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ugh, no profound advice, just commiseration. I try the same things (offering choices, having her help me do task) but they rarely work. I have resorted to other less desirable methods- bribing with treats, doing it while she is distracted (putting on TV and changing diaper/getting her dressed) but I would love to hear other ways that work...hoping others chime in!

My son has been doing the saaaame thing. We've been trying to teach him calming strategies. We do "time outs" where he stands against the wall and we count to three together. Then we encourage him to take "deep breaths" to calm down. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And on some occasions, we will actually see him taking deep breaths to calm himself down on his own. So while our strategy doesn't always work in the heat of the moment (he often still yells, hits, throws himself to the ground, etc), he IS learning how to calm himself. Good luck!

@hilsy85: also, in regards to choices, my MIL was like - STOP! she doesn't get a choice. You know the answer, so giving her a choice and her saying no and then you doing it anyway just makes her even angrier. So just say - time to put on your shoes.

It's tough. Usually I try to make him laugh about it or make it seem fun -- do you want to stand way up high on this chair to get changed? When he is really resisting me. He's 28 months and some days it's ok but other days he gets an idea in his head that he doesn't want to do something and even sheer physical strength won't allow me to overcome him!

@hilsy85: oh trust me, I hate skipping things!! we usually just do 2 activities a day, so that means either my whole morning or afternoon are at home. it hasn't happened a lot because i can usually sway her. I also give her just a few minutes after she says no to finish or get bored of what she is doing and then I ask again.
I cried to my MIL that the books said to give warnings and such, and she (being the old school mom) said oh the books, the books - we had no books! Books also make generalizations and the technique clearly wasn't working for C, so I had no choice but to try another way...and like I said, it's actually working...fingers, toes, and eyes crossed it continues.

Have you tried teaching/singing songs for the transitions? I know it sounds silly but at daycare they have a little tune for just about everything-- cleaning up, walking to/from, washing hands, etc.. I notice my daughter will sing things as she does them, even at home.

@hilsy85: I can commiserate! LO is almost 22 months and I definitely have some rough days with her. Some days nothing I try works, other days we have more success. I would say that she has been much better the last two months, as compared to 18-20 months. Hopefully things don't get worse again, though I know that's definitely possible!

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but here are some things that are at least sorta working for us!
-Choosing our battles. I let her have her way some of the time with things that aren't that important. I don't want her to feel like I'm always bossing her around and she has zero control (though it's possible I'm confusing her because she might not understand why sometimes she gets what she wants and other times she does not). The distinction I make is whether or not she's being calm and talking nicely. Basically, if she disagrees without whining, and it's a reasonable request, I let her do/have what she wants (within reason)... So, if I say, "J, I'm going to get you some blueberries," and she responds, "No, apple." I might say, "You want an apple instead? Ok." However, there are definitely times I can't accommodate her and of course, she doesn't understand why and she gets upset.
-It does seem to help to acknowledge why she's upset (aka Happiest Toddler on the Block). "You are mad because you want to ride your car in the street and mommy said no." I sometimes try to give a simple explanation ("A car will hit you and give you a boo boo"), but she usually still throws a tantrum, though a more short-lived one (than if I didn't acknowledge why she was upset or try to explain).
-I usually will ignore her when she's tantruming, then try to distract/redirect her
-I've noticed rushing is a huge trigger for her. If I allow more time, things go more smoothly. Warnings don't seem to help a ton, but I do give them anyway.
-Saying "bye bye" seems to help her transition. She rode a pony the other day and at the end said, "More ride, more ride," and sounded like she might throw a fit if I took her off. I said, "You want to ride more. You're sad you have to get off. We have to say bye bye though. Say thank you horsey. Bye bye." She loves to say "bye bye" and that usually seems to distract her from having to leave situations she is enjoying. This worked for the horse, and usually works for leaving home (say bye bye doggie, say bye bye house), leaving they park (say bye bye friends, bye bye swings, thank you mommy for fun at the park), etc.
-She likes to do things on her own time. If I am getting push back about something, I will first try to change gears for a minute, do something else, and come back to what it was that I wanted originally. I don't know whether or not this with backfire down the road, but it seems to diffuse things for now. So, for example, if she is resisting putting on a diaper, I might put on her t-shirt, have her brush her teeth, do her hair, then come back to the diaper, and at that point, it's a non-issue. Or if she doesn't want to come sit at the table (she usually eats before us), I will just leave her plate on the table until she is ready to come over...which is usually about 2 minutes later. Often, she does not want to get in the shower with me in the morning, so I will just close her in the bathroom with me and wait for her to open the shower door and come in... usually within a min or two. Again, I don't know if that is giving her too much control, but it seems to help. Other things though, like bedtime, leaving for school, etc. are not negotiable.

I'll offer some commiseration. My daughter *was* quite well behaved as far as toddlers go... until a couple of weeks ago. Now she's a full on toddler terror. This morning we talked about getting dressed for a good 20 minutes. She picked out clothes and everything. But when it finally time to stop delaying and really get dressed she still wouldn't go for it. I ended up pulling off her PJ pants while she screamed "I don't like that!". Then she hit me and pulled my hair. I sent her to time out, but she wouldn't even stay put in time out. I feel like I've lost all control of my child

I don't have any experience yet (DS is 10m) but I remember one of the bloggers doing some kind of chart for getting ready in the morning and every activity was on there they'd get a sticker for doing things. So there would be get dressed, brush hair/teeth, eat breakfast, etc. The steps would all be laid out so there was less issue with transitions. At least, that was their experience. I think it was Mrs. Jacks, but maybe Mrs. Bee had something similar too.

We do a lot of the great tips @78h2o suggested. One other thing I do is try to make things fun. The other day LO (24mo) refused to wash his grimy hands before dinner and there was lots of crying and screaming. I pulled up Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" on my phone and played it for him, danced around the bathroom and sang "Wash it off! Wash it off!" I think he was so distracted/entertained by my antics that he forgot to be upset and let me wash his hands. Basically try to diffuse the situation with silliness.

More commiseration over here! The only thing that occasionally works for me is bribery but I feel like that's winning the battle but not the war. I have to say that I find it reassuring to see that I'm not alone in dealing with this. Gives me hope that our children will grow out of it. I hope that you see relief soon.

@hilsy85: gosh that sounds awful! I am sorry we have not dealt with that intensity yet but have you tried doing some stuff outside? If mine is really antsy sometimes it helps to get him in the stroller or car seat and then put on shoes or sunscreen etc. or changing his diaper on the bed near a window and talking about what we see outside. I totally get when you feel that 'fight' urge click in as a parent! Never seems to end well for me at least, ha! I feel like a jerk and he is still unruly and unhappy. It happens to everyone.