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Yes, I would be upset she didn't ask.
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I wouldn't even put an ultrasound pic on my own Christmas card, so yeah, I'd be pretty pissed.
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I would be livid! I think you should address it with her immediately and not wait until she asks for another picture. Your husband needs to get a backbone and speak up. Also, I would find it weird to receive a Christmas card with and ultrasound pic on it! Any chance you'd be will to share a picture of the card?
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thank you for supporting my no-drama response!
I am feeling super dramatic, still, the morning after. But really.. what can be done about it now? I will without a doubt mention something if she happens to ask for another ultrasound picture. I'm already thinking up ways to discretely bait her into asking for one so that I can say something about my request that she not share these private medical pictures publicly, ahem, like on the christmas card or social media or whatever. 
And thank you so much for the congrats on my #2! I'm so happy to be able to use all of the baby gear again so soon! Its good to hold on to some. And yes, the cost per use for all the little clothes I bought my girl is now helping me breathe a sigh of relief since I can use them all again! @periwinklebee: I agree with you that some of these family members really think of my girl(s) as THEIR kids. I still remember when one of husband's family members told my MIL (who raised two boys) "you now finally have your girl!" after my daughter was born. Ugh. No. Just no for lots of reasons. Maybe it is cultural differences.
@JennyPenny: Thank you for sharing your thoughts as someone who adores her MIL. I'm so glad to hear you would still be a little bit bothered!
@Pollywog: I did "publicly" announce on my small private Instagram account just before Thanksgiving with a short video from our gender reveal event. I'm still before 20 weeks and haven't yet had my anatomy scan, so I still feel so early in this pregnancy and generally protective of it. And no, she didn't crop out any of my personal info from the ultrasound photo. It's not super clear, but its all there.
@MaryM: I love everyone saying they would say something right away! I still feel like there is time for me to say something, since I don't check my mail often and its possible I might not even get her card until the weekend. (Except my mom got the card first since she's retired and checks her mailbox like 10 times a day. And she called me asap at work to tell me about it.) What you suggested is what I would say if I choose to address it right now. Not sure I will, but 10% chance I might.
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@agold: I would be FURIOUS and make DH call his mom and bitch about it.
Not the same, but my SIL shared DD1's name on social media before she was born AND she spelled it wrong. I called him and made him call her to take it down. And when she didn't do it fast enough, I messaged her on FB and told her that we weren't sharing the name before she was born and she needed to take it down right this minute.
I may have been a little dramatic. But even now, four years later, she asks before she posts anything. She didn't mean any harm but she now respects me as mama bear when it comes to my girls.
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@agold: Actually, I agree with some others and I'd have DH bring it up. I think things usually go better if I have him deal with his family and I deal with mine
(of course I probably feel that way because mine isn't crazy! lol)
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@avivoca: I would be upset with the name-sharing also!! I would have done exactly as you had done. And if my MIL posted this ultrasound on her facebook or whatever, I would absolutely call immediately and ask her to take it down. But nothing can be done about the massive amount of Christmas cards she's already sent out. I should make my husband call her about it. But really, I will address it myself with her when I feel like the time is right. Also, when my husband told her I was having contractions when I was pregnant with my daughter, and we were going to go to the hospital just to be checked out.... when we took the elevator up to the 7th floor of the hospital and the elevator doors opened, MIL was standing right there to greet us with like 2 overnight bags packed for herself.
Yea... things will be handled a lot differently when I go into labor with this next one. Boundaries clearly are an unknown to her.
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@agold: Nope. Not overreacting. What an overstep!
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@agold: ok it’s not as bad as I thought because it’s sort of like a grandkids card but I still would have a major issue with this. I feel like all photos being used by someone other then mom and dad need to be approved! In summary, congrats on the baby, Mil are the worst!
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For my own emotions I guess it's a little better that it's not the sole picture and not huge, BUT the principle of it still. So still would be upset!
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I can see she was trying to be inclusive, but she’s still wrong. A simple, “I’d like to feature all my grandkids on the Christmas card, what do you think we should do for still baking Baby?” And then you all decide what to do if anything at all. Putting an ultrasound photo looks totally weird on here and it’s not her photo to share.
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@agold: would be enraged and it would not matter if it was my MIL or my own mother who did it. At least I would if it was done without asking...and I would say no if asked.
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@agold: I would 100% not share any more photos with her because it will just continue. And I would definitely try to have a conversation about your privacy if you can bear it.
My SIL used to post photos of our LO1 on FB without our permission. We had to explicitly ask her to stop. She did, but clearly thought we were nuts. All was good for a couple years until LO2 was born. SIL immediately texted me for a photo of him and when I didn't respond right away (because he had been born like an hour before), she managed to get one from MIL who visited us in the hospital. She shared it on facebook and announced my LO2's birth a full day before I did. Plus it was my full family, including me in a hospital gown that was partially falling off. Her FB is completely public (unlike mine). I am still mad about this and it was a full year ago now.
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@agold: You are SO NOT overreacting, that is weird and creepy to put on a card in general and for a grandma to do it without permission? Come on!
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There must be something in the water that crazy MILs are drinking. Between this thread, the "please send me Amazon gift cards aka cash" thread, and the thread regarding the MIL praying the child will be "normal".....i mean WTF.
These MILs are wackadoos. -
You are handling this very well! It was totally out of bounds to use the ultrasound photo without asking and you should definitely address it.
I think it makes me extra ragey since I can relate to the lack of boundaries but in my case it is my step mom. We announced to our families at Christmas with cute frames and an ultrasound photo and told them we were not ready to make the news public. My step mom immediately asked to take a photo to post on her Facebook like she didn't even hear me so I had to reiterate our wishes. Then when DS was born I see that she posted about his birth before I was able to even get back to my room from recovery. Since then I do not send her photos directly (my Dad will share sometimes) and when she is around my son I monitor her social media, untag myself in posts and remind her of our preferences when it comes to sharing our son's life.
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If anyone asked us, we would say no.
Therefore, I am certain that if any photo of us or DS was used on someone else's holiday card, my husband or I would be on the phone with them IMMEDIATELY, and we would be livid. -
I would be livid.
I’m annoyed she uses crappy cell phone photos of DD instead of our dozens of great ones (I’m a photographer). I also don’t like that she does not ask, but whatever. An ultrasound photo is straight up invasive.
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@agold: I would be very upset and angry. She’s overstepping her boundaries for sure.
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Photos in the future I would put a bunch of filters and stickers on them to deter from sharing
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I think your mil is totally out of line. Besides not asking permission from you, who wants their uterus pic sent to family and friends? It’s wonderful that she is so excited, but in the future you need to be very clear with her and set limits.
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@avivoca: @Alba4: @youboots: @Bluemasonjar: @catlady: I'm just tagging some of you girls because you commented last....
Do you think it would be too passive aggressive of me to NOT hang up my MIL's christmas card on the little card holder I have hanging on my wall? MIL is coming to babysit tomorrow and I haven't put her card up because I hate it. I'm sure she will notice I haven't put it up.
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@agold: I say don’t hang it up if you hate. But be prepared to explain when she asks
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Oh if she is coming to babysit tomorrow I would for sure say something like, "what the f*** made you think you could share this?" I'm not saying that's the right approach, but I have little self control when I'm enraged and I would be furious.
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@Ms.Mermaid: This made me laugh out loud. Can you come over and say it for me?
@gotkimchi: Yep, that's what I'm thinking. I will have to explain it. So maybe that's why I won't hang it up so that it gives me an opportunity to say something.
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I agree with not displaying her card. It would just make me more upset to have to see it every day. Interested to hear if she noticed and said anything?
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@Bluemasonjar: She's coming tonight to baby sit. I'll post an update as soon as I can. I'm pretty positive she won't say anything. And if that's the case, I won't say anything either. Although I do have my own christmas card up on the top of this little christmas card holder (is that normal - to put up my own card??) and I didn't mention anything about unborn baby #2. So she will for sure notice that. (I just sent out my own cards today so she won't have seen it yet.... working mom fail.)
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I bet it wasn’t done maliciously but yeah I would be upset. When we did our Christmas cards when I was pregnant, I never mentioned anything about being pregnant (granted I was quite early but close family knew). Anyways yeah I would be upset for sure but I’m quite non-confrontational so I don’t know if I would say anything.
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Not that my opinion really matters because it's contradictory to everyone self-reinforcing here, but, I wouldn't be upset at all. I like my babies to be treated as babies and celebrated as such, even when in utero. I love ultrasound pics and think science is so cool, I don't mind sharing USs shots at all. Lastly, I don't care about loved ones posting LOs pics, as long as they're not posting a ton of identifying information.... Most people I know in the real world take, post, and/or share photos of other kids without an issue.... I only know of it being an issue here on HB.
however, I do draw the line at someone else announcing the birth or name before mom/dad, and definitely no ILs at the hospital!
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@DesertDreams88: I agree with everything you said!
I'm surprised so many people would have such a problem with this. I feel like the grandma really did not mean anything by this and was just excited to include the new grandbaby.
I'm not saying that I don't feel that you're entitled to your opinion and feelings, just trying to offer a different perspective.
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@DesertDreams88: I was happy to read your dissent, if you will, because it’s important to hear all perspectives. The MIL may be on the same page as you, but to me in matters of her grandkids it’s important that she is on the same page as her son and DIL.
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@DesertDreams88: I totally agree, it wouldn't bother me personally at all. She's excited and wants others to share her joy.
However, it doesn't matter how I feel, but how YOU feel--and it's her job as your MIL to be able to gauge how you'd feel about issues like this (or at least ask!).
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@QBbride: it absolutely wasn’t done maliciously. It’s just another one of a few things she has done that I felt were not quite appropriate, even if we’ll meaning.
@DesertDreams88: I really love hearing your dissenting opinion. One of my own close friends had no issue with it at all when I asked for her thoughts. I think that the ultrasound picture is personal, though, with all my personal info on there (albeit small). She also announced the due date (one day off). I just wouldn’t have put any of that on my own card. I didn’t mention anything about new baby on my own card at all. I was just a little shocked. I’m generally not confrontational, either, and not easily upset.
Update; my response was to just not hang up her card. She came over to babysit and asked me if I had not received her card when we got home the end of the night. I quickly imagined saying, “well the truth is....” but I just couldn’t do it. So I simply said “oops, it was the first one I received and I put it someplace else and forgot to hang it up”. Left it at that. I’m moving on. But adamant that no pictures get sent to her unless I’m okay if she shares it.
I am feeling super dramatic, still, the morning after. But really.. what can be done about it now? I will without a doubt mention something if she happens to ask for another ultrasound picture. I'm already thinking up ways to discretely bait her into asking for one so that I can say something about my request that she not share these private medical pictures publicly, ahem, like on the christmas card or social media or whatever. 
And thank you so much for the congrats on my #2! I'm so happy to be able to use all of the baby gear again so soon! Its good to hold on to some. And yes, the cost per use for all the little clothes I bought my girl is now helping me breathe a sigh of relief since I can use them all again! 
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