I loved how this post discusses how to be honest with your kids, and to treat them with respect.
Does this resonate with you?
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@aprk: I love it. I know a lot of moms swear by redirection but I am too blunt or that and I like to set clear outdoes and precedence. That being said: my son is 7.5m old and I actually don't know what kind of discipline techniques I will be using. I love reading different methods. So far, I like and can follow this train of thought! (In the article).
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Love it! I've never really been a fan of redirection, I prefer to make clear boundaries & stick with expecting & enforcing them.
ETA: I think a fine no & removal works in the toddler age AND tbh, after seeing how always explaining things are now having a negative affect on how G listens to & follows instruction, I think it's more okay more of the time than most would think. I don't need to explain to P why she needs to not do something.. as she gets older we will more, but right now I'm okay with her getting upset about not getting her way. Thus far we haven't had any tantrum issues & I never really had any of those issues with G either.
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My son doesn't (has never) redirected. So we use many of these. I am not good at the whole narrating thing as I am much more a dictator. But there is also very little that I care too much about that we actually discipline for.
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@runsyellowlites: Same...I just lay down expectations and remind DS to follow them.
I do the same with our dogs, too, lol
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My take on it is this.. Redirection and enforcing boundaries aren't mutually exclusive. In that first example about drawing on the sofa that actually is both enforcing a boundary and redirecting.. Redirection can also be helpful because there are some concepts that can be enforced but not fully explained to young children. For example not letting them take a toy from a friend, but not going straight into the necessity for and meanin of sharing.
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Younger toddlers won't really get the connection even if you set a boundary. I'd much rather avoid a battle, therefore. Later, when the child can understand, I'm all for boundaries and talking it out.
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I think it's a good article and tips.. However how likely is it that I can explain to my toddler in a way he can understand WHY he can't do something? Highly unlikely. Even no doesn't seem to jar him. At 15 months its impossible to expect him to understand the whys of why he cannot do something.
At this point redirection is our only option. I can still say, "J you cannot do this because ..." And THEN redirect him, acknowledging that soon enough he will understand!
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I'm a fan of forbidding the undesirable behavior, but promptly offering an alternative that could satiate the same goal. i.e. "No coloring on the couch, but you can have paper!" or, "No cookies before dinner, but here's a peanut butter cracker." Momentarily engaging in the alternative activity can often encourage children to remain content with a different approach to the same need - i.e. mom draws a happy face on the paper before handing child the crayon, or enthusiastically nibbles the corner of the peanut butter cracker before offering it.
I think it's good to acknowledge the need (the child wants to color, or he/she needs a snack), while still setting and enforcing reasonable boundaries.
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Redirection does have it's place in learning, especially to help eliminate behaviors that should be ignored (ones that are not dangerous or destructive but are designed for attention-seeking). But I think redirection is way over-used and this article does a great job pointing out its issues.
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Being 22, I was raised with redirection (and everyone gets a trophy type of stuff) and I struggle with conflict. I avoid it at all costs, even when I know I'm right. This really resonated with me because I can really see how it could impact the child's ability to cope with conflict, cope with disappointment, etc.
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I like redirection and like others have said it doesn't mean you don't explain why they need redirected. I usually say oh 'we don't draw on the couch' and then I'll give her a piece of paper to draw on. Or 'oww, the way you're brushing mama's hair hurts' and then give her a doll or a different toy to play with. I think it's good to let them know what they can do when saying what they can't do. Too many nos lead to frustration.
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We use a lot of redirection at times when I don't think LO is capable of understanding a discussion about boundaries and rules and such, like if he's overtired or hungry or sick or something.
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12 comments