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I would have a real problem with that kind of teacher because from the way you're describing it, she's got a bad attitude towards all the kids, not just your's.

RE: that "too big" child. My 3 year old is 41" tall, just potty trained like 2 weeks after turning 3, and is slightly behind on speech. While I love my son's current teachers, I am very vigilant about how my son is treated because of these specific factors and constantly find myself telling people how he "just turned 3" or whatever so they don't put some unreasonable expectations on him. At his first daycare (that he started when he was 16 months old and basically nonverbal), other parents asked all the time why my son couldn't talk or wasn't potty trained or whatever because he was tall. They literally thought he was like 4 years old with learning disabilities. The daycare owner rightly defended him and would say "he's perfectly normal, he's only 1 year old!" Perhaps I'm sensitive because I was also very tall as a child and was constantly mistreated because people assumed I was older and more mature, but if I ever got a whiff of something like that from a teacher, I would nip it in the bud for sure.

There's no reason for a teacher to yell at kids for perfectly normal things like pooping in a diaper or being age appropriately rowdy or playful. And I would for sure not appreciate an assistant weighing in on what is going on with the speech therapist unless the therapist asked. I would talk to the director, because I doubt the teacher could do anything about it.

Agree with the above poster - talk to the director. It is her job to respond to feedback from parents and address teacher behaviors, assistant or not. Plus, as others have said, it sounds like a general issue that affects all of the kids, not just yours, so I think involving the director is appropriate. That's what I would do. Good luck. I am extremely sensitive about daycare teacher behavior because, like you, I very much rely on the people our son is with/depending on 9 hours a day while his parents work.

I had a similar experience recently. My 4yo moved up to the 4yo class with a new teacher (new to the daycare, he's been there for 2 years) and all of a sudden every day at pickup I was hearing how naughty he was, how many times he was in time out, how he wasnt "respectful" (he blew a raspberry at her, for example) etc. I only do pickup occasionally (I drop off before she gets in) and so my MIL was also hearing it, or occasionally my 15yo SIL would run into the school while my FIL waited in the car to pick up the kids and the teacher would also complain to her (and in front of my 6yo who goes there for aftercare).

I ended up calling and having a phone conference with the director and asst director, who clearly did not know what the teacher was saying to us or how frequently she was being negative. I explained how inappropriate it was for her to complain about him in front of him + my older son, how she shouldnt say anything to my teenage SIL, and if there is truly a problem to give me a call or send an email or a note. They apologized for the teacher and for her tone (calling him naughty, etc) and explained that the asst director would start working directly with D to find a new strategy. That was a few weeks ago and the situation has improved a ton - they gave him and his buddies classroom chores to help with and for whatever reason that helps them stay focused. They also just accept that he wont nap and a different teacher takes him so he won't disturb the sleeping kids (instead of punishing him after he does).

So, I think you should appeal to a higher authority (prob the director) and ask what their ideas are to improve the situation. The main teacher may also be frustrated and want parents to speak up so the assistants behavior can be dealt with.

Good luck, I know this is stressful!

@lioneyes: its tough to handle these kinds of situations. I think that for successful resolution you also need to address these things directly with the assistant teacher. People respond much better to these things when you speak to them directly (as uncomfortable as it may be)