Thoughts on this article?
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
What's her thesis again... that young kids of working parents aren't securely attached to their parents?
nectarine / 2280 posts
I'm liable to agree that it's a slippery slope when the expectation is that child care centers are open longer so that we can overwork the parents. It's a terrible work life balance for kids and parents.
pomegranate / 3845 posts
I'm not sure I understand what she's getting at? That daycare for 10+ hours a day, 5 days a week hinders bonding/attachment?
Of course it does, but I think that's just reality for most people who want to have children. You just have to do the best you can to make the time you do have with your LO special and make sure the caretakers you're leaving LO with love him/her as their own.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
I think most people would agree that kids are better off when they spend time with their parents, but if you have to work, then child care is important. Therefore you either have childcare for long hours or you raise parent's salaries.
persimmon / 1436 posts
I think it's good that people are concerned with how much people (even childless people) are having to work in order to achieve success. However, pointing out the obvious that children need to spend time with their parents is not helpful and likely does nothing more than cause those parents who have to work to feel even more guilt than they already do. It's not realistic to hope that companies will suddenly adopt better work/life balance policies in the interest of the future generation's speech and fine motor skills, so the alternative is that childcare must be expected to pick up the slack. It totally sucks, but it's reality for most people.
grapefruit / 4110 posts
I feel like a bigger issue that is only touched at is that kids are being "taught" too early. If that makes sense, they are starting much earlier in the educational system. They are expected to conform etc.
Teaching gymnastics you could see a difference in the child care kids and the SAH kids. The child care kids were more prepared for independent classes. (This is of course a vast generalization and it was dependent on each kid etc).
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@Grace: Actually, I don't agree with that in all cases!
If a childcare taker is loving and forms a secure attachment with a child, then I think childcare can be as good if not better, at least in my case - just due to the increased social opportunities with other kids.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
@mrbee: I wasn't meaning to say that the opportunity for some childcare doesn't have merit. My LO will be going to daycare and I don't feel she will be less bonded. But, I got the feeling that the article was talking about parents who have their kids in daycare for 60 hours a week. Surely a child being able to spend a few hours with their parents on a daily basis is preferable to daycare from the time they get up until the time they go to bed?
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
Sorry but I call BS. My daughter is in daycare full time (usually 7:45am to 4:30pm) and she loves her school and is still totally bonded to me and to my husband.
persimmon / 1436 posts
Although this article speaks more to the issue of over-worked people, I thought it was pretty interesting and encouraging. I will be happy to eat my words regarding it not being realistic that companies will embrace a better work-life balance.
eggplant / 11716 posts
Look at the source of the "expert" quoted here. Not a researcher, not a child psychologist, but the spokesperson for what is essentially a teacher association.
The govt has proposed that preschool run from 8-6 to allow both parents to work full time. The teachers association is against it. As a teacher, I am not surprised.
But I have news for you. It's not parent- child bonding we're worried about, it's an extended day we don't want. If schools are open 8-6, we have to be there 7:30-6:30, plus then we have to plan and grade papers and call parents and do after school clubs.
I promise you, this article is BS.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I kept waiting for her to cite studies of the mental abilities or emotional states of kids who are in daycare full time vs. those who aren't. Unless I missed it this was not part of her findings, it was more about her own opinion.
She's sort of starting a few good points but not fleshing them out. Yes, I agree those of us who want to be affluent are overworked and therefore spend less time with our kids so it's a tradeoff. there is nothing new about this. The alternative is for one parent to stay home and for the family to have a lot less $, personally it would mean cutting our income in half. Unless of course companies offer a better work/life balance, but clearly that isn't happening any time soon especially in the US where the government refuses to give us any more than 12 weeks job protection to stay home wiht our newborns. Forget makign it affordable in the first place.
I agree with the teacher who posted about the teacher perspective of not wanting to work longer hours. At least in my experience, the daycare teachers (who are paid to stay there until 6) get SUPER annoyed when I show up closer to 6pm, since I usually show up by 5:15. Of course they would rather work less to get paid the same amount (just like any of us) but in their case they can turn around and make the parents look like the bad guys for 'never being around'. Sometimes I feel like saying to them "Just so you know, no one forced you to work in this daycare that is open until 6pm" lol.
grapefruit / 4291 posts
@looch: I believe that we are raising a generation of babies and toddlers who have spent more of their waking hours in the presence of a paid caregiver than their own parents and I don't believe that that is necessarily a good thing.
I do believe that early childhood education is critical as children get older but I struggle to see the benefits for an infant.
Unfortunately it can be exceptionally difficult to engage in critical discussion around these sorts of issues because we're all trying to do the best for our children but sometimes we do have to look beyond our own circumstances (I make this is a generalised statement not specific to HB).
pomegranate / 3791 posts
@Kemma: So, what exactly do you propose we as a society do about that? Most families simply cannot afford to not have both parents work. Pointing out a problem and being critical with zero solutions, as this study has done, just seems unhelpful. I guess that's pretty much my thought about the article - yeah, it would be great if kids weren't spending like 60+ hours a week at daycare, although I do feel babies and toddlers can certainly benefit from their time there, but making parents feel guilty about something they just don't have the power to fix isn't going to change anything.
eggplant / 11824 posts
I would love to see a "study" that compares truly engaged daycares vs. SAHP where an outing to Target is the highest level of social interaction a child receives all day. Oh wait, I almost forget: all time spent with parents is positive and full of brain-developing and experience-expanding opportunities while WOHP are crap parents who don't care enough not to just dump their kids off with others.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
@yoursilverlining: Agreed. Honestly, sometimes I feel guilty for being a SAHM and like my LO would benefit from being in daycare at least part of the time. I wish he got more social interaction and encouragement from spending time around more babies his age, it's tough to find opportunities for that sort of thing where we live until they're a bit older.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
What a great article, if you want to be made to feel bad for putting food on your family's table
grapefruit / 4291 posts
@yoursilverlining: I don't think anybody here thinks that WAHP's don't care or are crap parents, I also don't think your last comment adds anything to the discussion at hand.
In response to your earlier question though, exactly how much socialisation and education does an infant need? I can only speak for my child, but she copes best when she spends every other day at home rather than out and about being overstimulated.
Not every SAHP is a wonderful parent but the same goes with daycare providers. I believe there was a study done in NZ that determined that GOOD daycare did not have a detrimental effect on children.
@wonderstruck: I don't think anyone thing or action is going to be a magic bullet but I think it starts with better parental leave policies and entitlements, a greater emphasis on the value and importance of families, and a change in the economy so that wages are liveable (I really think that a person who works full time shouldn't be living in poverty).
eggplant / 11824 posts
@Kemma: everything you to with an infant is educational - every experience builds and expands their horizon. Playing with blocks is educational, painting and mixing colors and finding out that if you mix two colors together you get a new color is education. I don't really understand the need for "education" to be a thing isolated from everything else, because it isn't. When you don't know anything yet and are introduced to new things and get to explore them - that's education.
As for this comment: "I believe there was a study done in NZ that determined that GOOD daycare did not have a detrimental effect on children." I'm not sure what that was suppose to add, except to reinforce my comment about making working parents feel like crap. Is "not detrimental" suppose to be the best positive we can hope for for our children in daycare?
GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts
Search "military coming home videos" in YouTube and watch the thousands of videos of parents being reunited with their children. These are moms and dads that go months without seeing their children. If you watch those videos and don't see what a strong bond they have in spite of that then you're blind.
coconut / 8430 posts
We started our LO in daycare in January at 17 months and we have noticed that her development has really taken off. Being around other kids has really helped her. I kind of feel bad that I kept her at home so long. I don't feel any less bonded to her now that she is in daycare and I feel that it has been so beneficial to her.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
@lawbee11, I know many in that situation and they would for sure echo that you don't have to be next to them 24/7 to be a good or involved parent. It's just life sometimes.
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
I think this debate is totally ahistorical. In the past, rich people (I'm talking Downton level) had governesses that provided total care. Poor people probably either had a millions kids and therefore their attention was split, or had family watch kids while they worked--extended family caregiving. Or the kids watched themselves at a younger age (see 'Babies'). Or heck, the kids worked in a factory or on the farm. The idea that there was ever a time when children spent all this perfect quality time with their parents is a total fiction created by baby boomers. I say this as a SAHM who is, frankly, worried about pushing my kid into a controlled environment too early (not daycare, but I do get concerned with the assumption/pressure surrounding preschool). But I also try to recognize that we don't have a "crisis" on our hands....I feel like parents are more hands-on than ever before, especially dads! A century ago the idea of childhood didn't even exist!
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@MamaMoose: Agree with you! R is at school 7-430 every day but she is so bonded with us. I mean we are her parents. She loves her teachers but they don't compare to us.
@lawbee11:
nectarine / 2085 posts
I didn't see a thesis in this article. The teachers' union leader was explaining a motion for debate at an upcoming conference. The motion was:
"the political emphasis on childcare marginalised the contribution of parents and the importance of family life."
I find that to be a worthwhile topic of debate for such an institution, and not an indictment of working parents. The suggestion, as I understand it, is that perhaps instead of throwing taxpayer money into nursery and preschool, the government should focus on helping parents be better parents. I think it is a refreshing counterpoint to the thesis behind ideas like the one the government seems to be promoting, which can only be read harshly: Many parents are unfit to give their children the tools they need, so the sooner we can put their children in professional care, the better.
The article notes that the teachers' union (which may have ulterior motives as suggested above, but could also reasonably be expected to look out for the best interests of the chief consumers of their professional services: children) chose this topic for debate:
"just days after Sir Michael Wilshaw, the head of Ofsted, said schools were best placed to teach children aged two or three the basics of literacy and numeracy, giving them a solid foundation for full-time education."
If anyone in this article comes across as denigrating parents, I'd say it's Sir Wilshaw.
persimmon / 1355 posts
I find the daycare debate pretty sad. One side says kids are better off at home being raised by parents who can give them love and one on one attention. The other side then talks about how much their child's development and socialization skills have improved since starting daycare and how daycare is better for kids. Why are we trying to make people feel guilty for how they are raising their children? Ultimately, aren't we all just trying to do the best we can for our families? There are amazing kids who went to daycare. There are amazing kids raised by SAHPs.
Eta - and I realize that this post was specifically about an article, but it just always seems to end in the same old debate.
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
@honeybear: +1 for sure. I definitely don't think there is a winner in the daycare vs. at- home fight, but I definitely agree that any discussion about better work/balance is valuable! And I think it is powerful that a teachers union would come out with this, because that is the kind of thing that can bring about change! At least in aggregate over years.
FWIW, I think there is something to this institutionalized thing... Just because aside from necessary childcare, parents are also pressured into starting preschool early, do enrichment classes on the side, etc. And I think that's what they are saying-- all-day preschool is different from daycare, because it is a lot more structured. And that isn't necessarily good for kids who are so young. But that is a different debate from SAH vs WOH.
Personally I went to daycare after kindergarten and it was a lot more free-range. I think that is more sustainable than all-day preschool for young children.
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
I don't think this is an attack on working parents at all. The work they do at their job is valuable, and the work they do at home is valuable, and it would be great if their work-life balance could be easier.
@Zbug: Thank you, so true!
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@mrbee: @Grace: I also disagree that staying home with parents is always better, and this comes from a current SAHM! I know some parents who are just not cut out to be at home all day & their kids benefit from being in childcare. Conversely, I know a few people with mental issues etc & I wish they would put their kids in daycare or something so they can get the proper stimulation & affection they need. For whatever reason it's not always true that parents are the best caregivers/teachers for their kids. I'm glad I am SAH right now but I am going back to work part-time soon & I am excited for the new experiences LO will have.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@yoursilverlining: That was overly harsh. I certainly don't think that about working parents! But at the same time I work very hard to provide my daughter with stimulation, education, attention, etc at just 5 months old while SAH... I hate the generalization that SAHMs just run errands with their kids.
I thought HB had been pretty safe from the mommy wars thus far...
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@Mrs. Sketchbook: That is a great point!
(sorry about all the piecemeal replies... on my phone & easier this way)
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
@daniellemybelle: Lol - I think I'm one of the parents who isn't cut out to be a stay at home mom. But there's a happy medium between staying home with your kid and putting them in daycare 12 hours a day because you have a high pressured job that requires overtime every day.
eggplant / 11824 posts
@daniellemybelle: it wasn't a generalization; it was a reaction to this article, and most others posted (most often by SAHM) that use language like "negative" "institutionalized" to describe all daycare; as though the daycare experience is the same across the board, and always worse than spending time with parents. There is also a range of SAHP, some of which doesn't provide any social activity outside of running errands, and some of which doesn't stack up against a good daycare. That was the point. Though HB is definitely not safe from the mommy wars, this wasn't one.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@yoursilverlining: I get you. That's just not how it came off. I think both sides shouldn't generalize or jump to the worst conclusion.
And the mommy wars comment was not aimed at you specifically but this thread.
@Grace: Totally. American workaholic culture kind of sucks. But I am again reminded of Mrs. Sketchbook's excellent point - "quality time" is a new notion. Most parents had to work extremely hard from dawn until dusk for generations - it was just the very upper class that didn't, and they had other people help raise their kids too!
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
@daniellemybelle: It might be a new notion, but that doesn't mean it's not desirable. Women having the vote, and child labour laws are also new notions.
nectarine / 2019 posts
I do believe that there is great benefit to the majority of children, having a parent at home within the first few years. It's easier to establish things like breastfeeding for instance, no parental guilt as far as missing out on "firsts", and the benefit of knowing that your child is being properly cared for during time when they are unable to communicate if something negative is happening to them.
However, it certainly adds financial stress to most families and marriages. I think children are better off in homes with happy, healthy relationships, if that means having to select someone else to care for your child, then so be it. I also believe that some people just aren't meant to stay home, I know for myself it certainly can feel isolating at times, and if depression was an ongoing concern for me mentally, it wouldn't be more beneficial for me to stay home than for our children to have a loving nanny caring for them.
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
@yoursilverlining: I think it is important to point out that the article was specifically talking about preschool, which is a totally different beast from daycare, or after school care. I can understand why teachers would bristle at the idea of having to provided a preschool-like environment from morning to end of day. I mean, if that were appropriate, then why not just start kindergarten at three years old, and have it until six in the evening! We don't even do that with kindergarten now. But that is the proposal that the person in this article was responding to. I don't think it was a message for working parents per se. I mean, this was basically directed at a group of parents demanding before-school care and after-school care on the same level as preschool and the teachers saying, we can't provide that level of intensive care for that long, and frankly it wouldn't be good for them. And considering that our current school system doesn't even provide that amount of organized care, well....I can see what they are saying.
@Grace: I guess what I meant was, we are fighting over details that weren't even a concept just a few generations ago. I mean, as an SAHM, I definitely want to provide work/life balance for my family...otherwise I wouldn't be doing this! But I do agree that if we had better legislation in place, I might have been able to do that without having to make the sacrifice of not working. So yeah, there is a lot of work left, but at the same time we don't need to be so polarized with the SAH vs. WOH that we focus more on in-fighting than on doing things that help everyone (even the childfree!).
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
@Mrs. Sketchbook: Wasn't my intent to polarize ot even compare SAH and WOH parents. Only that I think having kids in school/daycare for their entire wake time isn't a great idea. I don't think there's anything wrong with having kids in daycare and then coming home to spend 2 hours with their family.
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