I have 2 kids (2 and 4-years) and we haven’t ruled out a 3rd. Recently I’ve heard a lot of honest, well-intentioned moms of 3 tell me some version of “I love my 3rd but don’t do it!” Any moms of 3 have a different perspective? If so, what do you like about having 3? What changed having 3 from 2? Thank you!
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I had 3 boys 3 and under and we’re going to have 1 more, if that’s any indication how it’s going
Laundry exponentially increased (as did our grocery bills ) but absolutely no regrets!
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I have 3 (6, 4 and 1) and when people ask me I usually say “I love it but I can’t in good co science recommend it”
You can’t really divide and conquer. Your hands are always full. You (as parents) are outnumbered. It’s a juggling act. It makes things like hotels more complicated (standard rooms are capped at 4 occupants usually so you either lie or spring for a suite- we usually lie
But ... I am SUPER laid back and have a high tolerance for chaos! If that’s not you it’s probably a terrible idea. I love it but I absolutely don’t recommend it to people.
Plus how sweet is this:
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@AnnabelleG: we have 3 and are still adjusting to it since the youngest is just a few months old. It is wonderful and chaotic all at once. I still think the biggest change is from 1 kid to 2 kids though. The only thing with having 3 is that you are outnumbered and it can be tricky getting the balance right in terms of managing your time.
Also 3 kids makes transportion tricker as not all cars comfortably seat 3 car seats.
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@AnnabelleG: So maybe take my answer with a grain of salt as we went from 2 to 4 in one go but I love having more than 2. While 2 was definitely easier as we could easily divide and conquer we had always parented more in a zone defense kind of way anyway. So the change for us was minimal but I also have a very involved husband that has always taken a very active part in parenting.
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Following bc I’m about to have three in June. Although @MsMini’s response didn’t really make me feel confident
such a sweet picture though!
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We were aiming for two, but our second turned out to be twins. They are currently 7mo. I never expected to have three kids and really braced myself for utter chaos. So far it is... not easy, but not as bad as I expected.
People talk about divide and conquer... well it still works with three to a certain extent. Obviously it’s not one-on-one, but we often do things like have one parent wear a baby while taking our older one to a birthday party. The other baby stays home. So we are each only dealing with one baby which seems way easier when you are used to two.
I would also pay attention to your age gap. My son is 4.5 years older than the babies. He is pretty independent and does not really get jealous of them. In fact he is super sweet towards them and even helpful sometimes. This is a sharp contrast to when he was two and he used to get jealous when I held our cat 🤣
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We have seen no difference going from 2 to 3. Ours are 6.5, 5 and 9 months. It really helps that my two older girls were very independent when I had our 3rd. They are more helpful than needing help. I think giving my two older girls a baby sibling was the best gift they have ever received. They play with her and hold her. It is the most heart warming thing to watch our baby laugh and smile with them. For us I think it will be the most chaotic once all 3 are in activities at the same time. But we have grandparents close by who will be willing to help out with that. I love the saying “you may regret not having another child but you will never regret having a child” or something along those lines.
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I don't know, it's been easier to go from 2 to 3, then from 1 to 2, because my third is much more laid-back then my second. It also helped that we waited until the second LO was more or less reasonable and independent. But the downsides: more years of not sleeping enough, more years of not traveling far, more years of child care drop-offs and mad dashes to make it to pickup, and (for me) more years of putting medical issues on hold because logistics and nursing. More years when your well-being comes last because even when you're sick, someone needs you. My husband helps as much as he can, but the baby is still velcro-ed to me by nursing so I haven't had a time in months when I can just fall on a bed and lie there, or run off to see the doctor without planning my visit in great detail.
@bees_knees: yes, OMG the grocery bills! And I never stop cooking!!! It's like Groundhog Day with the food here.
@MsMini: awww so cute!!!
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I think @MsMini: put it well! Mine were 6.5 and 3.5 when little sister was born, so pretty independent. I wanted another one so much and we love having another baby - especially for my oldest it has been really fun. Seeing the kids together, having another little person, those are the awesome parts.
On the down side it really made my 3 (now 4) yo crazy, he just loses all sense around her which can be hard. I solo almost all the time during the week and SAH and 3 is the number that really made that hard for me, hard to get things done. I think a big part is the amount of time I need to spend nursing and then scheduling that around dropoff and pickup and life for two kids who are in different schools due to age. Just a lot of running around. On the plus side even though my dh is not home a lot, especially when kids are awake, he has really stepped up on things around the house he didn’t do before. Part of the chaos also is that our third seems to have a reflux issue - it made her a little more difficult and there’s so much laundry and she doesn’t sleep well (6m now). I don’t know what it will be like when she’s mobile - then I’ll be constantly chasing down legos and markers to keep them from her!
If I could go back I would not change a thing. But it has been a hard year between end of pregnancy and baby and we’re exhausted!
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I have 3 all approximately 2 years apart (currently 2,4,&6). It is undeniably hard, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. There is more chaos, but there is more love. I knew in my soul that I was a mom of 3 and my heart felt incomplete until my 3rd arrived. Our family is now whole.
I am a FT working mom and it is HARD. I have almost no time to myself and I’m always tired. But they are my world and when I see them all together it is
I think you have to really want it to go for the 3!
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Love having 3. Honestly the 1 to 2 transition was harder than 2 to 3. However our third baby is very chill and the 5 year old is finally helpful. The 3 year old is easier than her brother was at 3
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hmm... i'd say having 3 was only a tiny change in comparison to going from 0-1 and 1-2. maybe we were just so used to everything being loud and busy coupled with our third being a pretty chill baby, but in many ways it didn't change much. just more to love! They are currently 6, 5 and 3. LO4 is arriving in a few months, we'll see how that goes!
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@AnnabelleG: Most everyone I know with 3 kids tells me not to do it. And then the ones with 3+ kids that say its no big deal also seem to live like a circus!
I am still on the fence about a third, but really don't think its in my best interest. 
ETA: if i was a SAHM, I would probably be more willing to have a 3rd.
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@bees_knees: So sweet, and yes, expensive!
@MsMini: Such a beautiful picture! That's a great point about your tolerance for chaos. My tolerance level is still undecided...
@Mrsbells: Being outnumbered is definitely on my brain!
@Pumuckl: Absolutely! Involved SOs make all the difference..
@ElbieKay: The age gap sounds really important... My 2-year old would freak out now, but maybe in a couple years he'd enjoy a baby...
@Lindsay05: Having family around is so helpful! We wouldn't have had our 2 so close together without my parents nearby, that's for sure!
@bhbee: Sounds so exhausting! I'm solo a lot right now too, it's rough sometimes!
@Mamatimes3: Love it. More chaos, more love, more exhaustion.
@ChitownRo: If I knew I'd get a chill 3rd my decision might be a little easier... Our 2nd is like 2 kids rolled into one, so I worry a little about getting another (beautiful, sweet) firecracker!
@tysonja: Good luck and congratulations! Yes, I wonder if our house is so chaotic with 2 busy little boys that a 3rd wouldn't make it all that much more chaotic...or maybe I'm just fooling myself!
@agold: Yes about being a SAHM, I think that might make my decision a little easier too! -
@Mama Bird: Everything you said is why I think I shouldn't have a 3rd!! And if I wait for number 2 to be reasonably independent, I may be too old!
@MsMini: "have a high tolerance for chaos" is definitely NOT something I have. And so may of these responses mention chaos!
But your picture is so sweet!!!!
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@agold: I agree about going for 3 if I was a SAHM. In some ways I would really love to have a big crazy circus family, but I know I couldn't balance it with my crazy circus job that I really love. It seems like the third baby has been the breaking point for several of my intense career-minded mama friends. I like having the mixture of work, family, and me-time, so I don't think 3 is in the cards for us. But I sometimes miss the idea of a big chaotic family! (Clearly, since I am reading through all of these posts!)
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@hitchhiker: Ditto to everything you said!!!
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@hitchhiker: this is my thinking 100%!! if i could just have 1.5 the current amount of time i would do it!
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We waffled about having a third for years and finally decided to just give it a shot and if we didn't get pregnant by the time my youngest turned 3 we decided we'd just be fine with 2 kids and stop trying. We ended up getting pregnant, and the entire time I was pregnant I was really nervous about how #3 would change things.
He's 10 months now (older two are 6 and 4) and seriously the best, and I am so happy with how things have worked out. Yes life is a little crazier and more chaotic, but the extra love and family dynamics having him add to our family are worth the chaos x 1,000. We both work FT out of the house but DH is super involved and helpful and it honestly doesn't feel that stressful or crazy. We both still have "me" time out of the house at least once a week, our house is actually less of a mess with 3 than it was with 2, and things generally are just great. Times it is stressful so far have just been when kids are sick and it feels like we will never all be healthy again, but it feels like that with 2 kids anyway! For me especially, this year I've really focused on self care and what *I* need to help run this family, instead of being a martyr and just running myself into the ground. I ask for help when I need it and let DH know when I'm overwhelmed, and we're a good team figuring out how to make things run smoother. The other thing that helped a lot is that my older 2 were 3 and 5 when he was born and were pretty independent already, and we are actively asking the kids to help more than we were when we just had 2 (i.e. we now make them clear their plates after eating, which is such a simple thing but makes OUR lives way easier to not spend time cleaning up after them!)
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My best friend is a SAHM of 3, ages 7, 5.5, and 3 and while she loves her 3 personally, she often says she feels much more overwhelmed, stressed, and chaotic when they're all home / together. She also says it's so much more expensive due to cars, hotels, groceries, and BOGO deals aren't as helpful.
She often kind of jokes , "maybe I wasn't meant to be a mom of 3 but well here I am"
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@agold: exactly what you said, on everything. Even though I’m really patient with our kids, my husband and I both have an exceptionally low tolerance for chaos and disorder, which is something I really never considered (or rather, never realized about us) before we actually had our first.
@Mama Bird: your description is what I’d expect but articulated better than I could have guessed. I’m 36 and a half with a 6-month-old second baby, and I think we’re done—but I can’t shake this disappointment in our choice to not go for a third—it feels selfish to me to choose a clean house and rest for a couple of years instead of a precious life. -
@HappyBaker: wow, this is great to hear. you make it sound doable!
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@LCTBQE: Hi. You and I are basically twins. Omg. I also feel the same about NOT trying for a third!!!
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@nwm: some days are hard and I’m tired for sure,, but I honestly feel like my marriage is better with 3 than it was with 2 because we just don’t have time for any BS. Like in the past if we argued about something we’d let it stew and both be dicks to each other for a few days, whereas now we deal with stuff immediately and talk through it because our daily life can’t handle us not being a team.
Also yes we needed a bigger car, and some situations are certainly trickier with 3 kids but in reality we travel maybe 1 week a year and I’d rather deal with getting two rooms or a condo than to not have this entire person in family! He is more than worth the inconvenience:-)
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For reference, I work part time mostly on weekends. My husbands job requires him to travel during the week so I solo parent also.
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@HappyBaker: Ha--this sounds like you are describing my marriage and also marriage goals. Though we're working and getting better at getting the dickishness out in the open and working through. Do you mind if I ask how many hours you and your DH work out of the house?
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@nwm: yes! I work 40 hours and have a 30 minute commute, DH works 45-55 and has a 45 minute commute. He’s gotten better at making sure to be home by 6 at the latest though and will just do work from home after the kids go to bed if he needs to!
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Going from 2-3 was the easiest transition for my family. The biggest problem these days is that there is not enough room in the tub for them all. Seriously though the hardest thing was the first winter and all the germs shared by the older siblings. Having a young baby and older kids needing to have activities and school and other things that require a lot of running around can be challenging too but these are all problems for a short period of time. I do love my third and I couldn't imagine not having 3. I would never tell anyone to stick to 2.
The laundry is totally insane though. Not gonna lie about that! -
i agree with @Mrsbells: and some others in that 1-2 was WAY harder than 2-3.
i love the way they love each other, there always felt like a missing seat at the table and now it's filled with DD3. yes, there is more chaos, crying, whining and craziness. when someone gets sick, it feels horrible (but i think it feels this way no matter the number of kids!), and there will be more juggling to do when the kids are older with more activities, but we've traveled and will travel with all 3 kids and just budget accordingly. for us, 3 is the magic number and i actively encourage those on the fence to do for it!
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@AnnabelleG: I have 3 and they are super close together. 5, 2.5, and 1. I love it so much.
I heard someone describe having 3 kids as a “small big family.” I do think having 3 tips you over into that “big family” feeling. It’s loud and chaotic and there are shoes everywhere and I buy milk every single time I leave the house. But it’s also fun and funny and full of books and toys and play.
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@HappyBaker: you are officially my idol, haha!
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I guess part of our chaos is we both work out of the house! I am a nurse who works a minimum of 30 hours a week, and a mix of days, nights and weekend shifts. I also have a bad habit of being stuck at work late of having to go in early as I am a senior staff nurse in NICU and when the poop hits the fan I get called in for OT. Luckily DH has a normal Monday-friday job but he averages 50 hours/week. He pulls a LOT of weight at home, but the combination adds a lot to our juggling act, We both like pretty things though so we both need to work. Our calendar is a mess of my shifts, daycare, school days off, before and after school care, and 3-5 different sports/activities depending on the season etc. We use a lot of technology to manage our life for sure.
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@My Only Sunshine: this is the same age gap that my three will be! I’m glad that you love it. I’m having a lot of anxiety about the youngest two being so close in age and how I’ll handle it.
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Oh my goodness inspired and encouraged by all
of you mamas juggling three! Expecting our third in June. I’ve always known “in my soul” that I’d want a third and now that it’s three months away, I’m so excited but crazy anxious too. So great to hear of your experiences so far and honest thoughts.
Laundry exponentially increased (as did our grocery bills 
such a sweet picture though!
I am still on the fence about a third, but really don't think its in my best interest. 
ETA: if i was a SAHM, I would probably be more willing to have a 3rd.
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