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My DS went through separation anxiety at 18 months but it passed. My guess is that your LO is having a hard time because it is so infrequent. For example, kids who start school 5 days a week usually adjust more quickly than those who start 2 days a week. No solutions here, but maybe give it time.

@MrsSRS:

Yep what @Bao said! Once a week is reallyyyyyy hard! When I wanted to drop DD to two days, every center I talked to recommended 3 days!

I wouldn't keep him in.

I think it is totally fine to pull him out. I think research shows it is good to be with a parent and forming attachments until 3 or 4. Try not to feel bad, it is okay to try something new. And now you know and can feel good about not keeping him in right now if you decide to go that route (?)

I've dealt with separation anxiety in both my 3 year old and 16 month old recently. With the three year old, I perservered (it was a drop off ballet class), because it was clear she liked the activity, she just wanted me to stay. I felt like she was mature enough to process that I was coming back, and to have a sense of time as to when I'd be back. The first few classes were rough, but now she's doing ballet and preschool and shoos me out the door at both.

With my 16 month old, I gave up on daycare/play school at the backup care facility my husband's office provides unless it's absolutely necessary. Her behavior sounds just like your 18 month old, and I felt like I was traumatizing her (and that it'd only make future separations more difficult), because she really didn't understand. maybe you could do some sort of mommy and me class with DS instead for the time being for socialization, and wait a bit to try the drop off scenario again...if you find yourself needing time to yoyrself, maybe you'll meet some mom and baby pairs in a class that you could alternate drop-off play dates with...

No advice but I've heard 18m is a common time for that. We are just starting 3 days a week preschool at age 3 and it's tough on lo. Today was her 2nd day and she struggled more than day 1...and her brother is due in a couple weeks. I plan to work around jan/feb so I don't wanna pull her out but if we are not making progress after a few weeks I might even consider upping to five mornings or discussing with her teacher. I think your son will be ok whether you wait another year or maybe switch to a more frequent program, especially if you are ttc (?) now. I sure wish I had dealt with this not a couple weeks before my due date.

Do what you think is best but for me I would keep my LO in. Separation anxiety is real but it's a good thing to interact and be around other kids and other authority figures (teachers). Plus, once LO understands that you will come back for him, it will make your life easier for any future babysitters and preschool options.

If you do decide to keep him in, some advice is:
Don't linger. Kiss him, hug him, tell him you'll be back soon, and turn around and leave. That's the hard part but it gets easier be consistent with it. He will get used to the routine and adjust in time.

My LO was put in once a week preschool at 14 months. She didn't need to go but the opportunity was there and it worked out great. Now at 3, even with a new school and new teachers, she's fine by herself. Other friends little ones who've never been in any school settings are having the hardest time.

@Mrs. Champagne: also just wanted to add that in our case we did parent participation classes as well as some with instructors and we just waited for class to be done and lo likes other kids and people.. None of that makes a difference for her separation anxiety. It is so frustrating because she is otherwise SO ready for the program.

First and foremost: You should make the choice that you think is best for your LO! These kinds of decisions are so hard and you'll get such varied opinions.

Since you asked, though, personally I would not keep him in. This is based on my experience of really struggling with LO in part-time daycare for a year, from 10-20 months. She learned to like going thanks to really sweet teachers. We had a lot of trust in and love for the school and we miss them! But at the time we didn't have a choice - I had to work.

We recently moved for my husband's job and I SAH with LO (23 months now). I'm sure part of it is just the age but I think she has absolutely blossomed from spending more time with me. Every kid is different but from my experience just with my own kid it's been great. Even though a lot of people (including HBers) thought I should find a part-time program for her here after we moved, I'm so glad we didn't!

We do some kind of social activity every day together and she has shed a lot of her separation anxiety. She will go off and play with other kids now when just a few months ago she would cling to me terrified that I was about to leave her. Again, I think part of it is growing out of that stage, but I also think it has really helped her for me to be there to help navigate these situations. Oh, and I also think it has helped her be more flexible because we do different things and see different friends every day. Before she had a rigid routine (M/W- Grandma, T/Th- daycare, F/S/S- home) and because of her nature that just made her less adaptable in new situations.

Having said alllll that, I would recommend not doing a one day per week program if you keep it up. LO was younger (10 months) when she started daycare but she was struggling with 2 days per week so we increased to 3 days temporarily to accelerate the adjustment.

@chopsuey: That's encouraging to hear. We had a hard time with part-time daycare when LO was 10-20 months but we will try preschool again in the fall when she's almost 3. Hoping we don't have a repeat!

I would pull him out.

My very social daughter had her separation anxiety kicked off by my one day attempt at a day care, haha. I think 18 months is actually potentially the worst timing because it's a common age for separation anxiety.

Not a trace of that anxiety left at 21 months by the way. I just came back from a 5 day vacation in NYC with my husband while she stayed with my parents.

I would pull him out, wait a couple months till things calmed down (he'll no longer be on the look out for you leaving him) then hire a regular babysitter for once or twice or three times a week for a couple of hours. After 2 days? of you being there while the babysitter engages him and plays with him he'll probably (no guarantee! but I think very very likely) will be fine with you leaving. The break is a great idea for you but if possible I think much better to do it in a way that works for him too.

I think the number of kids that are good with preschool at 3 years old is much much much large than the number of kids that are good with day care at 3 months to 2 years. If there is no necessity I don't think it's a good idea to push him, his distress is very real.