly a year of trying I never managed to have the self-discipline. I honestly always felt a bit crazy in those last few days. I really hope AF stays away for you, and you don't have to worry about the timing issues. @bhbee: I'm sorry
hormones suck. And all the worse when combined with exhaustion - sometimes all you can do is survive the rest of the day. I'm sorry for all the ambiguity now. So hoping that things work out this month so you can avoid the difficult decisions about what to do next. In the meantime, be super kind to yourself, you really deserve it -
@periwinklebee: thanks. I did manage to not test in July as we were on vacation and I didn't want the mental anguish of knowing before hand. It wasn't easy but it didn't feel as bad as seeing a stark white area on the frer. I'm just not certain what I'll do this time. Thank you for your thoughts - it means a lot to me.
@bhbee: I really hope you get a positive next week and don't go through more anguish or decisions. It is nice to have a board like this one where I know others understand the highs and lows of loss and early pregnancy.
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My 5yo keeps telling me she wishes we were a family of 5, she wants a new baby, etc. It's coming from her infatuation with her new cousin but I just want to tell her I've been trying all year!!
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@bhbee: aw, super sweet, but I'm sure she's not making things any easier on her mama. I'm sorry, it sounds hard.
Ugh, I had the craziest (non-TTC) thing happen tonight. All summer I had been thinking it would be really nice to go on more picnics, but we'd barely gotten around to it. Summer is fleeting, so finally this evening we managed to have the nicest little picnic in a park downtown, in a good area, where there were tons of kids playing, dogs running around, ducks swimming, etc. Then suddenly we hear a couple of loud pops, police swarm in from every direction, and people start screaming "active shooter, run." I'm still completely freaked out (though it appears it was targeted and not some person trying to shoot up the park at random). I think what upsets me the most is that I was imagining coming there when my LO is hopefully a little older and letting him play, and just hate the thought that these sorts of things happen, and you really can't prevent your kids being exposed to it if you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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AF cramps have started this morning so I'm confident I'm out this cycle.
I'm thinking of telling DH let's keep trying even if we conceive and it messes up our move back to the US. I'm in the Army but I've been in so long that I know orders can be adjusted and arrival dates to the next assignment can shift. I'm closing in on my big 40th birthday and don't like the idea of a few months sliding by without trying. Am I crazy? What would you do in my shoes? I think DH will go along with it I ask him too.
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@MrsJBeeG: I'm sorry about af
I have thoughts in the same vein (continuing even with bad logistical outcome) and I'm really not sure where I will come out. Maybe write out the worst case scenario and decide if you can live with it? I worry about age too so I get that.
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@periwinklebee: that is super crazy! It really is true that you can't protect your kids like you want to, and that I'm sure only gets scarier as they get older.
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@bhbee: Oh yeah, so true! I think I completely terrified my parents with the off-the-beaten path travel I did when I was in college
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ugh I have been thinking "why do I do this to myself" over and over the past few days. I'm something like 9 dpo (maybe 8 or 10) and have been feeling really depressed about this cycle. I got a bfn today, and I know it's still early, but ugh. the myo inositol (I guess? or just chance) made the hormones really strong this time and it's not helping my mental state. especially with the looming decision about what to do next.
how is everyone else?
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@bhbee: I'm sorry about the bfn - I am rooting for you so, so hard this month...
I have never gotten a bfp before 11dpo, there is definitely still time! The hormone swings and the stress of it all sucks, if you can try to do something to treat yourself today...I've been doing good in general, but am having a hard time shaking a grumpy mood. Work has been stressful and annoying in some ways, and I had to work all weekend so didn't get a break. I'm now well over a year into the whole TTC/pregnancy thing, and there's ways in which the process continues to feel isolating, as I don't feel like my husband experiences it anywhere similar to the way I do. Yesterday may have ended with me bursting into tears when he refused again to take any interest in feeling the baby kick, saying he'd feel it eventually (he does not have the interest to bother waiting to feel it for more than 2 seconds). I may have responded, "what if this baby dies like our other baby and you never feel it" (because, well, that worry is constantly on my mind), and he told me it was a horrible thing to say. I know I should learn from his attitude of being much more relaxed about and removed from the entire process, but yeah...
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@periwinklebee: oh yeah, it is hard with husbands. I know it's different for them and we can't expect them to feel as much as we do, but it's been a huge struggle for me. It was there during my pregnancies (I also remember him not caring about feeling the baby until maybe 3rd tri when kicks were huge). And it really hit home with this loss where I was so invested at 11w and he was not invested at all. And it still has put us on such different pages. I still feel sad about the loss, I go through the hormone cycle each month, the bfn each month, and to him it's just nothing. Actually the most I hear from him is when things are stressful with the kids him saying "and you want another?".
Ooooook I think you opened up the floor for my rant there. Which I guess I needed!
my point is, you're not alone! And I do think it gets easier for husbands to be emotionally involved in third tri. We also took a Bradley class which is a big time commitment and that helped too because we focused on it and discussed things for at least that time and the drive there each week.
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Hi ladies, sorry for not updating a few weeks ago. I'm back at work after almost two weeks off, so now I have some time to update
I got my beta results back and my HCG was at a 4. My baseline in the past has been <1 so who knows what happened! I got my period as expected but it was really short and light. I think it was just an odd cycle, especially considering I had just removed the IUD, and I'm sure my body was out of whack from that.The vacation that I just got back from was just my daughter and me. I really loved spending that time with her and it made me realize that I will be happy with just my one, if that's how it works out. She is seriously the happiest, most easygoing toddler (and baby) and I am so grateful for her! I also don't think I could have wrangled more than one through the airport or at restaurants
That being said, my husband and I decided to go for it this month and see what happens. He must have had a lot of time to think while he was in Alaska because he told me last night he wanted to keep trying, just in case we get lucky. I'm on CD 12 now so I guess I'll wait to see if I ovulate!
Her fake smile:
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@mrskansas: awwww, so sweet
I'm glad you had a good vacation, and will be thinking of you this month!!!
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@bhbee: Ugh, yeah, it was definitely super shitty with the loss. He refused to call it a baby, and just really struggled to understand why I was so upset. In his view, it was nothing yet, so I must be upset because I had unrealistic expectations about the pregnancy ultimately working out. In my view, I was so nervous the entire time, I never expected it to work out, but I was upset because it was a baby, my baby, that I desperately wanted, and I knew he was slowly dying inside of me. It didn't help that my husband's work schedule did not allow him to come to any ultrasounds during that pregnancy, whereas I saw the hb multiple times. In some sense I think it's ultimately good for our relationship, because if we're in our usual mode where we pretty much agree on things, we never really have a chance to understand each other better and grow. But it's tough and still is. And sometimes when you see it be so much easier for men, I at least wonder if it's because there's something wrong with me, if I made TTC and pregnancy much harder than it needs to be and somehow could have been much more chill about the entire thing.
FX!
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