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@Raspberry: Yeah I feel the same way. I'd MUCH rather not be pregnant than to have another loss.
It still sucks to think that it'll happen quickly when in reality it could take a long time. -
Levels today were 144. Up from 53.5 four days ago. Which is a doubling time of 67 hours. Ugh. This does not make me feel good. Going back on Wednesday.
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@Dr. Pepper: Thinking of you
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@mrskansas: hugs. I was so sure I’d get pregnant again quickly and not even close.
@Dr. Pepper:
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@Dr. Pepper: sending good thoughts your way.
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On the not getting pregnant again note, just changed my little kitchen calendar to October. And was hit in the face with the fact that I hadnt seen that page since I used it as part of my announcement to family for this last baby after we saw the heartbeat.
I’ve been feeling mostly just resigned about the due date passing but ugh, that may have to go. -
@Dr. Pepper: Thinking of you
@mrskansas: Yuck, I'm sorry, both losses and bfns stink. What I appreciate about bfns is at least hormones are back to normal by like CD3, whereas with losses I was a hot hormonal mess for quite awhile which made coping all the worse. But bfns still super suck
@bhbee: I'm sorry
Try to do something extra kind for yourself this month - due dates are so hard -
@bhbee: I'm sorry mama
The due date for my 3rd loss is the end of this month so I get it. Hugs. -
I am feeling pretty defeated today. I just don't understand why I'm not getting pregnant. We do everything right. I'm only 25. It's really frustrating and I know you guys understand that.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I'm running in circles.
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@mrskansas: thanks and hugs to you too
I think part of it too is the loneliness of it all - seeing it and knowing that no one else cares - always glad to have this place where someone gets it!
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@mrskansas: it’s so hard. Especially when it seems sometimes so easy for others. When the timeline seems endless. I don’t really have any words of wisdom, but you’re in good company here.
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So the craziness lives in me. I’m just trying to avoid it taking over.
Lol. So I was making scrambled eggs for breakfast - unusual because I tend to go with a banana and coffee. But I felt like eggs. As I dished them up - I thought to myself - baby wants eggs this morning. What?!?!?? Who does that. My subconscious clearly wants me to get pregnant even if my body hasn’t gotten the message.
Not going to test until closer to the 10th. Hoping I’m pregnant while assuming I’m not. Just thought I’d share the moment I laughed at myself today with you sweet ladies struggling with this time too.
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Got this but I'm bleeding. Already know it's not viable.
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@mrskansas: I'm very sorry.
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@mrskansas:
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@mrskansas: so so so sorry.
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I'm so sorry
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@Raspberry: @bhbee: @MrsJBeeG: @periwinklebee:
Thanks girls. I was hoping I had just been experiencing bad luck over the past year but now I know I have a bigger problem.
It sucks.
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@mrskansas: I’m so sorry. Have you already done all the repeat loss testing? Can you try a new RE who might have better ideas? I know there are no easy answers. Just hoping there is a path forward if you want one. I know a couple of us who faced repeat chemicals a few years back had endometrial biopsies and treatment based on that. My first re never did that.
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@mrskansas: I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, and I'm truly sorry if my question comes across as insensitive. Have you considered genetic testing?
We knew before my losses that DH has balanced translocation in two major chromosomes (basically a healthy carrier). DS didn't get a copy of this so I often think I used up all my luck on him. There's a 25% chance in all our pregnancies that the baby is unbalanced and incompatible with life. Add that to the base rate of miscarriage in the general population.
It doesn't change anything, but it's a comfort for me to know why I will experience loss. It has also helped to remind me that those babies wouldn't have done well to make it to term.
I hope that you will get some answers and find peace soon.
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@bhbee: I think I'm going to try to get in with a different RE in the same practice. There is only one clinic here so that limits my options but maybe a different doctor will have a new idea.
They did run all of the recurrent loss testing back in February or March and everything was normal. An endometrial biopsy may be a good idea if they're willing to do it.
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@Raspberry: We have thought about doing genetic testing, but for us that would mean IVF + PGS (I personally wouldn't want to keep trying and having losses) and IVF just isn't an option for us.
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@mrskansas: I'm so sorry.
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@faithfertility: remind me what happened with you when you had repeat chemicals?
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@mrskansas:
I would second the suggestion about genetic testing. Even if you already did it, my RE recommended having mine repeated, as I first did it in January 2016 and by the time I'd had repeat loss a year later the test had advanced to test for like five times more conditions than it had initially...
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@mrskansas: im so sorry
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...And a friend at work is pregnant with #3 and just announced at 6 weeks. I'm happy for her but so incredibly jealous and sad for myself.
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@mrskansas: I can see your point about the testing being not so useful without wanting to do IVF. I will say that to test for about 400 conditions, it was just a blood draw and insurance covered 100% (if they don't, I think the negotiated price is pretty reasonable). A drop in the bucket compared to all the blood draws to test HCG down to zero. So if you do decide you'd like to do it for peace of mind, at least the first iteration is I think lower cost (both physically and financially) than many of the other RE tests.
I really can't wrap my head around announcing to a broad group of people at 6 weeks, although awesome that people are able to have that confidence...
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My level decreased today. The doctor herself called me, which is always a sign that it is bad news. If it is good news, the nurse calls. She didn't tell me the level, but the went down a little. So it is either an early miscarriage or ectopic. Based on my history, it is probably an early miscarriage- #5.
After #2 we did the thrombophilia workup. Which was all negative. After my levels go down to negative, my doc is going to run my thyroid and check my chromosomes for translocations and send me to a fertility specialist. I'm not sure if my hubby will be up for the fertility specialist route. He was good with just our two boys. I was able to convince him that one more was something we needed. But if we have to do too much work, I'm not sure how on board he will be. I'm sure he would be fine with an initial consult, so I guess it depends on what they say at that point.
Ugh. This sucks.
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@Dr. Pepper: I'm so sorry
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@Dr. Pepper: I'm so sorry
The initial fertility workup isn't so bad, the kick in the gut feeling from getting bad news about hcg is so, so much worse. I'll be thinking of you, IF and loss are so unfair...
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@Dr. Pepper: I’m so sorry
I would just give it all time to process, with your husband too. DH has never been totally on board for #3 but then at times he has been more positive than me about continuing when it’s been hard. And he’s offered to go back to the re when I didn’t even want to. I never know what to expect. I’d do the initial testing for peace of mind and then see where you both are. But for now, just feel what you need to feel
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@Dr. Pepper: I'm so sorry
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@Dr. Pepper: so sorry to hear the news.
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I spoke with the RE's office and I have a consult with the medical director on the 18th. They also want me to try 100mg of Clomid this cycle since my appointment should be a few days before ovulation and they can do a scan to see how I respond.
I'm not sure how I feel about Clomid. I took 50mg back in March and I responded ok.. ovulation was a bit later (CD 20 I think?) and my lining was good. Their reasoning for upping the dose is to get more follicles. I didn't have horrible side effects with 50mg but I'm worried about 100!
@bhbee: I know you've taken numerous rounds of Clomid. What do you think?
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@mrskansas: clomid is a beast for me, and 100 is worse than 50. but if you did ok on 50, you might be ok on 100 too, everyone reacts differently. I am also currently struggling with the hormonal reaction to bc pills so I know I'm sensitive to it.
For sure, watch your lining on 100. Repeated and higher dose cycles tend to make that worse. Later ovulation would be normal on it.
I would also push them to think beyond just inducing a stronger ovulation, you clearly can get pregnant already. I would probably be willing to try the clomid (to some degree just to check the box with them) but if there is another underlying issue, it may put you through side effects for nothing. If you haven't done the chromosomal analysis, I would encourage it. it's an easy test and can give you peace of mind that that isn't the issue. or on the off chance there is an issue, give you better information to decide how to proceed or not.so many hugs. this situation is so, so hard.
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@bhbee: I agree, I don't have an ovulation problem. I think they just suggested Clomid while I wait for my appointment to "check a box" and see what happens.
I just don't know... I had bad acne while on it and I really don't want to deal with that just to experiment.I feel like the best idea would be to try naturally and then start doing some more testing after my appointment. I guess if everything comes back normal I'd be willing to try Clomid but to your point, it'd be best to rule out other things first.
This article really made me not want to do it:
https://haveababy.com/fertility-information/ivf-authority/clomiphene-citrate-clomid-how-it-works-who-should-use-it
"The truth is that the rate of conception with clomiphene therapy is actually about 30% lower than the natural fertility rate for normally ovulating women, and about 25% lower than when gonadotropin stimulation is used for ovarian stimulation in similar patients. Moreover, the discrepancy is further magnified with advancing maternal age, where in women under 35 years, the pregnancy rate with clomiphene treatment is about 10% per cycle..." -
@mrskansas: yeah I believe that about clomid. It helped me have my first, when I needed it. But it really did not help me on my second (probably made it worse) and I went through a lot for nothing.
Maybe wait and see if you can talk them out of it at least until you try for other testing, I think that makes sense. They always throw clomid at everything ... -
@bhbee: They did say it was optional so I'm just going to skip it.
I haven't used Lovenox since I was on Femara so I may start that after ovulation this next cycle just to see what happens. And I'll probably reduce my dose of myo-inositol. I doubt it's doing any harm but you never know. -
Ok so my hCG is all kinds of wonky:
9/28- 53.5
10/2- 144
10/4- 127
10/6- 150So now I go back Monday for another hCG and ultrasound to look for ectopic pregnancy.
It sucks.
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