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I didn't have the exact situation, but my son was dependent on arms / cosleeping for naps until 12 months. I walled you about what worked for us awhile back, I think.

I would recommend contacting a sleep consultant. I know other bees have done it before, so hopefully they will chime in. I cannot imagine your quality of life is that great with her being pretty much 100% reliant on you to fall asleep. That would seriously stress me out.

I think ultimately you are going to have to reach your breaking point (if you haven't already) and say that this is the end. That's what happened to us at 12 months - we realized our son was literally holding us hostage. We were never getting breaks from him during nap time because someone was either napping with him or holding him. It stopped working for our family. Since we had reached our breaking point we were both fully on board with doing whatever it meant to get him sleeping on his own in his crib.

Are you opposed to sleep training? Our pediatricians sugesstions were life saving and pretty pain free. We got in the habit of co sleeping and that's not what I wanted for our family.

@CatchAFallingStar: sounds like our kiddos are so similar! My son is 23 months and only within the last few months did I figure out how to get him to sleep by just lying next to him! I think he had to be ready, I am in camp "sleep is developmental" and could totally see this in my son. I don't think you have to sleep train or hire a sleep consultant unless you feel it's right for you. I'll tell you how it worked for me. I had a bit of a head start though because my husband has had to put my son to sleep 3 nights a week, so I knew it was possible! I'll try to write out how it all progressed.

-Pretty early I was nursing him to sleep on our bed and rolling away. It ended up not working 100% of the time, and I fell into a habit of nursing both sides thoroughly, then bouncing on an exercise ball until asleep, then nursing again when I lay him down. It was a long process and I wasn't super fond of it but I didn't know how to change.
-Sometime around 15-18m, I found out he had a lot of early tooth decay showing up on his front teeth. I was heart broken and felt so guilty, the dentist basically said night nursing shouldn't cause it but night wean anyways because it can when combined with stuck food. I decided to night wean, and did so by nursing him thoroughly, brushing teeth, and then bouncing him to sleep until in a deep sleep and I could lie him down. It was a process but he got used to it pretty well. Did the bouncing again for night feedings. For some reason it stuck with bedtime but he started waking up around 3 and nothing settles him besides nursing. But that's another story, and not your problem!
-My husband used to bounce him all the way to sleep but he got fed up with how long it took and sometimes would barely work, so one day he just lay down and pretended to be asleep. It worked and ever since then for the most part, that's how he put him to sleep! I was so jealous. Months later, like with in the last 2-3 months, I was finally able to start laying down as well! I had been trying periodically after nursing and teeth brushing and he would always either start crying or play for a while in the dark and then cry again. But one day, he played and then fell asleep! To me that was basically falling asleep on his own. Ever since then, he will fall asleep about half the time with me lying there. The other half of the time he starts crying and demanding "b! B" and needs me to bounce him. We are on vacation and my plan when we get home is to throw out the ball, hopefully he's forgotten it!

Anyways, this is super long winded, but I wanted to share our journey with you since some key parts of your story reminded me so much of mine!

@CatchAFallingStar: