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Nothing helpful to share unfortunately but sending love. Don’t ignore a mama’s instinct! Fight for your girl!

I think I could have written your post! It sounds so much like my 5 (almost 6) year old daughter. We have her 6 year check up next month and I’m going to address with the pediatrician then and try and figure out what to do next.

I would say that typically 5 is on the younger end to diagnose ADHD, but evaluations never hurt. I would also recommend a developmental pediatrician or child psychologist who specializes in ADHD. Also, I wanted to recommend Russell Barkley's books. He is one of the most well-known researchers on ADHD and he is a great resource for parents to learn behavioral ways to manage ADHD issues.

If this was my daughter, i would have an evaluation done for dyslexia. It can be diagnosed in kids as young as 5 and is often the reason for some behaviors we see in kids as they try to deflect attention into things other than what they are learning.

No insights, but following because I've noticed similar things in my 4yo and have been wondering about ADHD.

I'm a licensed psychologist working in the school setting and I agree with everything that @MamaCate: has said. I find ADHD to be overdiagnosed and would really encourage meds to be tried last. The reason is almost everyone, regardless of age, is going to respond well to ADHD medication and then the thinking goes, "hey, she responded well to the meds, so she must have ADHD!" When that may or may not be the case. The other interventions mentioned above are all good ones to try first.

For families I see in my private practice, I recommend testing through the school first but the truth is, if there isn't an academic issue, she isn't going to qualify for IEP services. Finding a good dev. pediatrician or psychologist/LCSW who specializes in diagnosing ADHD is going to be key. Getting an outside clinician to diagnose her will help her to qualify for section 504 services - someone else mentioned above.

Best of luck! Don't hesitate to reach out if you have other questions.

@Baby Boy Mom: I actually agree diet changes are worth trying. It would be something you could do well you’re waiting for an eval. I can’t hurt and it might help

@Foodnerd81: They will typically administer an IQ test and an educational test to see how she is performing academically and in comparison to her peers. She will likely have some other supplemental tests as well, given her young age (speech, ot, etc.) - her exact testing will vary by school district. She would possibly qualify for an IEP under the classification of OHI (other health impaired), but I believe that that requires her to have been diagnosed with ADHD already.

Unfortunately, in my experience with the public school system, most have the "wait and see approach" because the thinking is, well if she's on track academically than her behaviors are not really impacting her all that much. It's a thought process I vehemently disagree with because typically by the time academics becomes impacted, it is very late in the game to be obtaining services for a child and could have been avoided if services had been implemented earlier. Anyway, I digress. I almost always recommend outside evaluations so that you can have evidence of an issue and use that to obtain services, which usually ends up being through Section 504.

I hope your meeting goes well! The school assessment for IEP services is a good first step to take.

@Foodnerd81: The way you described your daughter was exactly the way my son was at that age. He had such a hard time in preschool. He would run out of the classroom to the playground when he didn't want to do something! He was sent home for that one. We had lots of conferences with his teachers and the director. It was just miserable for everyone. He would have these explosive tantrums at home, would crawl under the tables at preschool, disturb the other kids during nap time. He was just a handful.

Then he started Kindergarten (started at 5, turned 6 in March of that school year). The beginning of the year was ok, he was getting used to the rules and new environment. Then November hit. He was hitting other kids, refusing to do his work, sent to the principals office, sent home for the day. It was a tough stretch. After Christmas break things got better and he ended the year on a good note.

He is in first grade now. We just had his parent teacher conference and so far she has had no conflicts or concerns about him. He is excelling academically, and while he still struggles with some social aspects, I can tell the difference from just a year ago.

All this to say, it may just take some time for her to mature. I see it happening with my son. We were on the fence about seeing a developmental pediatrician when he was in preschool but the wait lists for all the ones we called were so long. It would have taken 6+ months and by that time he would have been in kindergarten.

We still have tantrums once in awhile but I've learned how to handle them (I have to completely ignore him and not engage). They last just a few minutes and he's done.

@Foodnerd81: It can't hurt to get the extra help if it is available! I went back and forth because he was doing so well academically. I felt it was just the social part of school he had issues with. He definitely feeds off of other kids and what they are doing. I did put him on a couple wait lists but by the time we got a call it had been almost 8 months and he was in school already. His school has a behavior specialist on site but so far we haven't needed her.

@Foodnerd81: how’s her sleep? This just popped up in my Facebook feed from a dr cousin of mine. I can’t remeber did she have adenoid removed? Does she snore?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2017/09/22/could-adhd-be-a-type-of-sleep-disorder-that-would-fundamentally-change-how-we-treat-it/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.1428775d7680

Hugs, Mama! I don't have any perspective to offer from the parenting side, but I do work with students in special education, many of whom have ADHD. Because of the nature of my classroom, students come to me long after the diagnosis phase of the process, so I can't speak much to that, either, but if it's not already on your radar, I would see if your insurance will cover a few sessions with an OT. Lots of kids with ADHD (and many with other challenges that make it difficult for them to meet expectations in a typical classroom) need sensory input in different amounts and forms than the rest of us. An OT I work with was recently describing to me the way some of our students' brains process rotation. Spinning at a speed and duration that would make you or me vomit is "just right" for them, helping their brains to settle and attend to a task. I have seen this work for kids in my classroom. Others benefit from very deep pressure (imagine covering C with pillows on the bed, then laying on top of her), some from moving heavy loads, some from spending time upside down . . . An OT would likely be able to suggest some activities that you could build into her daily routine to see if they make a difference in the struggles you are having at home.

@Foodnerd81: Ok, this might be a novel but here goes. So first let me say that we had the same issues with meltdowns after parties, and even during pre k I could always tell when they had treats during snack time because inevitably we would have some tantrum on the way home. So our method has actually been easing in backwards- that is slowly eliminating the carbs, starting with sugar, until we got to the point where we are doing the full gaps diet. So first it was just cutting out sugar and packaged products (honey instead). Then I slowly started replacing our dinner carbs (rice, potatoes) with allowed veggies. So at this point I started making the soup a regular part dinner. I also started making fermented foods. It was overwhelming in the beginning but the actual process is easy to do. Lunches we’ve always done bento style- fruit, veg, protein, so the swaps were easy (cheddar instead of mozzarella sticks, things like that). The hardest thing to get rid of was bread, and I’ve just had to experiment with paleo recipes and eventually you just get used to reaching for something else. This was the hardest part with LO because he was legit “addicted” to bread and we just had to not have it in the house for a while to get over that hump. I am not sure if or when I will do the introduction diet (I did it with my other LO for food allergies and it totally worked but is also very taxing. And yes for him it was strict at first and now more relaxed). My plan is to follow full gaps for about a year (we are only a couple months in) and then start introducing carbs back in. Honestly, the things that have made the most pronounced difference are no sugar and no bread. Just not having them in the house has sort of brought him into more equilibrium. So to answer your question: yesterday he ate: scrambled egg, piece of nut bread with butter, apple. Then tuna salad, cucumber, bell pepper and guacamole. Yogurt with honey and nuts. Then soup, chicken nuggets (homemade), and salad. And I know it can seem like your kid would never eat like this; I definitely thought so before, but it’s amazing how over time your/their palate changes. If you have more questions or want to explore the idea some more let me know and I can also direct you to facebook groups/blogs that make it more accessible because I know the book is a bit intense.

Chiming in with another suggestion that I seem to always be making here - sensory processing disorder. Maybe give it a google and see if that checks any boxes for your daughter. Also, we gave up artificial dyes - they have made some correlations between food dyes and ADHD/SPD (could be another reason for post-birthday party meltdowns - sugar + red 40 = disaster).

@Foodnerd81: our daycare pointed it out to us, but we took him to an occupational therapist who made the diagnosis. (Our OT is amazing and in MIilton if you want the info). TBH, our pediatricians have been fairly useless about this stuff - either saying "oh he's 4" or "A lot of kids are like that!" - not the answers I'm looking for about my kids inability to emotionally regulate!

Food dye was not as hard as I thought it would be! Even goldfish are dye free these days. I allow a little bit (hi Halloween. ugh.) but I always brace for impact.

@Foodnerd81: My hack for checking on the foods if they are yes or no, is to put into google "name_of_food scd legal". Because gaps is based on scd the result is accurate, except that cocoa is scd illegal but allowed on gaps (yay!).

And this is the simplified list I sent my kid's school:
No:
Grains
Legumes (except lentils, navy beans)
Sugar/sweeteners (except honey)
Commercial dairy (except butter and aged hard cheeses)

Yes:
Fruits
Vegetables (except potatoes, sweet potatoes)
Nuts and seeds
Meat and fish
Eggs
Ghee, butter, coconut oil, olive oil

@psw27: Even though it is not in the book specifically, everything I know (and this is the type of stuff I read about in my free time) tells me that SPD is also a gaps condition. Just something to check out.