In my experience, if you have to ask this question, you probably are (!) but I wonder if others would feel the same?

I have been with my husband for 7 years and, for 7 Christmases, we have spent Christmas day his parents house. I was 28 when I met him so not only do I have a wealth of family traditions I want to recreate, I had enjoyed a decade of Christmases as an adult, hosting Christmas dinner for family and friends. I have beautiful table linen and signature recipes.

Since that first year, I have asked DH every Christmas if we can host but he has always been hesitant for fear of upsetting his mother. The need to spend every other Christmas with my mum (who is on her own) was negated by my in laws inviting her every year (my mum doesn't enjoy it but I haven't been able to see an alternative up until now).

Now listen, my inlaws are amazing. The give us so much support and I owe them everything. But my MIL is so bossy! And a drama queen. She takes over.... and is liable to cry and, sometimes faint, if she doesn't get her way. Now, this isn't usually a problem because her "own way" is usually to be needed and to help - she genuinely means well - and, although her help is often not required (is sometimes a hinderence), there's no harm in letting her have her way if it makes her feel good to be needed.

Anyway, I put my foot down with DH last year (I told him how important it is to me)and he agreed we could host Christmas every other year at our house. His parents and brother/SIL would, of course, be invited. His mum clearly didn't like the idea and has put numerous obstacles in our path but we have navigated them (each time, my MIL has seemed more and more stressed about issues of her own creation).

So..... yesterday, my MIL told me she had started making the Christmas pudding (British traditional thing, the most important part of Christmas dinner and everyone has a recipe from grandma). She then said she has made the Christmas cake (rich fruit cake that you feed with alcohol on the run up to Christmas) and is also making an apple pie for dessert. She is also planning to make her "famous" stuffing and her "famous" roast potatoes and drive them over to mine in time for dinner. Then my FIL said "we were going to ask if you wanted us to cook the turkey here and bring it, save you doing it with two children". I was honest and said that I really wanted to do it myself, in fact I had been researching recipes for weeks; I had selected my Christmas pudding recipe weeks ago and started soaking the fruit.....

Then my MIL started crying. She said "it wouldn't have even crossed my mind that I wouldn't be making my Christmas pudding this year, I have made it every year since I was 20". So I conceded and said she had misunderstood, I was oh so very grateful...... and yes to pie, why not hey? Everyone likes pie. Saves me making the dessert I have planned, huh? No need to cry..... I will let you know if I need anything else.....

..... but I'm not happy. I wanted to do MY family Christmas. With my desserts. And my pudding. I'm a 35 year old married woman with two children, my own house, a brand new kitchen, three bloody ovens to cook turkey in and MY OWN traditions. My OWN family pudding recipe.

There. I said it.

What do I do? Get over myself?