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@Bibliolove: hopeful gingerbebe chimes in. She has great advice about this sort of thing (and everything!).

First, I put everyone on notice that I wasn't doing airport runs, which is something I gladly did before having baby in tow.

I found that my family expected food, drinks, and pre-baby hospitality. While my ILs didn't expect all that they were not particularly helpful with the baby. Personally, overnight guests within the first 2 months doesn't sound fun.

After about a hour or two, basically when baby was ready to nurse again, I really wanted visitors gone.

Yeah it sucks, don't do it. My inlaws came but they stayed at a hotel and my husband took time off to take them places when me and baby were passed out or whatever.

I found the best time is actually RIGHT after the baby is born. They sleep all the time and you can take them places in their infant bucket and people don't expect you to do anything. 6 weeks and later is when it gets really hard because the baby fusses and has leaps and growth spurts and all that. I like people to come the first few weeks but then I don't want anyone around until the baby is past 3-4 months.

My parents came the same week DS was born and stayed with us. They didn't expect us to really do anything. They helped out a ton with cooking and cleaning. Then they came back about six weeks later for Christmas and my sister and her husband came too. They all stayed in an air bnb and it was perfect. We had time alone to decompress and everyone was happy to be together.
Eta: I just nursed in front of everyone or I went to our room to nurse if I felt that I or DS needed a break.

My mom then dad came for the first three weeks. Mom was awesome and set us up with a great routine, and ran the house while I rested as much as possible.
I was worried about Dad, because he is very schedule oriented and doesn't do well with down time. So I specifically told Dad 'when you are here, this is what you'll be doing; and here is a list of things we also need done'
He is a super early riser, so he was in charge of the baby from 4:30am till I woke up (bringing her in to BF) and then had projects (putting together furniture, food shopping, cooking, laundry, washing vehicles, etc)

So my long explaination leads up to this: what do you want out of the visit from your parents?
If you want them to help, specify what their duties will be. If they agree, then they can come.

I would do the same for your sister. If she doesn't plan on coming to work, then they can wait to visit when you can both 'vacation'. However, I think you can get out of having them come visit just by explaining that you don't want their baby to spread germs to your new baby (especially if their baby is in daycare, or any kind of class/meetup) Blame it on the pediatrician if you have to!

Good luck and let us know whenever you get this resolved!

For both my boys I was a hot. ass. mess. from weeks 4-10, with weeks 6-8 being the worst. DS1 is an outlier bc he was born screaming and didn't stop for months, but DS2 was a dream until 3 weeks old when he woke up from that sleepy stage and had his nights and days totally flipped. Super newborns just want to eat and sleep and be held, so its perfect for a grandparent who just wants to hold a baby and watch them sleep.

My inlaws don't cook or do night wakings or anything like that. So they stay at a hotel and I agreed to go to lunch or dinner with my inlaws (but usually not both) once a day. I sent my husband on some activity with them in the mornings (when I was feeling most tore up). He would take them for breakfast, then they would come back and hold the baby while I showered and ate and then they would go golf or sightsee something. I would sleep and feed the baby, and then perhaps meet them for lunch. Then my inlaws would want a rest themselve and they would come back in the afternoon to play with baby. I would make a super simple dinner like spaghetti or take out and then they would help give baby a bath or whatever and go back to the hotel for the evening - like by 8pm.

My MIL usually wanted to go shopping for the baby at some point so both times I drove her across the street to Target, picked out a few outfits, and drove home in under an hour. Then we would have a fashion show modeling all the clothes and she would take a zillion pictures. Some days my inlaws would watch the baby in the living room while I was passed out. We also usually took a stroller walk somewhere.

All in all super low key. Their trips were 4-5 days max.

Your sister sounds like not a fun visit - I would tell her to come later at like 6 months when the baby is more fun and cute and on a better schedule.

@Bibliolove: Hi fellow Sept. new mom! I'm really glad you brought this up, because I honestly hadn't even thought about OOT guests. DH and I just had a good discussion about it so I'm glad to get the ball rolling.

Both my parents and ILs live about 90mins away. When they come, they usually stay overnight. My parents and I have a relationship where I'd feel totally comfortable telling them what I need, give them errands, cry, etc. But we can also spend a whole day laying around in pjs doing a puzzle. I know I can be myself and be upfront if I need them to leave.

IL's on the other hand are trickier. They're very sweet, but even DH doesn't have the type of relationship with them where he can be blunt. Their family kind of tip-toes around feelings. I under no circumstances want them to stay overnight for the first few months! My DH is on the same page, but I hope they aren't offended. I'm happy to have them for day-visits, but we'd be uncomfortable asking them for much help.

@Bibliolove: I think you need to have a heart to heart with your sister. Her bringing her husband and child sounds like a bit much for overnight guests--but that totally depends on the overall dynamic with you and her in general.

For both of my kids, my mom came for 2-3 weeks and stayed with us, then DHs parents came for 1-2 weeks. We live in a 2 bedroom condo, so that's a super full house. But that is our only real challenge--both my mom and DHs parents are very helpful and laid back. My mom comes and will clean and organize and stay out of our hair, and his mom comes and will cook every single meal for us, worry over us (which is nice when you have just had a baby), will constantly bring me hot tea, etc. And we are comfortable handing over the newborn for a couple of hours so we can catch a nap. And it's just nice to have the company when you are stuck at home so much at the beginning. My husband and I even got date nights when our kiddo was just a couple weeks old. So for me, having family has been immensely helpful both times.

But I agree with PPs that if it *at all* seems like your sisters visit will be extra work for you, don't do it. Or talk to her ahead of time and tell her you won't be doing meals, or shopping, or extra laundry, or anything. I would even have your Sister come at the same time as your parents, if possible. Again, that depends on how helpful your family is. Like I trust my mom to come in and take over for me, so she could easily coordinate meals and clean up while I just hung out with sister and our babies. But I don't know what our family dynamic is like.

@Bibliolove: When my son was a newborn, he followed a textbook three-hour cycle for awhile. I had issues with breastfeeding (basically it hurt a ton) and had to pump a lot, which I hated. I was barely sleeping. I was overwhelmed. I do not really have any fond memories of that period.

The most I could handle from a visitor was one three-hour cycle. I needed T's 1.5 hours of sleep to either catch up on things like laundry and feeding myself, or to sleep too.

There is no way I would have been able to tolerate overnight visitors. Adding a second baby would have felt really chaotic. My parents are local, and I think I allowed them to visit maybe once during the first 2 weeks, and it remained sparse after that.

That being said, I am definitely introverted.

@Bibliolove: can your sister just come alone? That's what I did when my sister had her first since I had 2 kids at home and knew they didn't need our crazy at their house! It was so nice to visit and meet my niece by myself, I felt like I could really focus on being a good sister / helper, whereas if my kids were there too I would have been sort of worthless!

My parents came the week my husband went back to work so DD was 2 1/2 weeks old. They stayed for a week and were incredibly helpful. They are the only people I would have wanted to stay in our house for that long. In the situation with your sister's family, I'd advise them to stay in a hotel or come in the spring. Or maybe she could fly in for a short weekend for visit by herself to see the baby right away.