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Is it possible that the biological parents made the specification? I think if they put their child up for adoption (rather then having them taken away), they have some say in the adoptive parent.

@cocobee We are planning to get certified and do foster to adopt or adopt within the DHS system so I have read similar things when looking at available kids. I am no expert, but have gone to a few classes, etc. and it is my understanding that case workers usually make that call based on previous behaviors in foster placements - i.e. they saw a lot of negative behavior that they identified as being related to not getting enough attention (so they'd prefer the child to go to a home where attention is solely focused on them) or bullying behaviors aimed at younger kids (so they'd prefer the child be the youngest).

The only race restrictions I have seen have been for Native American kids I think - but I would guess if the child was old enough to express a preference, the case worker would respect that and post it. While we are personally very open to exploring trans-racial adoption I know it adds layers to the complexity of the adoption relationship. I've read compelling essays written by people who were adopted into a family of a different race and how it affected them. It breaks my heart, that at least in Iowa, any child over the age of the age of 2 who isn't white is technically considered 'special needs' and harder to adopt (see your state's stipulations here: http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance/questions.cfm?quest_id=1 )

After reading others' responses, I assumed you were looking at adoptions where biological parents' rights were terminated/through the public system (in which case, I don't think the bio-parents have any say). So if you're looking at private adoptions... disregard what I said because I have no idea

@cocobee yep to the best of my knowledge, that site is 100% the public system. But, I know some of them say that parental rights are not yet terminated so maybe in that instance the bioparents would have a say in who adopted? Foster to adopt isn't in every state, but basically you accept kids to foster while things get sorted out but parental rights may or may not be terminated. We're definitely going to adopt, and are investigating the foster to adopt pathway - it would obviously be really hard to give a child "back" after having them for a while Cool that you are investigating adoption too though!

I volunteered locally for an adoption/foster care support agency to help with child care during their support groups and it was a neat way to get some passive insight into the process. Once we get moved and settled in with the new baby we're going to start talking about the certification process.

@Coco Bee: I know it may be shocking, but in severely traumatized kids sexual and physical acting out can occur at a very young age. If that's all you've known in your life, that's how you behave (sadly for those kids).

I have an online friend who was strongly cautioned about other kids in the home when bringing home a ten month old. It takes a lot to terminate parental rights, and that is often reflected in these kids behaviors!

@scg00387: I have always wanted to foster/ adopt. Someday we will. We built our house big enough for a house full of kiddos. :)) I just went to Iowa's adoption page and I am bawling like a baby... my heart breaks that I can't save all of them. You're awesome for doing what you do!

@LemonLong: ICWA is the governing body for native adoptions, but it doesn't make them impossible (depending on the tribe). Our daughter is NA and we had to go through Tribal court but it was all relatively smooth, if a little expensive to hire a lawyer.

@Mrs. Jacks: @Coco Bee: Mrs. Jacks is absolutely right about age of children and damage done. My MIL is a lawyer who represents only abused/neglected children in CA and severe damage and the resulting “acting out” is often seen in children much, much younger than 6 years old. It’s horrible; but often abuse is only discovered in a home when the 5 or 6 year old attempts/acting does physically or sexually abuse an even younger child. Many of her clients are under 5 years old, and have lasting (if not lifetime) emotional damage.

That said; I would be extremely hesitant to bring any child older than infancy into a home with younger children and/or pets unless you are absolutely sure you really have the money, time and resources to devote to addressing all of the (possibly severe) issues a child might have. It’s really sad to see all of these beautiful kids who need loving families; and it’s sad that parents can do so much damage in a relatively short period of time.

@yoursilverlining that is a useful (and depressing) fact to share. I know it is a problem that exists, but definitely need to become more aware and conscious of this as we explore our options with a bio-baby in the house. so, thanks for sharing it and reminding me (and anyone else reading this thread)

@scg00387: people who are doin foster care for native kids do have to go through separate certification, but our daughter was a direct adoption. Her birth mama wanted US to be her parents and did not have a strong affiliation with her tribe. We did go above and beyond the call of duty to get he tribe's sign off, but only because we want M to be able to get her tribal card if she should so desire in the future