Logan is pee trained, but refuses to poop on the potty. He denies having to go poop, but begs to get ready for bed (because it means he gets a diaper on) and then will hide and poop in the diaper. I'm concerned that he's holding his poop all day (or longer) to poop in a diaper and he seems scared of going on the potty (he won't even entertain the idea or try).
Any advice??
persimmon / 1095 posts
Following. S will just poop in his underwear, but only with us. Otherwise, he holds it during the day.
nectarine / 2400 posts
I think him knowing he has to poop is good so maybe make a deal like you can have a diaper but you have to at least be in the bathroom. Then he’ll get used to pooping there and you can then move on to the potty when he’s comfortable
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@gotkimchi: Hmm... he knows he has to poop, but won't admit it. He just starts whining and saying he needs a diaper change (even though he's not wearing a diaper) or saying he wants to go to bed (because then he gets a diaper). But it's something to try, certainly! Thanks!
pear / 1767 posts
My son did the exact same thing. It was like he was pottytrained to ask for a pull up and then he’d put it on and go to the corner of the room to poop. When we refused to give him one, he’d just hold it. Eventually, we got a suppository for him and got him to sit on the potty and everything came out. That gave him the confidence that he could do it and reassurance that it wouldn’t hurt. We threw him a big “Poo poo” party and we bought a grocery store cake with balloons and FaceTimed the grandparents, etc. After that, he was fully pottytrained.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
My daughter was exactly the same. It took time (for months, nothing we tried would help, constipation got really bad, etc.), and when she was about 3.5, we came across the Daniel Tiger Stop and Go potty game, which we put on an old iPhone, and told her she can play it only if she sat on the potty to poop. That motivated her to sit long enough, and when she actually did poop, we made a big deal about how easy it was. A few more tries and she was fine.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Mrs. Carrot: Awesome, thanks! It sounds like just getting them to go a couple times on the potty is the key and then once they realize it's not so bad, they'll be over the hump. Hopefully I can figure out something that will work with Logan. I'll check out that Daniel Tiger game. 
pear / 1717 posts
DS would do the same thing and we would just ask him if he had to go yucky (usually because he would be farting so we knew it was time) and now he'll just get a pull up and tell us he has to go yucky then when he's done he asks to be clean. We are seriously hoping he soon discovers the toilet is great for pooping lol
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I would let him have a pull up, but he has to poop in the bathroom, and then eventually, work up to sitting on the toilet, while wearing the pull up. Then, when he's mastered that, remove the pull up and he's pooping on the toilet.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@looch: That sounds like a reasonable transition. I just need him to get comfortable even asking for the pull-up I think! He was whining and crying near the potty yesterday and I asked if he had to go poop and he just said no and laid down on the floor next to the potty, whimpering. So then I told him if he wanted a diaper, he could have one, and he just kept saying no and crying, until I finally said "Do you want to get ready for bed and we'll put on a diaper?" and he said yes to that and then let me put a diaper on him. Then he hid under the table while he was pooping. I felt so bad. 
honeydew / 7463 posts
FWIW my ped said this is very normal (pee ok on potty but poop not. And asking for a diaper and hiding). She kind of said to ride it out and wait till he wants to.
Mine will actually tell me he needs privacy and tell me not to look at him or to leave him alone.
I’ll admit sometimes I’m impatient (internally, not towards him) that he doesn’t just do it already. He turned 3 in sept.
I think when we get closer to 3.5 (in a couple months) I’ll be more aggressive.
@Shantuck: The suppository has crossed my mind, not even from research, I’ve just wondered if it would work. Since he says he “doesn’t know how” to go on the potty. I can occasionally get him to sit there and he’ll push but ends up crying saying he doesn’t know how. So I’ve wondered if the suppository would empty him on the toilet and give him confidence.
He’s very aware of it. He says he doesn’t know how and some day he’ll know how just not yet. My sister sort of traumatized her oldest (her own admission) so I’m just afraid to do the same.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@SweetiePie: That's good to hear that your pediatrician says this is normal! I'm trying to get Logan to at least be comfortable asking for a diaper. I'd rather he ask for a diaper and poop in it than hold it and make any issues worse!
honeydew / 7463 posts
@Adira: Is he constipated already when he goes at end of the day? My guy only poops once a day or every other. So once a day could just be normal for him? And maybe his body would then regulate to happen end of day anyway (again mine tends to go around the same time every day with an exception once a week maybe).
I guess I’m saying if he doesn’t already seem bothered by it (constipated) I wouldn’t be too worried.
pear / 1767 posts
@SweetiePie: We probably aren’t going to win any parenting awards for that but he hadn’t pooped in a few days. It took about 10 minutes and he felt the urge to go. This was my husband’s idea and since my gentler approaches hadn’t worked, I went with it.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@SweetiePie: He does have bouts of constipation, in that sometimes his poops are firmer/dryer than other times, but it's not all the time. I don't know if those times have made him fear going on the potty or not though? Yesterday when this happened, he grunted a lot and seemed to be straining when he pooped in his diaper, but it was fairly soft when I cleaned it up, so not sure what the issue was...
honeydew / 7463 posts
@Shantuck: yeah that’s why I’ve hesitated. He’s not actually constipated. But I guess if I refuse a diaper he might end up being constipated so then I could try.
I’m not there yet but he’ll be 3.5 exactly when DS2 is born so I’m trying to decide overall if I should put more pressure on before or after the baby. Not so much for his sake but for mine. Like what will be easiest on me. Lol.
I still don’t plan on being very forceful but for now I just say OK to the diaper and occasionally ask about the potty. I want to start delaying the diaper a bit and being more insistent but I don’t want him to cry over it or anything.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
I agree with @looch about making the transition to the bathroom. You might actually think about leaving a basket of pull ups on top of the toilet tank and tell him to grab one and let you know if he needs to poop. Then you can put him in the pull up, but tell him we poop in the bathroom and then let him go in there for privacy. In fact, I might then take the pull up off and drop the poop in the toilet, let him flush, and then have him bend over to get wiped. Then wash hands. That would bring most of the toileting routine into the bathroom where it belongs.
This might be a little TMI, but for a while, we also left our doors open while we used the bathroom at home so our son could see us go. More so DH I guess, but I think it helped our son observe. DH would announce that he had to go to the potty and that he would be right back and then half the time, DS1 wanted to follow Daddy to the potty. So I think he just got more comfortable with the idea of it all.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@gingerbebe: Thanks, good ideas!! And we do the same - we leave the doors up and I'll even tell Logan (especially now) that I'm going poop and try to explain what it feels like and then show it to him in the potty afterwards. He seems interested, but then when he has to go, it's a no-go. And I'm pretty sure he usually just holds it and poops in his nap diaper or bedtime diaper. Yesterday was really the first time that it seemed like he COULDN'T hold it, which I think was why he was getting so upset... he wanted a diaper, but he didn't want to ask for one. I don't know. Poor kid!
apricot / 264 posts
This is very common. For our 3.5 year Old, pooping in the potty is still hit or miss. We keep trying but I’m not really worried at this point. It will happen. I’ve heard the suggestions above about transitioning to the bathroom. I’ve also heard to even sit them on the potty with the pull up and have them poop. And then eventually transition out of the pull up.
Kids do it at their own pace. It’s frustrating but so true.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Mamatimes3: It's encouraging to hear this is pretty normal! I never had this experience with my oldest, who has also never experienced constipation (I suspect the lack of dairy in his diet helps with that). He pooped on the potty the very first day of potty training and has never had an issue with it, so having my youngest refuse to is all new to me!
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
@Adira: I think getting him to ask for a diaper is the battle to focus on right now. I noticed with my daughter that nothing really worked for her to go on the potty until she felt comfortable herself, and when we pushed her, it only made her more hesitant. If he feels comfortable that you guys won't "judge" him (as much as 3 year olds can understand that) for using a pull up, it might move him toward the potty faster as well.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
@Adira: The grunting is actually likely him trying to hold it in rather than trying to get it out (sorry to be so verbose on this, I swear I read everything and talked to everyone about this when we were struggling with it lol). Kids who are afraid of pooping are usually so because at some point it hurt, and they try to avoid it because of that one incident whenever it might have happened. And since he's avoiding asking for a pull up or going to the potty, he's avoiding the poop in general, not just the method for getting it out. That's where it really helped for our daughter to give her time to be willing to try (and we had to utilize some aggressive de-constipation methods as well, like prune juice, and sometimes Maalox) to make the poop feel softer and less scary.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Mrs. Carrot: Thanks! That's helpful!! I know that Logan has definitely been constipated at times, so that could definitely be part of the issue. I'll have to look into changing his diet so that it's less likely and try, for not, on getting him at least comfortable asking for a diaper... getting Hubs on board might be a challenge though... the whole reason we potty trained was because Hubs was sick of changing poopy diapers. 
pomelo / 5621 posts
Sorry your going through this. It took what felt like forever before Isaac pooped in the potty. Patience and time. He will still only go at home and we make sure to tell him to go every night. If he doesn't accidents are sure to happen. Hopefully you can get him comfortable with asking for a pull up.
coconut / 8483 posts
My son did this. He would hold his poop and beg for a diaper at nap time. Eventually we just said no. No nap until you poop. He was running around begging and we kept putting him on the toilet and finally he went. He repeated the drama for a few days at the same time and eventually got less dramatic.
I'd say for a month or a bit more though he didn't want to go. He wouldn't do it in a diaper any more, but would deny having to go and lie on the ground to avoid crapping himself until we finally convinced him it was time to try.
He's a pro now 
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Mrs. Champagne: Thanks for sharing what you did! I thought about trying to force him to sit on the potty when I know he has to poop, but he's EXTREMELY stubborn and independent and I'm worried that will just make him resist even more. I found that when I was trying to force things (or coerce him) when he was learning to pee, he ended up having more accidents than when I just let him take the lead and do it himself (with bribery, of course).
coconut / 8483 posts
@Adira: oh my son was pretty stubborn too. The first time he did it my husband literally sat on the back of the toilet and held DS in place. He had to go so bad it basically just fell out. So we had a huge party. Went to the toy store. Called grandma. Etc. Such drama!! Lol
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Mrs. Champagne: That kind of happened with Logan once - I don't know that my husband forced him to stay on the potty, but he did poop in the potty once early on in our potty training journey. But the whole thing just seemed to traumatize him! He cried before, during, and after and was just shaking with tears! Then he refused to even sit on the potty for days and just had accident after accident. We backed off him and added bribery to get him to go back to peeing on the potty, but he hasn't sat on the potty to poop since. I'm kind of nervous about traumatizing him again!!
pomegranate / 3438 posts
For us it was positioning. He likes to squat while he pooped so the doctor recommended getting a stool with a handle so he could basically squat over the toilet. It worked for him. Once he was going at home he started going at school without any problems.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@KT326: I actually just read a suggestion about having them turn around and sit on the potty backwards so they can hold onto the back, so maybe we'll try that! Thanks!
clementine / 950 posts
Didn’t read previous responses but my son was exactly the same.
I cut holes in the diaper for a few times and once he realized it felt the same he was ok without.
I tried a zillion other methods but once I tried that he was completely fine!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@fuzzypeaches: Did you have him sit on the potty with the diaper on before you cut holes in the diaper? I hope? 
clementine / 950 posts
@Adira: lol yes of couRse!
But he was honestly terrified and freaked out every time. Finally I was like you can have a diaper if you sit on the potty.
I called them “special potty diapers”
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
UGH! I was worried about constipation, so I wanted Logan to feel comfortable asking for a diaper to poop, but instead he tricked me and asked for a diaper and then peed in it instead! So now I feel like I can't even offer him a diaper for pooping since I can't trust him to use it just for that and I don't want to completely regress on potty training. This sucks!
pea / 24 posts
I don't have anything new to add but just wanted to say that you're not alone! We went through this with my daughter and even the constipation too - that was no fun! We did finally turn a corner after at least a dozen days of crying about it on the potty. She's potty trained now, so hopefully yours will be too!!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@zojirushi: Did you have to talk to your pediatrician at all to deal with the constipation?
grapefruit / 4278 posts
We struggled a lot with E to poop on the potty. We tried to hold out, but no amount of bribing or even the occasional threat made him want to even try to poop on the potty. I took a VERY casual approach to it, which probably isn't the popular method, but worked for our busy lifestyle. He started to hold and was getting constipated, so I put him back in pull-ups to wait it out. I was lucky that he didn't really revert to peeing in the pull-up. He would hide to go poop, so I would ask him every time if he wanted to try the potty. He always said no... until the day he said yes. He never had an accident after that, he just decided when he was ready. Which was about 6 months after he was pee trained 
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