Would you be upset if your MIL put a picture of your ultrasound for a May 2018 baby on her Christmas card without asking you before doing so? Just curious how you all would feel so I can gauge my own reaction.
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I think its very presumptuous, but I would think it was presumptuous if ANYONE put ANY of my kids on a greeting card without asking me first, regardless of if they are in utero or not. They're MY kids. Plus an ultrasound is like an announcement type thing and I feel like that's definitely in your wheelhouse.
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Oh hell no. I would be furious.
I didn’t even want my in-laws printing out the ultrasound picture to put up in their own house (which they did anyway and guess who didn’t get any us photos for this baby).
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@gingerbebe: @petitenoisette: Would you say anything to your MILs?
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Yes. If it were me, I would have DH tell his mother that we felt uncomfortable with something as intimate as private ultrasound go out to people we didn't know and that in the future, we'd prefer if she would speak to us first before sending out something with our photos on it.
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Heck yes i would be livid. I would make dh say something probably.
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@agold: I would probably make my DH discuss it with them. He does not ever confront them willingly on behavior so the only time it happens is if I’m really furious. But that would be the case if this happened to me. It sucks bc I’m assuming you know bc the cards have gone out so it’s one of those situations of what is done is done (I am guessing that’s why your MIL didn’t ask, she knew on some level it was inappropriate and would say no so she just did it without asking).
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Yep. I wouldn’t ask her to reprint them but I would ask that she ask me before doing something like that again.
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@petitenoisette: Exactly.
Thank you, girls, for sharing your thoughts. I am pretty upset and you are all articulating your thoughts better than I can at the moment. But of course, the cards are out so nothing can be done except never send her any pictures again.
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Yes I hate when my in laws even write about us in their Xmas cards. Like hello maybe that’s info we don’t want shared or wanted to share ourself. I haven’t said anything about it but have always told my husband photos are wheee I draw the line
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Oh noooooooo. That's a photo of the actual inside of your body. No.
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Omg. That would upset me beyond words! Sorry this happened to you.
And now that I’ve read what happened to you - I could totally see my MIL doing it. Made me decide right now that I’ll only send a printed us picture to her in the mail and not digital so she can’t use it like that. She’s be too lazy to get it made into cards from a printed picture. My MIL is sweet but I know she doesn’t keep secrets and would totally do this because she wouldn’t see it as inappropriate.
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That’s so weird. Like, even if she had asked and you were cool with it, that’s weird.
So yeah I’d be upset. I’d probably ask DH to ask her to not publicly share photos we share with her unless we explicitly say it’s ok- and then I’d be mindful of what I share with her anyway.
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I would be annoyed and honestly creeped out! It's bad enough if someone takes your child's photo and uses it but come on, an ultrasound?!!
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What the fuck is wrong with these MILs?!! I would flip shit!
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@agold: Um HELLS yes. This is psycho if you didn’t ok it. My personal opinion.
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@bubblegum: Ok good haha. Didn’t read other responses before I posted!
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this is so weird. i'm sorry. i'd be totally pissed. I would definitely make my husband say something.
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Oh haaayelll no! I would be irate! After listening to me rant and rave about it for a good long while, I'm sure DH would talk to his mom, but if the cards are out, there is nothing you can do at this point. That is a major breach of boundaries that I would take a looong time to get past.
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I'd be pissed. So inappropriate and invasive. I'm so sorry!
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I would lose my mind, yell at DH and then handle it myself with MIL to make sure to get the point across. . I’m so sorry and SO upset for you (if you are upset- i can see just being annoyed, but this is something my MIL would do as part of her pattern of zero boundaries/trying to get all rise out of me by ignoring said boundaries, so I’m getting worked up).
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@agold: WHAT the fuck. I would be furious. Sorry this happened girlfriend, grandmas are nuts. ETA I would tell her it upset me if it was my MIL. Then I would be super careful about what I shared going forward.
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Oh wow. Words can't even express how angry I would be. To be, that would be a serious violation of my privacy.
My dad made holiday cards featuring a photo of him with my DD the year she was born, and he even told us he was doing it, but I still felt very weird about that situation. I can't imagine someone doing something like that without my permission.
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WTF. That is CRAZY. Anyone who receives that card will think she's crazy too. I would not send her any more pictures after this stunt.
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Totally not cool. First of all that is so weird to me that the woman who is not pregnant is sharing that kind of news on a Christmas card. Second, why the ultrasound photo? I mean there’s other cutesy ways to announce that you are going to be a second time mom. Where’s HIPPA for MILs?
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This would be a hard just no, especially without my permission. Ugh.
I'm currently annoyed at my FIL because he demanded a picture of me, DH, DD1, and newborn DD2 for their Christmas card. Didn't ask, said "I'll be getting a picture of the four of you for our card before I go." To send it out to a bunch if people I don't know and will never meet! I don't know why but it weird me out and feels a bit invasive (and I don't know, why is it so hard to ask???).
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I agree with @FOODNERD81
That's just weird. Even if she asked you and you were cool with it,,why? I think it's weird to send it out even if it was your own christmas card
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Thanks for all of these responses. I feel better now about how I feel about the whole thing. Husband said she’s just so excited and has no malicious intent blah blah blah. But she’s done a few things before that exceeded normal appropriate behavior. I don’t think I will say anything now since the cards are out and what would could she say in response that would satisfy me? Nothing. So I told husband not to forward her any more pictures. If she asks for me to send her one, I’ll say something at that time. Ugh. I’m not even going to hang her card up because it makes me ragey and I don’t like to feel this way in December!
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I would be seriously angry - that is a big violation of privacy, in my opinion. It’s bad enough when someone posts a picture of your child without your consent, but a medical picture of YOURS? That is crazy.
If it were me, I would definitely say something. I know that nothing can be done at this point, but I would make it clear that she needs my permission before posting any pictures of mine.
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Oh my word I’d be sent into a blind rage by this. Like I would blow up at her and I’m not sure I’d be able to sugar coat it. It would be the end of sharing anything with her and possibly our relationship. I just feel that’s a huge invasion of privacy and I’d never be able to trust her again.
This is like something from the justnomil Reddit. -
What the ... that deserves more than an eye roll. I can understand that she's excited, but there's boundaries!
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@agold: your no drama response is a good one. When some ish like this happens again definitely use this as an example of repeated behavior. She may even ask “why didn’t you say something?” Well, you nailed it no need to because nothing she said could have made it better. Face palm.
Congrats on baby #2! Makes all your first time gear purchases worth it. LOL I’m holding on to some things in hopes to get some better cost per use ratios for some items before I sell.
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@wrkbrk: lol yeah we were all thinking the same thing!!
@agold: I totally get why you don’t want to respond because it’s already out there but I have a nutcase MIL like this too and you’re better than me because I would’ve lost it. I’m so sorry this happened. It’s not okay.
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It’s funny, as long as I’d announced myself already it wouldn’t bother me at all if my mom did it, but if my MIL did it would. And I absolutely adore my MIL so there’s no preexisting drama there. *shrug*
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That's so damn weird. I wouldn't even put an ultrasound pic on my own Christmas card. She needs to learn some boundaries.
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Sounds like something my MIL would do - we knew as soon as we gave her the ultrasound pics that she would (without asking) scan them and text/email them to a very large number of relatives, which we did not want her to do, and my husband was very explicit about not doing that. I'm sure your husband is right that your MIL is just excited, but good to set boundaries. I'm also struggling with this issue, as I feel like our families see things as MY grandchild, etc, and feel entitled to say how things should be, but we're the parents. I think there are both cultural and generational differences, with family elders in the past having a greater norm of calling the shots.
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@agold: Had you publicly announced? When in May are you due? When us she sending out the cards? I have a May 1 due date and am sending out cards after my anatomy scan and after we have announced to everyone. If MIL included that photo (cropping out my personal information), I'd roll my eyes, make a snarky comment to DH and not mention it to her. If it was an early ultrasound before I announced I'd be royally pissed. I'd make DH handle it.
On the plus side, at least she's excited. My LO didn't even make the in-laws Christmas card this year.
ETA: I agree, there's no reason to bring it up now. Just be very judicious with sharing other photos, especially after LO is just born.
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That is super bizarre.
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That is so so weird and I would be upset. I don’t even share my own U/S pics outside immediate family and my closest friends much less a Christmas card!
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I wouldn't wait. I would ask my husband to go ahead and say something so a precedent is set for when the baby comes.
Something along the lines of affirming that you know she's excited and mean no harm, but that you don't want your children's photos to be so public (with people you don't know) and would appreciate her asking you about it in the future.
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73 comments